Parenting is Hard Work

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. There is no manual and no correct way of doing everything (even though most people will tell you that you are doing something wrong). You do not get sick days or vacations; you are the chief, chauffer, coach, teacher, extra. There are going to be days where you think am I really up for this, days where the love is over whelming and some days where making the cut just doesn't seem enough. With all the things you have to do and give up; being a parent seems like a hard enough job. Well, you my friend would not be wrong in you assumption that this job is not always cracked up to what it is.

Now imagine that you have this enjoyable and already difficult job, but let us throw in another aspect that few people want to speak on or even acknowledge. The parent with mental health issues. I am not just speaking on the well know issues like bipolar; I am talking about all mental issues. A parent's worst nightmare is feeling like they cannot successfully take care of the tiny human that they love so much, and for the parents with mental issues it is ten times worse.

I speak on these issues because I am one of these many parents, and I hope that by experiences and my own thoughts might one day help another parent struggling with these same issues.

A little background: I am a mother of 3 beautiful children. I am currently engaged and a stay at home mom. I have several degrees in both business and medical. All 3 of my children have Sensory Processing Disorders and have special needs on top of that. My life has not always been so happy go lucky, but that is for a completely different type of story which I hope to one day share with the world. I decided that I needed to get into writing about things that are important to me in order to help other's like me. I suffer from many medical issues as well as mental health issues.

My greatest joy in writing this is knowing that by sharing my experiences and pain that someone else may then feel empowered to know that there is hope at the end of that dark tunnel (one random act of kindness goes a long way).

I go days and weeks sometimes feeling like my life will just fall into place only to be reminded that some other ugly part of my life is always lurking right under the surface; sometimes just waiting to find a way to shatter that dream.

I suffer on a daily basis with clinically diagnosed depression, anxiety, insomnia and ADHD. So as you can see my days are full of learning and teaching not only my children, but also myself on how not to let issues define who or what you can become.

Daily life for my family starts with me and my morning routine: waking up in the mornings has never been my cup of tea, but being a mom I now force myself to get up every morning at 5:30 am (this is probably the hardest part of my day as I probably just went to sleep around 1 or 2 am). 5:30 am allows for me to have a few moments to shower, dress, get my coffee, take the dog on her walk and start getting breakfast around for everyone. Then the house starts to wake around 6 am.

Kids are the first to get up or need to be woken up (normally it is my oldest who still needs to be woken up). It is going through 3 or 4 different outfits per child, because even though we already laid out clothes the night before they do not feel right (sensory disorders are the worst). Then it is breakfast time and making sure both my fiancé and oldest are out the door by 7 am. Then it is playing ref with the other 2 on who gets to pick the cartoons this morning before school so mom can get the breakfast dishes and kitchen done. So much to do before 8 am and yes I know you would all be going crazy too with some much going on.

The thing about my mornings though is this: most people do not see the extent that I must go to so that my mornings and my families morning are not completely chaotic; again this stems off of the mental health issues that cause the need for such measures. Some of those measures are: everything must be written down with the start and end time; the multiple alarms that are on my phone for each task (like when each child needs to be woken up to make their morning the best); each child even has there own index card above their backpack hook so they remember what they need to have in their bags for school or sports etc.

Things this year have become even more crazy with virtual learning and the hybrid learning that the schools have come up with and all but 1 of my children go Monday thru Thursday with Fridays being fully virtual for all 3.

My afternoons are not much better. I have a 4 bedroom home that now has to be cleaned, errands to run and on the days that my youngest is home I still have to remember when his virtual classes are (luckily the youngest is in kindergarten and not to many things on his plate). Again the thing with my afternoons are the same as above: everything and I mean everything is planned out to the last second. If I am going to run errands then each store and my list is already planned out(most of the time down to the exact isle); this helps with the anxiety because then I am not spending an hour in every store trying to think about what I need.

On my worst days when my issues rear their ugly little heads, I am forced to rethink on what I can actually accomplish that day; like is it worth going to the store for 5 things and dragging a 6 year old with me just to rush to make it home before his class at 1 pm? Would it be easier to wait and let my fiancé watch the kids while I go to the store? These, I have found are the days that it is okay to ask for help and it is okay to apologize to the ones I love that I was not as perfect as the day before. What I mean by this is simple; IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. It is much easier to let other's know that you are struggling than you may think and most of the time they will understand, however do not abuse the need for help as it will not make you succeed in the end.

By the time my children start getting off their busses in the afternoon; I have done several loads of laundry, all the dishes are done, most of my chores and errands are complete. The only thing left are the children's chores; which again are written down for each of them (per their age of course) and whatever homework they may have. Once chores and homework is done then it is play time; whether it is going out and playing in the yard or playing downstairs in the fully done basement (this is usually on days where the weather is not so nice).

Dinner time is probably my favorite part of my day. It seems that my stress melts away as my finace and I prepare dinner for us and the kids. We sit around the table (without electronics as it is now family time); we discuss how our days went, we ask the children about school and we learn a little more about how we can all help each other or someone else that we may know.

Once dinner is done then it is back at it for this mommy. Children still need baths, clothes out for the next day (even though I know this is probably pointless come morning, LOL), dishes and such still need to be done. Once the kids are in bed after stories and such; then I get time with my fiance. We talk about problems that may have come about that day; he asks me if I need anything to help my days go better or if we have any plans for the next day (even though I remind him he could look at the calendar that has everything on it). I think he just likes to hear me vent if I need too, or maybe this is his way of seeing how he can help without me actually having to ask for it; which again does make my days easier (yes I know asking for help is sometimes are hard task to accomplish).

Goodnight finally, right?

Wrong, in the daily life of a parent or anyone with mental health issues our days and nights colide. I toss and turn, up and down; never knowing what time my body will finally make up it's mind that the day is over. Insomnia is a funny thing; you never expect that something so important as Sleep will also be torn from you. Did you know that sleep is probably one of the most important things in this world! Sleep helps regulate everything in your body; weight loss, cell growth, recovering from illnesses or infections, even anxiety and depression. Insomnia and being a parent just do not mix well and yet here we are (most people at this point are saying "there are pills etc for this issue"; well let me tell you that I have been trying everything since I was 15 years old to help with this and nothing ever holds more than a few months).

I have tried many things to help with the Insomnia (this would help the depression and anxiety greatly). I have tried prescribe medications, natural medications. I have tried changing my diet and removing things like caffinee, alchol, etc. I have tried peanut butter sandwhich and warm mild. I have tried turning off all electronics an hour before bed. Needless to say I stay awake until 1, 2 or 3 am before I am finally ready to sleep; only to be awoken by my alarm telling me that my day needs to start.

The moral of all this is not for me to complain or tell you how terrible my life is. The moral of this is just this:

1. You never truly know what is going on in someone else's life so a tiny bit of kindness goes a long way

2. Never be afraid to ask for help when you struggle; the worst they can say is "NO".

3. Helping out a friend or loved one with mental health issues is not always a burden.

4. Do not over abuse the use of help that you make your life into someone else's burden

The most Important

5. Always remember that no matter what your day may bring; good or bad, you always have the next day to prove to your self that you can do anything or be anyone that you want to be. Remember to keep growing in everything that you do; focus on the things that you do accomplish and move forward from the things that you don't.

Tomorrow is always another day!!!!