Children who are "sensible" and "ignorant" when they are young will live two lives 20 years later (parents should see it)

I went to my cousin's house a few days ago and witnessed the "difficulty" of my little nephew.

Because of the guest at home, his mother asked him to turn off the online class and come to help.

Put out slippers, go to the kitchen to cut fruit, and be responsible for playing with the guest's children.

The guest's child was more than 2 years old and had a lot of fun. In a twinkling of an eye, he broke his hard-fought Lego model all over the floor.

His mother comforted him and said, "it's all right, just spell it again". He had no choice but to let the other party jump around on his bed.

When the guests left, they did not forget to praise that my cousin had an obedient and sensible child with the demeanor of a big brother.

But I can clearly see the little nephew's grievance and helplessness.

Is it really good to be "sensible" who can't protest or even have to accept it?

I don't think so at all.

How bitter is the adorable "sensible child"?

Think of the "super parenting teacher" that little girl.

Three years ago, in order to receive a better cultural education, she went to her aunt's house in a big city with her grandmother.

Because she left her parents and had just entered primary school, she had more "cleverness" that her peers did not have.

Grandma wronged her and scolded her for giving scissors to her cousin.

In fact, she took the scissors to give her cousin paper-cut, but in order to avoid conflict, she chose to endure it silently without any excuse.

Her 3-year-old cousin did the same, punching and kicking her. She ran away with a smile and never fought back.

When she saw her uncle coming home from work, she greeted her and offered to be nice. Even if she was ignored by the other person, she just smiled.

When it was time for dinner, everyone else sat at the table waiting for dinner, and she was the only one who was busy, laying chopsticks and adding meals.

On the phone with her father, she reported the good news but not the bad news. It seemed that everything that happened in her aunt's house had nothing to do with her.

Seeing her so sensible and desperately likable, the observer Lan Hai was extremely distressed:

"(small) she abides by her behavior and controls her emotions every day, because only when everyone is satisfied can she stay in this home."

In other words, she is using her own "sensibility" in exchange for the recognition and acceptance of others.

Whether she is happy or not, no one cares, only others take it for granted.

Indeed, in the traditional concept, obedience and cleverness is the standard of "good boy", which is liked and respected.

But the children who are always asked to be sensible, how many people understand and understand their pain and despair

A mother turned to a senior psychologist and asked: my daughter is so sensible, cheerful and sunny, why is she depressed?

After in-depth communication with the girl, the psychologist learned:

The girl knew that her mother's life was not easy, so she forced herself to be a good boy:

Study hard and win the favor of your mother with 100 points

Her mother was angry with her, and she took the initiative to comfort her.

When you encounter difficulties, don't say hold them in your heart.

All the repression and camouflage, accumulated to a limit, finally crushed her nerves and destroyed her reason.

It is not a good sign for a child not to cry or make a scene.

The more sensible he is, the less chance he has to be himself, and the more he lives, the more desperate he is.

90% of children wish they were not so "sensible".

Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: "good children tend to have two consequences: the postponement of rebellion and the lack of vitality."

July in the movie July and Anson is such a girl.

Ever since I was a child, I was obedient to my parents' arrangements for everything.

When she volunteered for the college entrance examination, she liked literature, but her parents persuaded her to change to economics on the grounds that it would be easy to find a job in the future.

Obviously want to go abroad to see the outside world, but her parents think that a good girl should not marry far away, nor should she travel far away, so she gives up.

Until I met Ansheng, I saw the freedom behind Anson's rebellious personality.

I finally realized that my future should not be "marrying my boyfriend at 26, having a baby at 27, and buying a house at 30."

So on the eve of the wedding, she boldly decided that if she wanted her fiance to run away from the marriage, she could also "defect".

It took her nearly thirty years to try what she dared not do before.

It's just that everything in the eyes of her parents has become her capricious and crazy accusation, but she doesn't realize that this is just a late middle-aged rebellion.

Ma Sichun, who played the role in July, commented like this:

"the more children are imprisoned for too long when they are young, the more they need to be released when they grow up, and it is especially easy for them to be presumptuous."

I think so.

"sensible" is a correct way of life that adults provide to children.

When children are asked to be "sensible", they are often interspersed with their parents' deep anxiety and fear.

Worrying that children are not well-behaved and doing things differently from adults' expectations will embarrass themselves and make outsiders think that they do not understand education.

But in fact, how many experienced people like July really want to live in the label given by their parents all the time.

They have their own independent will, the things they want to do, and the happy life of their dreams.

If they can, they would rather be as "wild" as Anson, do whatever they want, and be free.

Rather than being "obedient", they are more eager to be understood and loved unconditionally when they are less "sensible".

Allowing children to be "ignorant" is the highest education.

I really felt magical when I saw a piece of news recently.

Jia, a man in his 30s, had a dispute between father and son after his father beat and scolded his pet dog.

During the quarrel, his father in his twenties picked up his belt and hit him hard on the neck and back with a hard belt buckle, mercilessly.

But Jia never fought back, but smashed himself with a glass water cup and an ashtray, and finally died.

The comment area is full of miracles:

"the father is 61 years old, and he has to interfere with the pets kept by 30 + children. this father is terrible."

"how old is a man who is beaten like a child by his father?"

"what a foolish filial piety! he dared not fight back and had no choice but to hurt himself."

Indeed, there are too many tragedies like this, which undoubtedly sound the alarm for parents and send out soul torture:

What kind of education can make children live freely, healthily and happily?

The only thing is not to use "sensible" to regulate him, but to allow him to have his own ideas, personality and plans.

1. Respect what the child wants to say and express.

Olympic champion Sui Wenjing talked about her parents' respect and support in an interview.

When she was a child, the conditions at home were not very good, but she dared to say that she wanted to learn this and that in front of the whole family.

Instead of blaming her for being ignorant or not thinking about the situation at home, her parents encouraged her to accept everything in life enthusiastically.

So when she chose to take the road of figure skating, she felt at ease.

Even with many challenges and difficulties, she can firmly take responsibility for herself and enjoy every moment of dancing on the ice rink.

Good education is parents' efforts to create an ideal and inclusive environment for their children to express themselves.

Let him become himself, far better than the person his parents want him to be.

2. Accept the child's most authentic personality and not label it easily.

When I read "slow raise", I admired the way Hei Youlong and h