Mommy, I Don’t Want You to Go

Chandler:

We danced in the living room to my two favorite songs; ”Old Town Road and The Git Up.”

We blessed our food after you helped me wash my hands.

I smiled and I hugged you while I ate.

We watched Paw Patrol and Blaze.

We played in the floor with playdough and toy cars.

You surprised me with my favorite brownies that you make.

We took selfies together.

You let me sit in your lap and hold Xena the pet rabbit that I adore and wouldn’t give up.

Eight hours on our Saturday seems to fly by so fast but I love it so much with you.

We went outside to feed the Quacks Quacks, as I call them with the pond that’s on the property. They loved the bread and I laughed when they splashed water on us.

I got to pull grass up with my tiny fingers and help papaw feed the goats. The goats were so delighted to get their bellies full.

I was smiling and jumping and down with excitement to pull the grass up to feed them.

We stopped at a store before we got home and you let me have a paw patrol Easter egg with candy inside. You said I couldn’t open until after I ate. I came to you and said, “Open” with excitement.

We have the best days. So many laughs and smiles. You said it’s time to go back to daddy’s and I kept kicking my shoes off because I didn’t want to go. I love when you hold me and kiss me mom. We loaded up the truck and shortly after I fell asleep. We finally made it to daddy but you woke me up with your soft voice. You held me telling me how much you loved me. Then gave me to papaw to reach to daddy.

You arrived at the car as I was waking up to give me more kisses and I began to cry and you asked, “What’s wrong baby?” That is when I kept pulling at you to get me out of daddy’s car seat for you to hold me longer. I wanted you mom.

Mom:

I kissed you while you cried and wrapped my arms around you and said, “My sweet baby, I know this is hard but you have to go back with daddy. You’ll see mommy in another week. I love you so much.” I know being only three you don’t understand the time and for us both it feels like an eternity being apart. My heart was shattered to see you like that.

Child custody battles are hard when the other party doesn’t want to work with you. Don’t make the child suffer. Children deserves equal love from both parents. I get only eight hours every Saturday and I’m shut out of his life which is a court violation but my health is more important than being dragged to court and debilitating me further. I’m doing everything possible for my blue eyed baby to be a healthy mom like he needs. Trying to stabilize my seizures.

Don’t jude things you don’t know. Enjoy your children. Soak in the moments, kiss them and hold them. Don’t take it for granted. We have been separated for one year now. I treasure our first year together. I soak in every moment. I never know what will change or what time will bring us. He’s my blonde haired, blue eyed baby that I’ve wrote many pieces about. When he turned three, he loved blowing out his candles and loves when it’s someone’s birthday. He thinks it’s his turn to blow the candles out all over again. I decided my birthday this June will be his birthday instead. That it will be his day and blow out all the candles. His birthday is in January and mine is in summer. So, a summer party will be more fun for him. I haven’t stopped taking pictures or recording it all. The love I have for him will always be self-less. I can’t wait for us to have more time.

Mommy please don’t go. I just want you.

Your, Chandler.