My grandpa, my father, my pops!

Growing up I always wondered why my dad didnt love me and didnt want to be my dad! I always thought maybe I did something wrong. It was bad enough my mom was never truly there for me but not having a dad as well made it even harder. I used to watch my friends get hugged by their dad or have their dad tell them he loved them while I just smiled and wished I was them. I remember the first time I met my dad, I was twelve years old and there was a knock on my door(my grandparents door) and when I opened it, there stood a man I only knew by pictures I had seen and a voice I had heard a handful of times in my life. My heart was raising and not because I was excited to meet him but because I wanted to scream at him and I wanted to tell him how much I hated him for not loving me and how I needed a dad and he was never there! But just as I was about ready to tell him all of this I saw my grandpa pull up in the driveway and instead of doing just that I ran past that man who was never there for me and ran right up to my grandpa and squeezed him so tight! It was at that very moment I realized I had always had a father and why I didnt see it until then I dont know. My grandpa laughed, “Okay Chrystal, dont squeeze the life out of me!” I looked back at that man I didnt know and told him to leave! My grandpa pulled me closer and whispered, “Just hear him out sweety, or you might regret it!” I let that man I now call only by his first name (Darryl) into the house and we sat down at the kitchen table. He tried to tell me it was my moms fault he was never a part of my life. He explained she wouldnt let him see me and it wasnt until I moved into my grandparents (when I was eight) that he was able to talk to me on the phone. I didnt know if I should believe him but my mom wasnt there to say otherwise. For the next two years he actually called me once a week, sent me birthday and christmas presents and had me come visit him in Pennsylvania and meet my siblings for the first time. I actually began to think maybe my mom did keep me away from him. But then, just as fast as he came into my life, he was gone again! He stopped calling me, stopped sending me presents, and the number I had for him was disconnected! It broke me all over again but my “true” father was there to help me through it. It has now been almost 28 years since I first met Darryl and within those 28 years I have seen him another handful of times and I even invited him to my wedding two year's ago. He told me he would come but he thought I should have my grandpa walk me down the aisle! I laughed so hard when he said that, and I actually laughed out loud at him. I told him, “My father will for sure be walking me down the aisle, not you Darryl, I only thought it was the polite thing to do and invite you since the siblings are all coming (Im close with all 5 of them). About a week before the wedding I received a letter in the mail from him telling me he thought it was best he not come to the wedding because it would only embarrass him! He went on an on about how it wasnt fair that I treated him that way! How I treated him?? I didnt care how I treated him, he deserved every last bit of it! The day of my wedding came and as my “true” father, whom I call pops was hugging me at the end of the alter, I squeezed him so hard and I closed my eyes to just embrace that hug that I almost forgot I needed to turn around to get married but then a voice laughed in my ears, “Okay Chrystal, dont squeeze the life out of me!”