Miscellany about the family of origin

Family of origin is a term that we have become more familiar with in the last two years. Family of origin is the family where one was born and raised, the family where one was before one had a family, and the place where one lived and grew up with one's parents and siblings.

Understanding our family of origin can explain a lot of things to us.

For example, why did you develop your current personality and habits?

What factors influence the way you get along with others?

What kind of love partner and marriage partner would you find?

Why do you always feel lonely, insecure, angry, etc.?

Understanding our family of origin can give us a comprehensive understanding of ourselves, and only after we know the "why" can we know the "what to do". The way to solve problems is to face them, not run away from them.

How many people hate their parents? How many people choose to stay away from their families after they have become financially independent?

Owen Aron said something to the effect that to reconcile with your family of origin, you need to go home more often. This will allow you to see more clearly where your conflicts and confusion lie.

It does sound pretty scary, doesn't it? But it is one of the ways to be able to solve the problem. Change always involves pain, and only after the pain can you grow.

No matter what age you are, you will always be a child in the eyes of your parents. When you are still young, exclude all inducements to urge you to study well; when you become an adult, try all sorts of ways to let you quickly start a family; when you get married is a variety of advice to let you hurry to have children. I thought it would be better after having children, but then there are all kinds of interference in your life, including how to get along with your husband/wife, how to cope with your in-laws, how to educate your children, and so on.

Parents need to be present in your life all the time. Of course, some parents are smart enough to grasp the extent of this, while others are not aware of the impact they are having on their children's lives.

In recent years, there have been numerous cases of families of origin, but of course, these are the exceptions and extremes, and the parents' desire to control them is overwhelming. Most people's families are somewhere in the middle, not much better and not much worse, and very few are better.

Nowadays, it is women who feel most disturbed within the new families. This new family is a small family formed after marriage. Most of our young couples after marriage still live with in-laws, good conditions will live separately, and a very small number of families even have younger brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters-in-law living together. This will invariably increase many conflicts.

Living with in-laws, the new family can live well or depends on the role played by the husband, whether the husband can distinguish between "wife is married to me" and "wife is married to the family" the difference between the two. Many men think that if they marry into our family, they should abide by our family rules, even if their own big and small things are subservient to their parents, which is completely a giant baby-like existence.

I have mentioned in many of my articles the importance of the independence of thought for men in the family. Independence of mind and personality does not mean that you should abandon your parents, but you should have your independently thinking mind, you should first and foremost make some efforts and pay for your new family because this is your home. And the family of origin is the home of your parents.

In the new family, there should be a common thought and vision between you and your husband, the new family is like a new life, you two need to work together to manage and guard, once there are external forces join in, then it will become complicated, conflicts increase. I'm not encouraging that everyone should live separately from their parents, after all, many people's conditions do not allow it. But what you need to learn is to live together while being able to distinguish between your world as your own and your parents' world as theirs. It is a hurricane of two minds that need to be separated.

Very often, the male is not speaking on his own, but on behalf of the male parent; and the female is not speaking on her own but behalf of her mother's family. In this way, can there be no conflict? Men need to learn how to run their own little families, to find the soul of their own little family, without the provocation and interference of their parents; women likewise need to learn how to run their own little families, without the interference of their maiden parents.

Some people are trapped by their parents interfering with them too much and tying them down too much, while others are unable to enjoy their parents' love and care, so much so that they spend the rest of their lives looking for the feeling of being cared for.

Always like to rely on the people around them; always careful to maintain the relationships around them, afraid of being alone; always want to get encouragement and praise from others; always looking for their security through their romantic partners, partners, and so on. These are all traumas left behind by one's family of origin.

Most of the relationship problems are unresolved knots in the family of origin, whether it is interpersonal relationships, couple relationships, or parent-child relationships, all of them can be found in the family of origin. Understanding it is only to find solutions, not to create resentment.