Musings of a Momma Bear

I texted my 12-year-old daughter this morning, thoughts weighing heavily on my mind regarding recent struggles she's having at school and with her dad: "Promise me no matter how many people don't listen to you when you speak up that you will never stop fighting to be heard, no matter what. What you believe, think, want, and need MATTERS!"

You see, this is something so close to my heart. I've been shushed for a long time. My voice has been stifled within me.

I've been shushing myself.

I stopped listening to my inner hippie, as I like to call her. The voice that tells me what I need and want. The one that matters. Somewhere along the line I started crying silently, screaming in my head instead of fighting out loud and proud for what I knew needed to change.

You see, during the course of my marriage I started "turtling," tucking my head to keep the peace and avoid being too needy.

You see, during the course of motherhood I started putting their needs first and trying to forget I ever had any needs of my own to begin with.

You see, during the course of my divorce I started being terrified of everything, and I listened to misguided lawyers who told me not to tell my whole story because it "wasn't enough."

I was wrong. I take responsibility for my silence. But I refuse to let my daughter walk the same path. I'm proud of her headstrong, speak-up, make-it-known attitude. I wish I had more of that in me too.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to hide. It is infuriating to feel that my voice is being squelched. It is infuriating to not be able to invoke change in my children's lives. But it is terrifying to think my daughter may learn this habit-of being too quiet when things aren't right-from me.

Beginning today I will model better behavior for her. I will take time to get enough rest (which is my biggest mommy need). I will not let fear keep me quiet when I see injustice-even if fighting through it will not lead to victory. I will not be afraid to stand up for myself against anyone who is deriding, disrespectful, or belittling. I will speak up about what I need and I will gratefully accept help from loved ones. I will be honest about when I'm not okay, when I'm hurting, and let friends and loved ones comfort me. I will encourage her to speak her mind and to respectfully fight for her beliefs. I will be the woman I want her to become (and pray she masters it even better than I have) because I love my bear cubs and that's what momma bears do.

About the Author

Sara L. Foust is a mother of 5, girlfriend of 1, daughter, sister, friend, graduate student, medical transcriptionist, substitute teacher, Christian, author, editor, proofreader...busy momma bear...who loves books, writing, her family, and East Tennessee. Connect with her at her website or find her books on Amazon.