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My Wife Puts No Effort Into Our Marriage (My Wife Doesn't Make An Effort)

As someone who gives marriage advice, one of the things I unfortunately here from men is my wife puts no effort into our marriage. If you're in this spot, then I know that you're probably a little devastated, and also feeling a little panicky, like everything is about to end. The fact is that a lot of men get to a point where they're thinking my wife doesn't make an effort... but there are ways to save a marriage in this circumstance.

By Melody KhloePublished 2 years ago 7 min read
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The way to save a marriage is so much easier when both parties are willing to work things out to achieve that objective. However, in most cases, only one spouse has that desire and not the other.

If that's your situation, then the first thing you got to do to save a marriage is to convince your spouse that the marriage is worth saving. And if that sounds impossible, here are 4 tips you can start using to make it a reality.

Improve Yourself Physically, Mentally, Emotionally and Psychologically

If your spouse was trying to convince you to salvage the marriage but became worse physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically than when you first married her, would you want to salvage it? I guess not...

So this first tip to save a marriage is all about improving and taking care of yourself in all aspects so there would at least be an incentive for your spouse to consider saving the marriage.

Act Like You Have a Blissful Marriage

I know this may sound like an impossible task given the fact that your marriage is on the rocks, but it can work wonders for you if you can somehow pull it off.

The truth is, how you act will influence how you feel as well as how others see you. For example, you can't feel angry when you have a big smile on your face. Also, if you start treating your spouse like the marriage is going great, your spouse is going to feel better around you and will consider saving the marriage.

Of course, sometimes it can get difficult if your partner wants to pick a fight on a regular basis, but there will be times when things are well and you can use those opportunities to see your spouse as the person you were once deeply in love with. That will make applying this tip so much easier.

Never Beg, Use Threats or Get Your Spouse on Guilt Trips

This tip helps you to stop pushing your spouse away that will eventually make it difficult for you to convince her to save a marriage.

Sometimes, you may be tempted to use mind games when you want your spouse to join you for marriage counselling or when you're trying to keep her away from other love rivals. But really, begging, using threats and getting your spouse on guilt trips will only backfire.

Instead reason logically with your spouse using statements like "Isn't our 10 years of marriage worth some counselling sessions to save it?" or "Don't you think our marriage is still worth saving seeing how we've gone through thick and thin all these years?".

Show That You're Sincere to Save A Marriage

This tip applies if your spouse is leaving you because you have some addictions, habits or character flaws that you aren't doing anything about.

For example, if you have a gambling problem, anger problem or you had an affair, you're going to have to convince your spouse that you've changed so that she will consider saving the marriage. And the best way to do that is to show your spouse that you're taking concrete actions to deal with your problems.

You can show that you're seeking counselling or taken up self-improvement courses to improve yourself. Once she sees real action, that's going to help convince her to save a marriage.

At the start, I mentioned that your best bet to save a marriage is to convince your spouse that the marriage is worth saving, which isn't always easy. But use the tips you just learnt and you'll be surprised to see that in order to save a marriage, you don't have to resort to seeing expensive counsellors or trouble others to help you out.

Two Wolves, and the Ways of Men - Feed the Good Wolf, and Enhance Your Marriage

"Every divorce is the death of a small civilization". - Pat Conroy

There seems to be a resurgence in America of good old fashioned regard for the institution of marriage. It appears to be driven partly by a disdain for celebrity relationship 'adventurism', partly because of the state of the economy which, by itself has held couples together, partly, I believe, because there's a renewal of belief in a more spiritual, less materialistic life. I believe we're turning away from consumerism, toward a society that values inner satisfaction over retail therapy and credit-card cures.

The economic argument seems counterintuitive, considering that economic strains often drive people apart, which often leads to more satisfaction through shopping, which causes more distance and on and on. But those same stresses can uncover a backlog of issues that are becoming irrelevant in comparison with holding the family together. I believe we're beginning to address some of those issues, and that the financial mess we're in has become a focal point of change, the silver lining, if you will. People are staying together. The trend is good news for the country, and the community.

The numbers are pretty remarkable. Between 1991 and 2002 the divorce rate fell in this country from the Census Bureau's often-cited 50% rate, the proportion of marriages taking place that will eventually end in divorce, downward to roughly 43% by the National Center for Health Statistics. Most recently, according to the New York Times, it's been revised further downward to just over 40%. So that commonly heard half of all marriages end in divorce statistic we keep tossing around isn't true. Granted, 40% of marriages ending is still a sad commentary on our ability to work out differences, and remain true to our wedding vows, but the trend is encouraging.

Are we marrying later? A bit. The average age at marriage now is 26 for women and 27 for men. Maturity always helps. But that can't explain it fully. Is divorce harder to obtain? Perhaps, or maybe the aforementioned maturity has made us more aware of those costs. Divorce is a $28 Billion (Yes, the 'B' word) dollar industry in the U.S. And the average divorce costs about $20,000. That realization would deter a lot of people.

But that can't be the whole reason. I believe there's a more humanistic answer here, and I believe it has to do with our evolving understanding that marriage is truly a status to be entered into well, and given every opportunity to succeed.

I direct this piece at men, partly because, being one myself, I speak with a bit of authority on this issue. Plus, as a divorced man, my familiarity with it is doubly authoritative. I know first hand how disruptive and painful a separation and divorce can be, and almost always are. Particularly when there are children involved, the anxiety, dashed expectations and unattractive outcomes cause all manner of reassessment of who we thought we were. Divorce hurts a lot of people, and I believe the word is out on the street that divorce really sucks, deterring some from following that path too easily, or quickly. I can attest that it really does, and it really is.

We men have a unique opportunity to have an impact on this issue. Since we appear to be hard wired toward more individualism, less inclined to stay in one spot and try to flourish there, we need to look at a different aspect of our male-ness, our respect and admiration for other mens' perseverance, especially when life gets tough, and others encourage us to follow our own instincts. But we also need to be more aware, and more supportive of other mens' overtures toward their gentler, more human side. We all feel the urge to reach out to our spouses when things get tense. We're beginning to see that we can give in to those emotions, and still retain our identity as males in this culture, and perhaps even enhance it. Along those lines there's a touching story that comes to us from the Cherokee Indians about two wolves.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

'The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'

The grandson thought for a minute, and then asked his grandfather, 'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'

Next time your spouse expects something from you that causes you to revert to the bad wolf, remember that expression, and feed the good wolf. Your marriage, and your self-image will be better for it. We men have, I believe, an obligation to our colleagues and ourselves, to admire those who feed the good wolf, encourage them to continue that behavior, and seek others like us to do the same.

Pay Close Attention Here-

Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick that will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were - in love, committed, and excited about the future - within a few days guaranteed. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here

Thinking about regaining the status of "Happily Married"? It is possible and is not difficult if you think it is not. But exactly how you do so? If you would like the source most couples used to revive their relationship, strengthened their marriage, regain trust and love in the marriage and not giving up then visit Secrets To A Happy Marriage

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