Please Don’t Call It A “Convenience” C-Section

About a week before my scheduled C-section I felt a sensation of water running down my leg. I called my doctor panicked and within 30 minutes my husband and I were headed to the hospital with our overnight bags. We were relieved to find out it was just mucus. (I know it sounds disgusting!)

Since we were already at the hospital, my doctor had the nurse check on the baby and make sure I wasn’t having any contractions. This involved sitting with a monitor on my stomach for about 30 minutes. While we waited, we chatted with the nurse.

The nurse noted my due date was coming up and asked if I had any questions about delivery. When I told her I had a scheduled C-section for the following Monday her response left me speechless.

“Oh, you are having a CONVENIENCE C-section.”

I had no idea how to respond to her. It sure didn’t feel convenient — especially at that very moment with her judging tone and disapproving look.

I wanted to rip off the monitors and run out of the room but considering I was 38 weeks pregnant and not very agile that was not really in the realm of possibilities at the time. Instead, I sat there and fought back the tears building up behind my eyelids. I was eventually able to speak without crying and explained to her why we were having a C-section even though she didn’t actually deserve an explanation.

On the way home from the hospital I cried. Through the tears, I told my husband that the nurse’s comment was the exact reason I was so reluctant to schedule a C-section in the first place. I was angry at the nurse for her insensitive comment. I was angry at my husband for not defending me. I was angry at my body for letting me down.

It didn’t matter that our doctor had recommended the C-section. It didn’t matter that we had carefully weighed all the pros and cons before reluctantly coming to our decision. It was clear the nurse had immediately made a conclusion about me. Sadly, its the same conclusion that so many women make.

Two years prior, my retina detached twice in one month. The first time was a complete fluke. The second time was a result of the first surgery not being successful. After going through two 4 hour surgeries to repair each detachment and spending two weeks each time face down, I vowed I would do everything in my power to never go through that again. Or so I thought.

After discussing my detached retina with my OBGYN when I was about 7 months pregnant, he recommended a C-section. He was concerned my retina could detach again during delivery. Rather than just saying yes, I told him I would have to think about it and would let him know at my next appointment. He seemed surprised by my response and tried to reassure me that a C-section would be the safest route. Despite his urging, I still wanted time to think about it.

I had a plan. We had been to all the birthing classes. I was reading books on breathing and hypnobirthing. I had bought all the supplies I would need for labor and delivery. It had never crossed my mind that we may need to deviate from the plan.

It felt selfish to even consider having a C-section where the purpose wasn’t for the safety of my baby. I didn’t want to be judged by other moms who didn’t take the “easy route” like me.

I tried to talk to my husband about my concerns, but he didn’t seem to get it. He thought we should listen to the doctor. He couldn’t seem to understand why I was so afraid of being judged. He questioned whether anyone would even judge us. For him it was a no brainer — just schedule a C-section.

Because my dad has always been the practical one in the family, I talked to him about my concerns as well. Again, he didn’t understand what I was so worried about. “Why would anyone judge you for doing what is best for you and the baby?” he asked.

I talked to my brother because he is a pharmacist and had to take all those sciencey classes like anatomy and physiology. He discussed the benefits of delivering vaginally but ultimately thought I should follow my doctor’s recommendation. He thought my concerns about being judged were silly.

I talked to my mom about it a lot — like a couple of times a day for two whole weeks. She understood my concerns. She sympathized but urged me to do what was best for me and my baby.

She reminded me of how awful it was to have to remain face down for two weeks. She asked me how I would take care of my son for those two weeks if my retina were to detach again. I had no idea. Obviously, I wouldn’t be able to.

Knowing I had to prioritize taking care of my child over my concerns about being judged, I decided to schedule the C-section. It was the right decision. I was able to go into the C-section not worried whether I would be able to see my son when he was born. I was able to take care of my son for the first two weeks of his life instead of staying face down for two weeks. The only negative was how judged I felt by the hospital staff but at that moment, it didn’t really matter.

As I type this I am finally accepting (well, kind of) how stupid it was that I was so concerned about what other people thought — not people, really, just other moms!!!

Why did I care so much what other moms would think? Why do other moms care so much about how my child was born? Why are moms so judgemental and mean to each other? Why wasn’t it enough that mom and baby were healthy?

C ≠ Convenient

For those who think having a C-section is convenient or taking the easy route, I am here to tell them that is not the case at all! In fact, C-sections are inconvenient for several reasons.

First and foremost, a C-section is major surgery. The doctor cuts open your abdomen and uterus. For any other major surgery, you would take two weeks off and do nothing. Instead, you have to figure out how to recover from major surgery and take care of a new baby!

Second, you get separated from your child almost immediately. My hospital had mandatory skin-to-skin immediately after birth so I did get to hold my son right away while the doctor was stitching me back up. But then he and my husband went to get vaccinations and I was wheeled off to a recovery room. Alone. I hated being separated from my son when he was only an hour old. Eventually, my husband and son joined me but I was a little out of it from the procedure so I don’t remember much of that time, which has always bothered me.

Third, you miss out on some of the firsts. Since you probably had a spinal tap and you definitely have a catheter, you can’t get out of bed. For me, it was for about the first 24 hours. I missed out on the first several diaper changes. I couldn’t rock my son to sleep in the rocking chair. I was stuck in a hospital bed and could only sit/law in a few positions without being in immense pain. Luckily, I was up and moving before the first bath.

Fourth, your milk may not come in as quickly with a C-section. Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for the let-down reflex, is released during labor and delivery. Since a C-section does not trigger the creation of Oxytocin, it may take a few extra days for the body to start creating this hormone resulting in delayed or reduced milk supply early on.

Fifth, you can’t do much when you get home. Remember, you are healing from major surgery! I had strict orders from my doctor that I was not to go up and down our stairs for at least a week and after that week, I was only allowed one trip per day for the next couple weeks. For me, that meant not being able to get to my bedroom or do laundry.

Even given all these inconveniences of having a C-section, the worst part for me was still the judgment I felt (whether real or in my head) from other women and the doubts it gave me. I tried to convince myself that I was just doing what was best for my baby but at times it wasn’t enough. There was always this voice in the back of my head telling me I was a bad mom.

So please stop telling me I had a “convenience” C-section. The “C” is definitely not short for convenient and I don’t need your judgment. At nine months old, my baby is happy and healthy and that should be enough. If you don’t want to have a C-section and you don’t medically need one, then good for you — don’t have one, but don’t judge me because I did.

Being a parent is really hard. You question every decision you make. You constantly wonder if you could be doing more even though you are exhausted and giving everything you have. The last thing anyone needs is to be judged by others. We are already judging ourselves enough. Don’t tell me I am doing it wrong just because I don’t do it like you. And I will do the same for you.