Science-Backed Advice So Good I've Made A Hard Copy For My Teenager

Ask anyone for a piece of advice to live by, and I guarantee you, everyone will have at least one.

Because we all travel through life making mistakes, doing stupid things, and taking chances, we either wish we hadn't or can't believe we lived through.

And as we go, we stockpile the wisdom from these events inside our brains so we can pass it on one day.

Even before you pee on the stick, you plan for that day.

The day you'll sit them down and tell them everything they need to know about life. The talk you'll have, the one that will save them from themselves and give them the knowledge to avoid the traps you fell into.

And when this day finally comes, when your child is finally old enough to hear your hard-won secrets and tips, you realize...they... don't...want...it.

Because they're a teenager.

They know everything, and you know nothing.

The bedroom door gets shut, plates go in but don't come out. Clothing creates Tolkenesque landscapes from wall to wall. You shall not pass!!!!

The laughter that used to rain down in torrents dries up, replaced by pursed lips and side-eye at the mere mention of silliness.

But that doesn't mean you don't still want to share your knowledge.

It just means you might need a different vehicle.

I'm not saying I'm afraid of my daughter's ridicule (cue 13-year-old me cowering in the corner), but man, she's sarcastic.

Despite that, I still have a nagging urge to give her my advice.

So instead of trying to wrestle that hornet's nest head-on, I'm going for something a bit more passive-aggressive.

I'm going to print off my list of advice and slide it under her door.

Most likely, she won't see it until she moves out (4-5 years from now).

She'll find it mixed in with one of the never-washed piles of clothes shoveled into a box.

(Cue the fantasy...)

Dramatic music.

She's unpacking miles away, longing for the security of her mother's embrace. Then, finally, she finds it as if by magic, just what she needed to feel safe again...she reads it...narrated by a voiceover in her head (Meryl Streep plays me in the movie).

Or maybe I'll slip it under her door, and she'll think - Duh! Mom!!! Can you just leave me alone for two minutes!

In any case, I'm backing my advice up with science, so she can't sass back too much.

So, just for the record, here are some things I think it's important to know:

Don't start smoking.

It's gross, dangerous, and tough to quit.

I smoked off and on until I met my husband, a staunch non-smoker. I'm glad he hated it so much. I'd be a much different person today, much sicker (and I've had open-heart surgery), and with a much poorer quality of life if I hadn't stopped.

But if you need a little extra incentive, suck on this:

• Every five seconds, someone dies a smoking-related death.
• About half of smokers will die from it.
• Of the eight million people each year killed by smoking, seven million die from actual smoking. But about 1.2 million are non-smokers exposed to second-hand smoke. So if you smoke, you might not kill yourself, but you might kill someone you love.
• Lung cancer might be the first thing that comes to mind when pondering diseases caused by smoking, but it's not the only one. Smoking also increases the risk of bladder, blood, bone marrow, cervix, colon, esophagus, kidneys, larynx, liver, mouth, pancreas, rectum, stomach, and throat cancers.
• And don't forget about coronary heart disease and stroke.
• If you ate five cigarettes whole, it would kill you.

Why is it so hard to quit?

Because not only is Nicotine is addictive – just about as addictive as cocaine or heroin, but it's not just that. There's a social and a habitual draw as well.

It's hard to break free if the people around you are doing it, and when it becomes a habit, it embeds itself into your daily routines.

Add those factors to the addiction, and you've got something hard to quit. It's no wonder then that it can take the average smoker eight to twelve attempts to actually stop.

So not starting in the first place makes more sense.

Brush your teeth at least twice a day and floss.

Your teeth will last longer, and your breath will be fresher.

Here are some fun facts about teeth to chew on:

• Dental enamel is the hardest part of your body.
• In 1968, the first dental health survey showed 37% of adults had no natural teeth.
• 14% of people would rather clean the toilet than floss their teeth.
• The average person makes enough saliva in a lifetime to fill 78 bathtubs. That's about 5,000 gallons.
• The first thing you notice when you meet someone new is their smile.
• The thing most people say they couldn't do without on holiday is a toothbrush.
• Only 5% of people said they'd skip brushing their teeth if rushed to get ready in the morning.
• If someone who lives 81.5 years brushes their teeth twice a day for two minutes each time, they'll spend 118,990 minutes or 1,983.16 hours or slightly more than 82 days of their life engaged in oral care.

If that little list didn't get you inspired, this might: Bad teeth and bad breath are social dealbreakers, and having bad teeth can be more than just physically painful:

• Since your brain interprets your smile as happiness, if you smile less because you're self-conscious about your teeth, your brain will start to think you're not happy.
• People with missing teeth aren't treated as well. People generally make negative assumptions about social class and professionalism when someone has missing teeth. It can affect your ability to find work, make friends and find a partner.
• People with bad teeth are known to have more social anxiety.

And in case you were wondering, yes, there is actually a correct way to brush your teeth:

• Start with your toothbrush at a 45-degree angle to your gums.
• Then move the brush back and forth gently, in short strokes.
• Be sure to brush all 3 surfaces (inner, outer, and chewing surfaces).
• For inside surfaces of the front teeth, turn the brush vertically and brush with up-and-down strokes.

When I moved out of my parent's house and realized how expensive dental appointments were, I made a conscious decision to take good care of my teeth.

It was a good investment emotionally as well as financially.

Don't get wasted at parties or on dates.

Things can go bad fast when your drunk, and there is always one jerk who will film anything embarrassing and post it to Youtube, where it will live in infamy forever.

Back in my day, I was a hardcore partier.

I used my edgy persona to mask the fact that I was messed up and self-medicating (the only person I was fooling was myself, though.)

Binge drinking was a way of life, and I had more than my share of shockingly embarrassing moments.

The difference?

There was no YouTube to immortalize my stupidity. So when I did something ridiculous that I didn't remember, it became a bit of gossip for a select few people unlucky enough to witness it, and that was about it.

I made a couple of new enemies and moved on.

These days anything cringeworthy is bound to be filmed and posted on the internet, where it will live forever.

So...Just... Don't!

In case you wanted a bit more of a deterrent, here's what can happen when you binge drink (this means 5+ drinks in a night for a guy and 4+ for a female):

• misunderstandings
• fights, assaults, sexual assault
• depression, anxiety, other mental health issues
• blackouts
• hangovers (headache, shaking, vomiting)
• suicide
• injuries or death
• starting a fire
• alcohol poisoning
• choking on your own vomit
• respiratory arrest
• legal problems/arrests

If you binge drink as a way of life, you can:

• damage your stomach, pancreas, liver, and brain
• develop cancer
• become addicted

So if you drink, try to keep it sensible. If you have problems, try to find real help instead of self-medicating.

Be nice.

Whenever you choose to either be a dick or be a kind person, always take the high road.

Being a dick will always come back to bite you.

Someone you help might not be waiting for the day to come to help you back, but someone you screw over will be waiting to even the score, and that day will come eventually.

Being helpful and nice isn't totally selfless either. It's also good for you.

Being a decent person actually has scientifically proven benefits such as:

• Boosting your serotonin and releasing endorphins, creating something called the helper's high.
• Boosting your "Positive Affect," which is the good feelings you get when you do something nice. A study found that increasing your PA fills your life with more joyful and positive experiences, leaving less room for negativity.
• Releasing oxytocin which starts a chemical reaction that expands blood vessels and lowers blood pressure.

So don't be a sucker, but try to be nice whenever possible.

Marry for love.

Marry for love because there are going to be lots of times you will hate your partner.

You need to be totally and completely committed to weather the storms that will undoubtedly have in a marriage.

Marriage has many moving parts; friendship, trust, loyalty, togetherness, compromise, and mutual respect, but it's nearly impossible to sustain those things without love.

Love is the glue that holds it all together.

Do your best.

You won't be the perfect spouse, parent, child, sibling, friend, worker, or boss.

But at least if you do your best and try your hardest, you can always hold your head up and feel good knowing you tried.

Say sorry.

If you do something wrong, if you hurt someone, say you're sorry.

• It's important because:
• It shows you care about that person's feelings.
• Demonstrates that you can take responsibility for your actions.
• Helps the other person feel less threatened.
• Helps them resolve their anger.
• Validates their feelings.

It's more than just letting the other person know you know you're wrong. It shows them that you have moral character, courage, and humility.

Bonus advice:

Quit your job on your best day, not your worst.

If you walk off the job on your worst day, you might regret it.

It might just have been a bad day, even a bad day in a series of bad days, but things could get better.

If you make a rash decision based on momentary feelings, you may have quitters remorse when that moment passes.

But if you leave on your best day, that means you've thought about it.

You won't regret it because you're not in distress when you leave. You've made a clearheaded decision, weighed your options based on thought, not emotion, and made a choice.

If, on a good day, your best option is still to quit, then quit.

So that's it.

That's what I want her to know.

So when she gets out on her own, and her eye-rolls turn to furrowed brows as everything gets real, she'll know she's not the first person in the world to make mistakes, and she won't be the last.

But maybe she'll be able to avoid the odd one because of me.

For now, I'm happy her sassy little butt's upstairs in front of her computer most days.

I'm going to keep sharing my pearls of wisdom as she trains for the Olympic eye-rolling team. Because in a few short years, she'll age out of the compulsory division of my enlightenment classes.

After that, she's going to have to make her own mistakes and learn her own lessons.

And I'll be right here, with hard copies of this list all folded up and ready to sneak into her purse.