My Dad Should Be The Default

It's Friday, June 24th, in the United States of America, and the SCOTUS has just overturned the Landmark ruling of Roe v. Wade, denying lifesaving reproductive healthcare to millions of American women.

In Australia, it's Saturday, 1:15 PM on June 25th, and after a morning messaging and support posting for my friends and acquaintences in the USA, I checked the time zones and figured I had enough overlap to call my Dad, who lives with my Stepmother in San Diego.

When the call connected, I thought I'd dialed the wrong number, because all I could hear was a woman's voice, somewhat grainy and louder than I thought I had my speaker settings on, and a lot of background noise. This was clarified a few seconds later, as Dad half-shouted that he was at a Protest March and wouldn't be able to hear me, but would call back once he and Pat got home.

I hung up, and texted that I was proud of him and would call tomorrow, instead.

I am proud of my Dad, and so, so grateful to have a father who is so supportive of my rights not only as a woman, but as a human being capable of making choices.

I am also incandescently furious. I know that there will be comments praising my father for being so progressive, especially from women who don't have that support in their lives. He'll be called a great dad, a hero, an example.

Here's the problem: he shouldn't be.

This stance shouldn't be considered progressive or revolutionary. It shouldn't be noteworthy. He shouldn't be the exception or an example.

My father should be the bare minimum standard for all men: supportive of his daughter's right to bodily autonomy.

He isn't, and that's a problem.

It shouldn't matter that my Dad has a daughter who would need an abortion if I ever got pregnant. (I take lifesaving medication that is incompatible with a viable pregnancy.) It it shouldn't just be men who are fathers of daughters, either. Enby and Intersex children, and Trans sons, are also at risk.

Support for Women's Rights, for Human Rights, shouldn't be framed in terms of "Imagine if it was your sister/wife/daughter/friend".

It should be as simple as "Imagine someone suffering this gross violation of their right to bodily autonomy".

Support for women shouldn't be reliant on whether or not someone you know and love will be impacted; it should start and end with the fact that anyone, anywhere will have their human rights violated in the name of "religious freedom" and "constitutional values", and that's wrong.

My Dad is closer to 70 than 60, and if media coverage has proven anything, people would bend over backward to defend his right to be "A Product Of His Generation".

How many times has an white, well-off, older man said something racist or sexist or derogatroy, and been excused with "well, he's just a product of his time; you can't blame him..."?

I can, and I will.

My father was raised by Christian truck drivers in the inner city suburbs, both parents dying before his 22nd birthday. "Homosexual" was a dirty word. He worked his way up in the world, with two out of three children having chronic disabilities.

No-one (or at least, no-one on most news outlets) would blame him for being the kind of person who lobbied against social support "handouts", or joked about a women's place being in the kitchen.

(Plot-twist: Dad likes to cook, and is good at it.)

Instead, my Dad donates and volunteers his time to Planned Parenthood and the ACLU. He and my Step-mother bought a clinic in a low-income area that they lease to Planned Parenthood for something like $1 a year, so that healthcare is more accessable to people who can't afford to travel long-distance. He does Angel Flights, using the bonanza he co-owns to fly people where they need to go, sometimes across state lines, to get the medical care they need, free of charge.

I never feared coming out to my parents, or introducing my non-Cis, non-Straight Partners to my father. If I ever needed an abortion, I would never fear judgement from him, and he'd probably drive me to the nearest available clinic himself.

I wish more women were blessed to have a father like mine.

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