Marriage is deeply rooted in the truth: on the one hand, they dislike each other, and on the other hand, they never give up.

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Some people say: "No matter who you marry, you will think that the other person is the wrong person, so it is the same who you marry."

At first, I didn't think so.

Until, a few days ago, I had dinner with friends.

When a friend said that her husband was fond of losing things and often had to stop what she was doing, sending him documents and wasting his precious time, she thought she would bring some grievances and complaints, as most married people do.

But I don't want her to say it in a sweet tone of disgust.

At that time, I suddenly realized that the reason to marry anyone is the same, only because of how you view each other's shortcomings.

Those couples who are happily married do not only see each other's strengths, but still love each other deeply after knowing that each other is not perfect.

Just like Roman. What Roland said:

"there is only one kind of heroism in life, and that is to know the truth of life and still love it."

Marriage is a process of gradually giving up illusions.

Psychologists once said: "each of us subconsciously has a guide to find our ideal partner."

It is true that before we enter the marriage hall, we all have beautiful illusions about our partner more or less.

But when I entered the marriage hall, I found that there was a slight gap between each other and what I thought.

At that time, graceful and graceful actresses fell in love with male writers who dominated the literary world at first sight.

In the eyes of the writer, the wife is a splendid and amazing existence.

Similarly, for an actress, her husband is not only a talented person, but also an idol he has admired for many years.

They entered the marriage hall with a beautiful vision for each other.

But after marriage, when the husband inadvertently caught a glimpse of his wife's red face and ferocious expression because of constipation, the beautiful moment in his mind was shattered, suddenly surprised to realize that the so-called fairy is only a layman.

From the wife's point of view, the gentle genius before marriage was nothing but an ordinary man with a bad temper.

He will be furious with himself because he likes to walk around the house barefoot.

He will laugh at his lack of common sense because he doesn't know how to cook and thaw the ribs before making soup.

At this time, the husband and wife realized that the marriage was not as perfect as they had imagined.

In his book the meaning of Marriage, Timothy Keller once said:

"even if we found the right person, it won't be long before each other will change. Because marriage is a major event in life: if we go in together, we will no longer be the same person. "

Yes, it is.

In fact, the so-called other party has changed, but after marriage, in front of firewood, rice, salt, soy sauce and vinegar tea, both sides have taken off their masks and camouflage, as well as their defenses, thus revealing their most authentic side.

On this side, it may make a great difference in our hearts.

But it also makes us realize that marriage is always a process of gradually giving up illusions about each other.

Marriage is a heartbreaking truth:

On the one hand, they dislike each other; on the other hand, they never give up.

Some people say: "No one's marriage is perfect, and most couples who have worked together for decades have the idea of strangling each other hundreds of times."

I fully agree with this.

In the TV series Pi, Lin Dawei and his wife are a typical example.

After more than ten years of marriage, they often dislike each other because of their daily chores.

Wang Shengnan is extremely disgusted that Lin Dawei likes to chirp when he eats. After getting up, he never makes a quilt, farts in the quilt, squeezes toothpaste from the middle, never raises the toilet seat when going to the toilet, doesn't change his socks underwear for a few days, and likes to cut his nails on the sofa.

And Lin Dawei also dislikes Wang Shengnan, who is competitive and has a big temper. He will chatter endlessly when he encounters a trifle.

But when Wang Shengnan's sister, Wang Dingnan, divorced, she suddenly suffered from genetic mental illness and lost her ability to take care of herself. The burden of the family not only fell on Wang Shengnan, but she was also faced with mental illness that could break out at any time.

After some reflection, in order not to drag down Lin Dawei, Wang Shengnan took the initiative to apply for divorce.

Lin Dawei, who had long been full of dislike of Wang Shengnan, would take this opportunity to agree to divorce without hesitation.

It never occurred to him that instead of agreeing to a divorce, Lin Dawei made some moving words:

"if you want to get a divorce, there is no way. I have never thought of a divorce. I know that you never regard me as a relative, but I am not unkind and unrighteous. Even after so many years, without love, the children are so big, and the consumption has become a family affection, right?"

In the end, not only did the marriage fail to divorce, 46-year-old Wang Shengnan was also pregnant with a second child.

In the Story of the Stone, there is a heart-wrenching classic saying:

"those who only care about falling in love break up at last, and those who live in partnership are finally reunited."

Yeah.

In real life, there are many couples like Lin Dawei and Wang Shengnan, even if the passions of the past have gradually passed away in the daily trivialities, they are replaced by dislike of each other, but they never leave each other even if they dislike each other again.

As it says in "A sigh":

"I'm holding your hand, just like the left hand holding the right hand. It feels like it's gone, but it's hard to separate."

On the contrary, it is those couples who yearn for marriage to be passionate forever, only to be defeated by daily trivialities.

Therefore, the most gripping truth of marriage is to dislike each other and never give up on the other.

A good marriage

It is in disgust with love.

Writer Barbara Angelis once said: "Marriage is an act, it is a choice you make after constant thinking, and it shows how you treat your lover every day."

You have what kind of marriage you choose to think of each other's shortcomings.

I have seen such a conversation.

A young man asked an old man who had been with his wife for years, "does your wife have any shortcomings?"

The old man replied, "as many as the stars."

The man continued to ask, "does your wife have any advantages?"

The old man replied, "less, as little as the sun."

Puzzled, the young man continued to ask, "if that's the case, why do you still love her so much?"

The old man smiled happily and said, "because as soon as the sun comes out, all the stars disappear."

Someone asked, "what kind of marriage can be called a good marriage?"

In my opinion, a good marriage is to see the worst of you and break all my beautiful fantasies about you, even all my beautiful illusions about marriage.

But I still cherish the bad side of you, and I won't lose interest in you because of your bad side.

As Vladimir Nabokov said in Lolita: "she can fade, she can wither, she can do anything, but as long as I look at her, all kinds of tenderness will come to me."

In other words, a good marriage is in disgust, with love.

Sanmao once said: "True love is not nervous, that is, you can burp, fart, pick your ears and have a runny nose in front of him."

As you get older, you become more and more aware that a good marriage is not trying to keep the best appearance in front of your partner, nor is you fantasizing about each other's beauty.

But can be unscrupulous in front of each other to be the most authentic themselves, can calmly accept the worst side of each other.

Light up [looking], may every couple, after seeing through all the shortcomings of each oth