My Husband Says He Is Confused About Our Marriage (My Husband Says He Doesn't Know What He Wants)

I know that this isn't an easy situation for you. It hurts to hear your husband say that he isn't sure about you and the marriage. However, many wives are dealing with a husband who has no confusion, because he is sure that his marriage is over. So while his confusion may be frustrating to you, at least he hasn't made up his mind that the marriage is over. At least he still has some positive thoughts about you and your marriage. This gives you something to build upon and tells you that all is not lost.

Of course you want for him to make up his mind as soon as possible. And the chances are good that you want for him to decide that he still wants you and your marriage. So, it can be very tempting to push in order to make this happen quickly. Even if you don't mean to, it's easy to start to apply some pressure to get him to not only make up his mind quickly, but to make up his mind to include the decision that you prefer.

This type of pressure can actually hurt your chances of making your marriage work. In my opinion and experience, you're generally going to be much better off being patient. Even if you don't feel this patience, try to take a step back and make it appear as if you do. You want for your husband to believe that you want him to be happy and you are willing to allow him to come to his own decisions. Now, understand that he is going to be more likely to be committed to your and your marriage if you act in a positive way while he's making up his mind. I know that this can be very challenging when you know that there is a real chance that when the confusion ends, he may walk away. But choose to focus on the positive because this gives you a better chance of getting the results you want.

What does it mean when he's confused about your marriage? It often means that he's having some conflicting feelings and he doesn't know which are more real or valid. Often, this "confusion" comes after you've had some struggles in your marriage, but this isn't always the case. Sometimes, husbands project other problems in their lives onto their marriage. The good news is that eventually, many come to realize that their wife or their marriage truly wasn't the problem. However, even if you suspect this, it's often not to your benefit to tell your husband that he's wrong or being selfish. If you allow him to figure this out on his own, that's the best outcome.

Sometimes, the reason that your husband is confused is obvious. Sometimes, there are intimacy issues, another woman, or a certain conflict that just won't go away. If you know the source of the confusion, try to address it in a genuine and loving way. When I say genuine, what I mean by that is that you don't want it to be obvious that you are just trying to clean up the problems quickly to end his confusion. Instead, you want to make it clear that you are trying to solve your problem because you genuinely care about him and the marriage.

Instead of trying to strong arm your husband into making a quick decision that may be detrimental to you and your marriage, you might try something like: "I'm hurt to hear that you're confused about our marriage. My commitment is clear to me, but I understand that you might be struggling with some things right now. I have no problem giving you the time and space that you need because I love you and I want to save our marriage. If you can give me some feedback as to what might be the main source of your confusion, I'd be more than happy to work with you to resolve any issues so that the answer might be a little more clear."

Notice that in this conversation, you never told him his confusion was a stall tactic or was not genuine. And you never questioned his sincerity. It should be a given that you respect and accept his feelings. If you disagree with him or try to strong arm him into hurrying up and making up his mind, the implication is that your peace of mind matters more than his and you never want to give off this impression when your very marriage is at stake.

What To Do When You Feel Like Nagging At Your Husband to Work on Your Marriage

Does thinking about the early days of your romance and marriage make you cry? Is your sadness caused by feelings that your marriage is in ruins and there's nothing you can do to stop a divorce and save your relationship? Maybe you are wishing you could make your husband love you again like he did back then. There are thousands of people faced with this same dilemma who are working hard every day to turn things around, because there are strategies you can use to restore the close, loving union the two of you once had. In order for this to work, you're going to have to be strong and persistent. You may not receive any help from your spouse, at least not in the beginning. Are you up to the challenge?

The whole system revolves around restraining natural impulses to beg, plead, and fight back. These are things that your whole body and soul might be urging you to do, but the fact of the matter is that they never work. In fact, if you spend too much time acting like a martyr, trying to provoke guilt trips, or arguing, you're just signing your marriage's death warrant. Sure, it might feel good at the time, but if you want lasting results, you have to learn to play it cool and resist these impulses. It sounds difficult, doesn't it, but how much is saving your marriage worth to you?

Do you really think that by sitting around regaling your spouse with excuses for your past behavior and promises that things will change you are going to win him back? The answer is a big, resounding "NO!" This type of behavior is only going to annoy your spouse more and push him farther away from you. Besides, confessions of guilt on your part will only be construed as desperation which isn't an emotion to turn him back onto you. So learn to keep your mouth shut no matter what words are pushing to come out. Keep your demeanor calm, and never, ever beg.

As hard as it might be to believe, telling your spouse repeatedly that you love him isn't going to win him back. It will never convince him that you are sincere about wanting your marriage to work. As you've probably figured out, marriages grow and evolve, and nothing is going to take you back to the blissful days of your courtship. Once again, keeping your mouth shut is your best course of action.

You also need to make sure you don't continue to remind your husband of the problems in your relationship. He doesn't need to be told over and over about what he has done to undermine your marriage and that he needs to change, and long lectures and arguments are going to do more to convince him that your marriage needs to end than it is to show him there's reason to continue.

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