Mommy you should have known better

Candy lived with her grandparents but her 2 brothers resided with their mom, stepdad and stepsister. Nine year old Candy dreaded spending the night with her mom because of the sleeping arrangements. All 3 of her siblings slept in the same room and her 6 and 7 year old brothers Robby and Willy had twin beds side by side. Seven year old Dana was in a bed that was against the far end of the wall. It was higher up in the air than the boys beds and and was covered in plastic. Candy never could figure out what the bed sat on to make it above her head level.

Obviously Dana’s dad did this to prevent the urine from dripping on the floor because Dana still wet the bed at night. Looking back Candy wondered if her stepdad was trying to put distance between Dana and the boys. Candy pondered if her mother ever processed this situation at all. Mom had been young once and she had to know what some curious boys did when left alone with their sisters or maybe not. Mom was an only child so perhaps this scenario may not have occurred to her. Then again, the first time Candy had slept in a bed beside her brother, she instinctively felt it was wrong. She was on guard and her fears were realized the third and forth times she spent the night.

If Dana was not peeing in the bed Candy would not have had to sleep with Willy. Once during vacation Bible school a teenage boy asked where Candy slept when she visited her siblings. When Robby said with Willy, the older boy laughed and said “aww, aww”, with a devilish gleam in his eyes. Even he knew what went on with boys and girls. Candy answered that this was a nasty thing to say about brothers and sisters as she quickly looked around the church basement hoping no one else had heard.

She then wondered if this boy had tried anything with either of his own 2 sisters? Everyone seemed to know the possibilities with a boy and girl in bed together except the one person who should have had her back and that was her mother. After a certain age she thought siblings of the opposit sex should not sleep in the same bed but her mom obviously had no problem with it. Candy was a shy child and pretty introverted. She absolutely did not like trouble as she did not want her grandma to beat her with extension cords or big switches brought in from outside. She also did not want to be a tattle tale and get her brother in trouble so she kept quite about what had happened twice.

If this were 2021 someone may have taken her to a doctor when she was a child and perhaps she might have been diagnosed as having social anxiety. Maybe she was high functioning autistic and looking back from an adult perspective Candy wonders why she was so paranoid, frightened and anxious as a child. She panicked at lunch time because she was a picky eater and did not want the other kids to tease her. She jumped at loud noises, and cried when balloons popped. She cringed whenever boys in her class at school would start fighting when the teacher was out of the room out of fear one might kill the other.

Candy froze when bullies teased her and could not think of a thing to say. She let the mean girls take her lunch and one demanded her money every day. She suffered in silence and knew something was different with her and that she had delayed reactions as well as delayed development as a child. Her friends began their periods at age 10 and 11 but Candy was 13. She remained pencil then through high school and did not develop curves until after the birth of her first child at 23. This is why in 1966 at age 8 she was ashamed and embarrassed at what she allowed to happen and had no one to tell.

Candy’s mom never spent time with her or developed any type of close relationship with her daughter. Candy's grandparents were strict disciplinarians. Most of the child’s time was spent playing with her toys, reading books or expressing love to her dog and many cats. This is why she climbed into Willy’s bed shaking like a leaf and wondering why her mother put her in this horrible situation yet again. Their mom said goodnight and cut off the light and Candy wanted to ask to please be put in the bed with Dana. She didn’t care if she got peed on. Instead she braced herself and minutes later it began. She felt alone and empty like a gravestone with no name on it. She wished she were invisible and could disappear.

She had her back to Willy who scooted up behind her and began rubbing his body against her back side. She tried to pull away but he held her with one hand. She asked him to stop, elbowed him in the stomach and he got the message and rolled away. Thankfully she did not spend the night with her mother often but Candy ponders why she could not have been more acertive and kicked her younger brother where it hurt. What prevented her from telling him very emphatically that If he tried it again she would tell their mom.

Why, she still wonders today did her mother not notice her pain and pick up on her awkwardness? Why did her mom not know that she should not sleep in the bed with her brother? Mothers had to know what some little boys tried to do to their sisters, didn’t they? . Her mom could not have been that naive or could she? Where she wondered did her brother learn such things at such an early age? Had he been peaking in at her mom and stepdad or was it just natural curiosity? Actress Monique admitted that her first sexual experience was with her brother Steve as if this sort of thing were normal. Candy had never had such feelings toward either of her brothers and was thankful that her sibling did no more than touch and rub against her. She believes this is a must st abnormal situation.

Candy still wonders why her mother did not know the possibilities of having her sleep with her brother. Is it possible she did not know? Candy watched her own children closely and thankfully never saw any hint of anything inappropriate. This validated her thinking that not all boys tried to molest their sisters. Even so, she has to wonder if anything would have happened if her mom had not had her sleep in the same bed with her brother.

By the way this is a true story dedicated to all the silent sufferers.