My Mother the Pisces.

My mother is actually a wonderful human, as much as I do not like associating with her personally. She makes a lot of people feel good about themselves, and she can be very kind in certain circumstances. I did not learn my own kindness from her, but I just want to get that out of the way before I really dig in.

One of the things my mother has taught me is the value of leadership. I don't believe she is the greatest person to learn this from but she had me in a lot of leadership programs as a child. It was because of this that I learned truly what it means to be a decent person with a high moral standing.

It's a bit funny she inadvertently taught me the value of hard work, and that if you put your mind to it you can do just about anything. I say it's funny because I learned this through consistently being told what I can and cannot do. She tried to be supportive of certain things I wanted, but other times she was very clear on the fact that she didn't think I could do it.

I guess you could say my mother also taught me to forgive. I'm still learning, as you can see from the tone of my writing, but I am trying to embrace forgiveness. It is truly a journey, and though I don't actively harbor resentment for the things that happened to me in childhood, I am not at the finish line yet.

My mother also indirectly taught me the power of kindness. Though I never really felt like I received the attention or love I needed as a child, it was through that heartache that I really understood how important it is to treat other people with compassion and kindness. I learned through my own ugly upbringing that everyone is deserving of patience, and it's often the people who do not get this that turn into the monsters we see in adulthood.

I learned through my mother that somebody can have good intentions for you, but it doesn't necessarily mean that their actions reflect that. I know most of us had heard the phrase "I would never steer you wrong" and it does have pure intention behind it, but it isn't always the case. We are all human and even when we mean well, we can still do a lot of damage in our ignorance. It's a hard pill to swallow for a lot of parents, because as a caretaker you want to believe that you're doing your best. But at the same time, your best may not always be good enough.

When you see somebody who finds pleasure in being a nuisance, it's often because of the way they were loved as a child, or the lack thereof. Motherhood is such an important role and I truly believe that a lot of us take it for granted, the power of a caretaker.

As a person who doesn't have a close relationship with their mother, it both warms my heart and fills it with rage when I observe those with decent mothers. On one hand, I am happy for those people, but on the other hand, it makes me mourn the relationship I never had.

I put the word Pisces in the title because for the longest time, my mother (as well as my twin brothers who are Pisces) made me wary of any Pisces I come in contact with. It wasn't until fairly recently that I had come to the understanding that it is totally unnecessary to typecast one type of person based on the traumas of a specific individual.

I really do appreciate my mother for all the things I've had to endure, and though I wish I had a better childhood and adolescence, I want nothing but good for her. Just...no where near me!