My Son’s Girlfriend’s Father Just Passed Away. I Don’t Do Well With Death

We received news a couple of days ago that my son’s girlfriend’s father passed away last Sunday. It was unexpected, as far as I know. I still haven’t heard how it happened yet. And she’s downstairs with him, as I write this, upstairs in my room.

I don’t do well with death. I am a pretty happy-go-lucky guy most of the time. I don’t tend to worry about much of anything in life. I have a beautiful, amazing family. They are my favorite people and all five of us still live at home together, at least for the near future.

The one thing I do stress about often is death. Mainly, about my own. I’m 47-years-old and will be 48 in October. I worry about leaving my Bride and children behind if god-forbid, I suddenly pass away.

I was once really healthy. At least as far as exercise and weight went. I worked out anywhere from 4 to 6 times a week from ages 19 to about 37. I hope that has given me enough leeway to be reasonably healthy at this age.

The past six to eight years haven’t been nearly as consistent, as far as working out goes. Where I once weighed between 185 to 195 lbs, I have weighed between 210 to 230 lbs for the past six to eight years. At a height of five foot eleven, I know that’s in the unhealthy, overweight category.

I love food. I’m Italian, and I’ve loved to cook for at least 15 years or more now. How could I not? The dinners I used to make for my daughter initially, and later for my Bride and my bonus children for the past 10+ years are full of rich sauces, heavy on the cheeses, and delicious.

I love red wine, too. Cabernet, exclusively. I’m drinking a large glass as I write this, and it’s 3/4 gone. It’s rarer that I don’t have at least one solid glass per night than not. Usually two.

I know that red wine has anti-oxidants and I’ve read that a glass of wine per night can reduce the likelihood of heart attacks. So I bank on that and use that information to justify drinking a decent amount of wine almost every day.

I do make it to the gym usually two to four times a week. When I go. I might go two or three weeks in a row, then miss two or three weeks. I tell myself I’m too busy with my writing, or if I do a few carpet cleaning jobs during the week, that’s pretty solid exercise, and that I should worry about it. But I do worry about it.

I’ve known a handful of relatives, friends, or acquaintances who have passed away from heart attacks. A few, younger than me. Most, have been a bit older. But not that much older. I worry about this being my future one day, possibly sooner than later.

And it sucks. I love my family. I love life. I love to laugh, sing, joke, drink, write and have no desire to leave this existence any time soon. I was raised religiously, yet have no logical rationale that there is a life after this one.

I mean, I hope there is. I was raised quite religiously, by a pastor father, and a mother who is a believer. I’d like to think that I’ll see my Bride, children, my dog Libby, our friends, Prince, Chris Cornell, Robin Williams, and especially Freddie Mercury up in heaven one day. But I have my serious doubts about all of that.

So I try to make the best of middle age. I do my best to make my Bride and children laugh daily at the silly things I do and say. I’ll always attempt to create lifelong memories for them all. I hope I’ll see them again. But if I can’t, I hope they’ll at least often remember me with fondness, laughter, and love.

I wrote a poem recently that I hope they will all read again after I am gone and that they’ll think of all the ways to remember me. If you haven’t seen it, please check it out, It’s called After I’m Gone, How You’ll Know That It’s Me. Please give it a read, I sure appreciate it.

So I sit here upstairs, on the verge of tears and knowing I should probably be downstairs offering additional condolences to Ellie. She’s been quiet so far in the 30 or 45 minutes she’s been here. This is actually the norm for her. But sadly, it’s different tonight.

I greeted her when they arrived. I offered her my sincere sympathy and condolences. But what can you really say, when a young woman loses her father two weeks after graduation? He was just here in town to see her graduate. Thank god for that, but that’s also so, so sad.

Ultimately, losing the ones closest to you is a part of life. With any luck, children usually outlive their parents. However, when it happens far sooner than anticipated, it really freaking hurts. I couldn’t imagine my three kids losing me, their mom, or their other parents at a young age. So far, they haven’t had to deal with that. I pray that they don’t for quite some time.

We’ll be here for Ellie. Tonight and every night we’re blessed to have her in our lives. And should one of us older folks be the next one to leave this life, I know our little family will have each other’s backs. I hope that they will tell the silliest of silly stories about me. Believe me, there are PLENTY to go around. %:^)