Motherhood

It’s been eight months since I gave birth. Eight long months yet I don’t even remember how time went by so fast. My little baby who had just came into my arms yesterday is crawling all over the place, screaming on top of her lungs, laughing her heart out on the silliest of things.

They say;

“The days are long but the years are short.”

It’s true. Feels like yesterday, I was my daddy’s little daughter, without a care, living on top of the world. Full of laughter, full of expression and so full of fire.

The hardest reality of life is that growth will break you. Like a caterpillar wrapping itself into a cocoon. For that lite creature, that might feel like the end of its world. What he doesn’t know is that it’s the beginning of an extraordinary new journey. It’s the principle of life. The more you break, the more you grow. Pain is meant to teach us a lesson. And with every lesson you grow a little sober, and the spark in you feel lighter and lighter. But then you see that same fire rekindled in the little blessing you hold.

It’s almost amazing seeing this little human, who is half you and half the love of your life, who has the same smile as you, dimple on the same side as you, same bright eyes and the same fire within and yet she’s a whole person in her own. I consciously remind myself everyday not to label her with my own ideas of the world and myself but to let her experience life for herself and take out lessons she learns.

Before she was born, I would worry about how I would nurture and care for her. And while I do nurture and care for her, without even realising, she is healing and nurturing my inner child more than I could ever imagine. With every passing day, a part of me grows with her, into a more positive, confident and loving person.

Growth is a funny process. Just when you think you have achieved full command and grown your best. The process starts from zero, with a completely different approach, diving into a completely different version of you. Before she was born, I was this goal driven, career oriented boss girl who weighed her every move in profit or loss. Till the ninth month of pregnancy I was going to work until my colleagues actually begged me to stay at home or they would have to rush me to the hospital any minute😂. “I don’t have anything better to do” I would say. And boy oh boy did having a baby make me busy. It’s like a complete priority shift for me. I tried going back to the office but I knew I’m only wearing myself out to the point where I am content neither at home nor at the office. I needed to pick a side. And so I chose to leave my job to be an at home mother.

For a person as career driven as me, it’s not easy to stay at home. I worry and I worry a lot. About all the things. About not having the liberty to buy whatever I want. About not having another stream of income. About the needs and wants of the baby and not having to compromise on anything. I will not lie and say that leaving my job came like the bright rainbow I was hoping for and took me and my daughter to the fairyland of motherhood where everything is magical. No!. I was still second guessing, I was still worrying and I would still have anxiety but one thing weighs every other thing out, that is that I get to spend undivided, unlimited and unconditional time with my baby. I am a core part of her journey (as it should be or as I would always imagine) and present for her whenever she needs me.

I will write tips and advices and also share sites to help mamas with tight budgets to earn from home in another article. But for now, moms, I see you, I hear you, I feel you. Don’t ever doubt you being a good momma. This is my story. I’d love to hear yours in the comments.