?? Relationships! What is it??

Here we are again! Back at that time of year where you start seeing all the red and pink in the isles of grocery stores & shopping outlets, you name it. We choose red and pink because apparently those colors are the color of love. Red and pink symbolize the heart and emotion. For a lot of us our favorite color is red, I know mine is. But for some reason around this time of year we start to hate those colors until the next holiday or season comes around.

You you see Valentine’s Day is a day that reminds many people of the good, the bad, and the downright dirty ugly issues of love! We ask what is love? Honestly we celebrate this holiday when many of us don’t truly know or understand what love truly is!

Is love a teddy bear holding your red heart? Or is it a red and pink box of chocolates in a heart shaped container? Is it a card with a mushy poem on it?....The answer to those questions is NO! Love is not a gift that we physically buy and give to somebody once a year!

How can we sit there and say we love somebody if we treat them like shit all year long but then around Valentine’s Day we clean up our act and buy them a couple gifts to tell them that we love them?!?

So many couples, in so many relationships today throw everything away if something is broken. When we buy a home, if a lightbulb breaks, do we sell the whole home and move to a completely new house? Or do you replace the lightbulb and fix it? Most people would say “well, duhh, we fix the issue, we fix the lightbulb.” But that’s not what we do with relationships.

If you’re in a relationship, every day is supposed to be Valentine’s Day! Every day we need to work hard to make sure that, that relationship is and stays secure! We get up and we work hard for money every day. We have to do the same thing with our relationships!

When in a relationship it’s not 50-50! When in a relationship it needs to be 100-100! Every day we need to give 100% of our all or more! If everybody did that relationships would last a lot longer and we would not see so many people hurting and lonely!

You see, I’ve learned a lot over the years of being single and in relationships, and for me I love being single! So Valentine’s Day really isn’t a bummer type of holiday for me (any longer) the way that it is for a lot of people today. All of us, I don’t care who you are, have experienced a lonely heart at one point of time or another in our life! We’ve all experienced bad relationships. Whether it be with a family member, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, for a friend. We’ve all had those troubling family matters, where we don’t wanna be around our family and intern it causes loneliness to creep in. We’ve also had misunderstandings with close friends, to the point where some friendships end because of it. We’ve all had times in our lives where we feel that we have huge decisions to make, but nobody to help us make those decisions. nobody to talk to, feeling like nobody cares. And when you’re going through the fire, especially around this time of year, when you already are feeling lonely and now all these colors of reds, and pinks, you know... All the hearts, just everything that symbolizes Valentines Day to remind us exactly how lonely we are. I get it, I understand, because I was there at one point in my life. It wasn’t until I had meditated and sought out understanding. Not understanding other people, but understanding myself. Let me tell you some thing, We serve a good and gracious Creator at that, that will never leave us alone or forsake us!! My experience has been beautiful! I’ve learned that the number one relationship that I need to invest in is the relationship with myself, and the relationship with the creator! He has shown me that if I can’t love myself, if I don’t know who I am in him, if I don’t know my value, and if I don’t know just how much he loves me, then how am I going to be able to give that same love or show that same love to anybody else? You can’t! If you don’t know who you are! If you cannot love, and respect yourself, guess what we have an amazing dad, Who will not only teach us, but he will show us! And then this time of year doesn’t have to be a dreaded holiday like it is for so many of us. A lot of people dread this holiday the same way that a lot of people dread Father’s Day or Mother’s Day because of similar issues. But that’s for another story.

If you don’t know who you are, how are you supposed to know anybody else? If you don’t respect yourself, or value yourself, or love yourself, then how are you supposed to value, or love, or respect anybody else? Some of you may disagree with me but think about all of your past relationships (family and friends) and think about where you are? Not only with yourself, but with others in life right now. Really sit back and really think about it!

How does all of this tie into this challenge? How does everything I’m saying tying into what we’re writing about in regards to a playlist that is pretty much against Valentine’s Day and or couples? Well the list of songs that I am providing are songs that I believe will help people to get to know who they are and love themselves first! Love yourself first before trying to love anybody else! I am a mother of four beautiful children. If I can’t love myself, I find it really hard, (not that I don’t love my children) but I find it hard to love my children the way that they deserve to be loved. What I mean is... Every year, in the time of my life when I dreaded Valentine’s Day, because it reminded me of all the broken relationships in my life. I found it very hard to be that upbeat, happy go lucky, supporting mother. While not everybody may experience this, I did, and I know a lot of people who do. Can we be real? I mean really really real? How many of you have been in a hard lonely time of your life and all you wanted to do was hide? All you wanted to do was seclude yourself? Or or you’ve had a hard time being around family and friends? You see all of your friends and family laughing telling jokes being happy and you are periodically flashing a fake smile... but deep down inside you hurt because of a past relationship.... it’s the same way when you have children. You want to be that Betty Crocker mom that’s making cookies, laughing, chasing the kids around the house, taking them to the park, come on, you want to be that mom! but because of all the pain you’re feeling it’s hard to be, even though you’re trying your hardest to be. How does this tie into knowing who you are?

You treat people the way that you feel and treat yourself. How you feel on the inside always eventually starts to show on the outside. For some people it’s a lot sooner than others. For some people it’s a lot easier for them to hide their feelings then it is others. You start doing things in the manner that you believe you are, and acting the ways that you feel. So if you think that you’re a bad parent or if you think that you’re a bad girl friend or boyfriend or whatever. If you are having all of these negative thoughts about YOURSELF, those are the things that are going to start showing forth in regards to your personality, and your actions. That’s why I truly believe that people should find themselves, get to LOVE themselves, understanding your value, and KNOW WHO YOU ARE! because once you do it makes holidays like this a lot more bearable and those negative feelings that you used to get around this time of year just aren’t there anymore.

People go for what they believe they deserve. People seek out relationships based on how they feel. Sooooo if you believe that you are undeserving of love, or if you believe that all you can attract are bad people, or you believe that you’re never gonna find the right relationship, then that’s exactly what’s going to happen!! You see life and death are in the power of the tongue... what we think we eventually speak, and what we speak we eventually draw to ourselves. If we say something enough we’re going to believe it and we are going to attract it. I hope this is making sense and I really hope this helps some one!

It has taken me around two years maybe three to finally know who I am as a woman! But it wasn’t until I made the decision to go on that quest! I know who I am, and I know what I want in a relationship, and what I want for my children! Because I know who I am, and because I value who I am, I’m not going to settle for some old joke of a relationship! This is NOT a story that ends with me telling you that I am now happily married for so many years, or whatever, nope! I am still HAPPILY single! Taking care of my beautiful children and living every day beautifully! I can tell you that I haven’t even thought about Valentine’s Day so far and when I saw this challenge arise I decided to write about it because, why should we feel sad around this time of year every year? Why should we sit there and be heartbroken over a relationship that wasn’t meant for us? Why should we, (and this is the big question) why should we be sad around this time of year, every year, just because we are single? Being single is amazing because it gives you that opportunity to have the best relationship with yourself!!

So my playlist is for all the single people, as well as all of the couples that want to start working on the most important relationship of all! That is your relationship with yourself and with your creator! Know your value, know your worth, and allow yourself to be treated and respected with the love that you truly deserve! Oh and my relationship with my beautiful children has skyrocketed! Am I a perfect mother? Absolutely not! I still have my days just like we all do. But my children know without a doubt now, that their mommy loves them more than anything! And it is because I focused on the relationship that mattered!

Mended By: Matthew West

“When you see broken beyond repair, I see healing beyond belief. When you see too far gone, I see one step away from home.

Even When It Hurts By: Hillsong UNITED

“Even when my strength is lost I'll praise You. Even when I have no song I'll praise You Even when it's hard to find the words, louder then I'll sing Your praise...”

I Am Not Alone By: Kari Jobe

“When I walk through deep waters I know that You will be with me. When I'm standing in the fire I will not be overcome....”

Danny Gokey: Tell Your Heart to Beat Again

“You're shattered

Like you've never been before

The life you knew

In a thousand pieces on the floor

And words fall short...”

Danny Gokey: Haven’t seen it yet.

“Have you been praying and you still have no answers?

Have you been pouring out your heart for so many years?

Have you been hoping that things would have changed by now?...”

Danny Gokey: Hope in front of me.

“I've been running through rain

That I thought would never end

Trying to make it on faith

In a struggle against the wind

I've seen the dark and the broken places...”

Danny Gokey: Wanted.

“I was there the moment that it happened

But you couldn't see me through the pain

I caught every tear as they were falling

When you lost your heart that day…”

For King and country: God only knows.

“Wide awake while the world is sound asleep and

Too afraid of what might show up while you're dreaming

Nobody, nobody, nobody sees you

Nobody, nobody would believe you…”

For King and country: Shoulder

“I look up to the mountains

Does my strength come from the mountains

No, my strength comes from God

Who made heaven and earth and the mountains…”

Tauren Wells: God‘s not done with you.

“Standing in your ruins feels a lot like the end

So used to losing, you're afraid to try again…”

Tauren Wells: Famous For.

“There is no fear, 'cause I believe

There is no doubt, 'cause I have seen

Your faithfulness, my fortress, over and over

I have a hope found in Your name…”

Hollyn: Alone

“Fell for You first day that I met You

Never dreamed that I ever could forget You

But black and white make a mess when it turn to grey

Sunlight came sweepin' cross the window …”

Lecrae; I’ll find you.

“Just fight a little longer my friend

It's all worth it in the end

But when you got nobody to turn to

Just hold on and I'll find you…”

Enjoy this playlist! These songs have helped me in more ways than one! I cannot even begin to explain how these songs, in this journey that I have been on to find out who I am, and have an amazing relationship with myself and God have helped me so much! They have helped me to cry, and get out my frustrations. They’ve helped me to see value in myself! They have given me hope, strength, and faith for my future! When I felt lonely and depressed because of the loneliness these songs and their meanings and their messages have helped me to see the beauty within myself! They’ve helped me to learn how to love myself and forgive myself for the past mistakes that I had made! I hope that they will help you as well! God bless!!

Becky Vasquez