MY ANGEL BABY

These months haven't been feeling myself. From grieving so much for the baby I’ve lost. It does hurt a lot knowing my baby of 24 weeks old was gone, but I have to keep going at some point. That day was today.

I was getting some delicious breakfast for my significant other. Knowing he loves coffee and bagels with cream cheese. I decided to get that for the both of us to start the morning. As I was entering our apartment I heard him from the bedroom calling my name,

“ Heather, where are you?!”

“I’m here Dominick”

“Oh good, because as I turned over to give a kiss and you weren’t there, I thought something happened!”

Dominick is a good guy, although sometimes he can be weird in all but that’s just how he is. He’s a very kind gentleman and he’s there when I need him.

As we were eating, he was telling me how I got some cream cheese on my lips. I wipe it off with a soft white napkin I had beside me.

He laughs and said ”you are so messy my love”

”I guess I am Dominic ” with a glowing smile on my face.

As we continue with the day. I decided not to go to work this time. I took time off because my job gave me a week to grieve. It was so generous that my boss Kyle let me take time off because of my angel baby.

I didn’t know what to expect. As a soon to be mom, I already bought little tiny shoes for my baby and clothes. The clothes was the tiniest thing I have ever seen. I wish I can see my baby for one more time.

When they took her off my hands I felt like a part of me left. I felt so empty without her in my womb where she was growing day by day. Getting a little bigger day by day.

I can’t believe it, the most precious thing inside my belly was gone. I can no longer see my child even if I didn’t meet him or her.

I try talking to my mom about the feelings I had but all she can say to me is…

“Get over it! It’s not like you have met the child and named it.”

She was wrong about the name thing. I did have few names in mind. For girls like Esperanza, Bibiana or Julia. And for a boy Rafael, or Matteo after my dad who miss so much.

I didn’t understand why my mother was so cruel to me. My mom was supposed to be there to me.

I didn’t have a really good supportive team. I really needed it. My husband was there but I couldn’t cry over and over to him about my grieve. Because all I can think about is Dominic is grieving too.

He had other things to worry like, money problems. We didn’t have much but we still manage to keep going.

As the day continue to go on. I decided to get some groceries for tonight with the little money I had.

That is when my heart was racing so much.

I saw a cute couple with their baby. I could say he is about 3 years old.

My heart was aching so much. Knowing there couples there that could be with their child they been growing 9 months for.

Knowing they have them for their test of their life. It hurt me so much. So much from the pain and suffer I felt when I was pregnant.

Soon I started to feel a warm feeling going down my dress.

It was red bloood streaming down my legs. I started to panic and it brought me back my memories to when they took her out of me.

My breath started to feel heavy down my chest. I could see that people were trying to help me.

In that time I collapse to the floor and knew nothing after that.

“Please someone call 911. This lady needs us right now, ” as a women said.

“She’s losing a lot of blood,” said another women.