Nan

The plane landed, and as I exited into the fresh air, the familiar salty breeze brushed my skin. Years passed by me, and my heart pounded inside my chest. My breath caught in my lungs and winded me, nearly taking me face-first down to the tarmac.

With my carry on in hand, I steadied myself and headed into the airport.

Sorrow hit me and overwhelmed my senses when the doors opened, and my friend Tobi was there. I'd half expected my Nan to stand before me and pull me into a hug despite my protests. I blinked back a few tears and collected my bag from the carousel, then I met Tobi in the parking lot.

With the hood down and wind in my hair, we drove down Pat Bay Highway spotting deer along the way.

I was happy to be home for a short while, seeing my friends and family.

We arrived at Tobi's parent's house after doing some groceries for the week, and it didn't take long to unload everything. They showed me around the place, I've known them for over a decade, yet I rarely went inside their house.

The afternoon sun came in through the kitchen window, heating my skin as we put away the food.

I said the necessary polite greeting's to their parents. Then right when I thought I was going to burst, I got shown to my bedroom in the basement.

My introverted friend left me alone with my thoughts for a few hours before dinner time came around. The rest of the night was a blur of conversation and planning for the next day.

After a sleepless night, I rose from my bed with a runny nose and puffy eyes. Tobi knocked on my door, asking if I would join him for breakfast, but my throat was too dry to answer.

The sweet aroma of waffles walled me from the kitchen as I tried to make a toasted cucumber sandwich. I force-fed myself the tiny sandwich I made, and it tried to rob me of the little energy I had.

"What time is the memorial," said Tobi between bites.

"Four o'clock," I replied.

"Do you want to do anything before I drop you off?"

"My cousin Max asked if we could meet up, and I said we could go to Red Barn near my Nan's house for lunch."

"I'll bring you there then to your Nan's and pick you up after the memorial."

Tobi took my plate and put it with his in the sink, then retreated to his room. All around me was different. My friend, who is like a brother, didn't know how to handle being around grief. I wanted to help him understand, but you can't force people to have empathy.

We met up with Max after we'd ordered sandwiches and sat around a table outside. Seagulls soared overhead, and a dragonfly flew around my food before landing on the dahlias nearby.

I tuned out the guys conversation since I found food appealing for the first time in months.

"Hey, Skylar, what do you think?"

"Pardon?"

"Nevermind, Sky," Tobi laughed.

My reverie returned me to eight years ago when Max dropped me off at Nan's after spending a day together. I climbed out, and he came around the car as though he wanted a hug, but I backed away.

"I love you, Sky," he said, trying to be casual.

I froze like I was doing now that Tobi pulled into my Nan's driveway. We agreed to meet two hours later after the memorial and go somewhere for dinner.

My aunt placed a small black notebook with 'guest book' written on the cover. My sister and her husband signed ahead of me and handed me the pen as they hugged my aunt and uncle.

From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Hana's tail wagging, but when I looked, it was nothing. Hana was living with a friend of my aunt's in Langford on the lake.

"So good to see you, Sky, you can put your sweater on Nan's bed," said my aunt.

The clock chimed four times as I turned the corner and took a few steps entering my Nan's room. A picture of Nan when she was about my age sat framed on her oak dresser. Beams of sunshine broke through the leaves of the tree in front of her bay window. I walked over and almost stepped on my Nan's slippers that she would wear standing where I stood now. Every morning she carried Hana and watched the sunrise over the fence into her garden. I felt her there.

My uncle came in and cleared his throat as he held out a very official-looking envelope. I opened it while he watched and found a cheque for twenty thousand dollars inside.

"That's the insurance cheque, and you'll get the estate part after I'm able to sell the house. You can come by tomorrow at three to clean up your stuff in the garage."

"Thanks," I replied.

He left the bedroom and greeted another mourner outside the door. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water when to my dismay, I overheard a few people talking about the house. They discussed when they thought my uncle was going to put it up for sale and the price. At least they complimented the new kitchen my Nan had renovated last year. I couldn't believe the audacity they had! Couldn't they have waited to talk until after the memorial? My Nan hadn't even been dead for a week! One of them noticed me and nodded their head as they hushed the other five with a guilty look. I rolled my eyes and took my glass to find Max or one of my other cousins.

When I couldn't see anyone right away, I moved toward the garage to look at my stuff I'd arrange tomorrow. Max followed me into the cold and turned on the light, then offered me a hug, and again I backed away.

He stood beside me as I stared at my old desk and chest of drawers.

"Years ago, my dad said he'd bring my stuff out to me, but he and my stepmom never got around to it. It's incredible because they got my sister her things," my voice cracked.

"Sky-"

"Not now, Max. I tried to make arrangements for so many things and planned to come out for Nan's birthday. She's the only family member who wanted me around. I feel like I lost the only person who loved me."

I couldn't meet his eyes as I left him and met Tobi outside. We drove off and hit Mackenzie avenue, clear of traffic.