My life as a single mom

It will be two years in July since I have given birth to my son, I am a single mom. The situation with my son's father was abusive, he changed once I became pregnant. Throughout my pregnancy I got support by taking me to my appointments and that's about it, my family was never supportive of the fact I became pregnant. I ended up having to deal with the emotional pain on my own, at that time I was also unemployed. Overall from getting pregnant to giving birth was living hell for me emotionally and somewhat physically on my body. I ended up developing PPD when I had my 6 week check-up, again no one supported me through my struggles with that, I some know people will say to tough up and not get so fragile and emotional or feel like I am the victim when I don't have that mindset. I just wished I got more emotional support I think every pregnant women and mother would say the same thing.

When I gave birth in July 2020 I was laying in the hospital bed all alone at night and I was just trying to get some sleep, I remember just laying there thinking " Well this is it, it really start now" I just couldn't believe that I was all alone to take care of my son, my family wasn't around nor was his dad. To be honest I did not want his dad around because of the constant arguments and the emotional and mental abuse he put me through. When I eventually got home, I could barely walk because I got a c-section done, I had to rest but wasn't able to for obvious reasons.

From the time of birth to about 6 months was so much work on my end, the constant crying, changing diapers, feeding etc. That took such a toll on me, plus hearing just negative feedback from my mom did not help at all. In the beginning of breastfeeding my son he never attached properly and just couldn't feed him that way so I did formula, I do remember the morning nurse I had would also let me know to really think about if I should feed my son formula or not, that really got on my nerves. It was my decision and she didn't help with it. I did have WIC so I was able to get formula but in most cases I did have to pay out of pocket, I would sometimes buy the big cans for $38 and that became a struggle as well.

Fast forward to my sons father actually visiting me and my son, I know I said I did not want him in our lives, he did not show for the birth because he was at work. The whole time that he was visiting he started arguments with me about him wanting to get back together and him saying awful things. When me and him went out for a walk he started a argument because I didn't want to get back with him, he got mad and left me mind you it was dark outside and started walking back. The whole time he just did not seem so interested in seeing his son or anything like that, he stayed on his phone. Enough talking about my son's "sperm donor" since at this point that what he is.

I eventually moved with my parents to another house in the same state and I started looking for jobs, it was around June time frame that I got a job working as a freight associate, that job had its ups and downs. It seems like everywhere I go there has to be some women that just doesn't like me and lone behold a woman didn't when I did nothing to her. She started saying stuff about me and spreading rumors, overall she was annoying when I went to work to get away from my problem to show up to work dealing wit another problem.

I eventually did meet a man at work, and I asked for his number a month of working there, I did tell him that I have a child and that I am a single mom etc. He didn't take it so well which I now not everyone will, him and I didn't talk for a few days and while I was at work he went to the aisle I was in and actually apologized for the way he reacted and that he was sorry and he wants to see how it will go and wanted to get to know me. We went on a few dates and then made it official, we hung out a few times a month and then for some reason my parents didn't allow me to go hangout with him. I did hang out with him when I got to on my own time with my son, we went on walk and to the playground and just talked. I met his parents and his parents are really nice, I wasn't told that I had to move with my parents until 3 months of dating him. The months went by until the move date, we eventually did long distance, we are still doing long distance. He is going to visit me soon which I am looking forward to seeing him, I am currently unemployed which is a bummer, it seems like my parents just don't want me to get a job.

I am currently working on UX design course and Real Estate license at the moment, hopefully I'll be able to become successful at those and not be so broke anymore. I have financial struggles and that is definitely not helping me in any way, I just want things to work out and that I am able to live the life that I want and also for my son!

I know this whole story sounded like just ranting, but these are just my thoughts and I want to share them, I will most likely write a new post maybe once or twice a week, hope to see you there.

Thanks!