Marriage and Family Counseling (Will Marriage Counseling Save My Marriage)

Every single day thousands of unhappy couples seek the services of a professional marriage counselor at the rate of $100 or more per hour in the hopes of saving their marriage. That statistic indicates that saving a marriage is pretty important to a lot of couples. But does marriage counseling work at saving a marriage or is it $100 per hour down the drain?

Here are the statistics: 90% of couples that sought the services of a professional marriage counselor ended up getting divorced. So I guess the answer to 'does marriage counseling work at saving a marriage' is yes (10% of the time, a bookie will give you better odds than that)

What's important to take note of however is not whether or not marriage counseling works or doesn't work at saving a marriage it's why it doesn't work when it doesn't work and why it does work when it does work. there were two huge obstacles that stand in the way of marriage counseling being effective.

The first obstacle is a marriage counselor is a complete stranger. Your marriage is a culmination of however many years you've been married times 365 days in a year. That's a lot of history to sort out with somebody who is a complete stranger. To further complicate the situation the only information that the counselor gets about your marriage is the information you and your spouse provide a marriage counselor. How is it an average couple is qualified to know what information is important to provide the counselor and which information is best left out, or should nothing be left out?

The second obstacle, the marriage counselor being a complete stranger, in order for the marriage counselor to have a chance at providing effective solutions you are required to provide the marriage counselor with the most intricate and intimate details of your life and marriage. I don't know of too many people who would feel totally comfortable telling a complete stranger every single detail without leaving some things out of fear of embarrassment or a sense of privacy.

It is those two previously mentioned obstacles is the reason marriage counseling does not work 90% of the time. And one last complication which I have almost forgotten to mention on top of the first to obstacles is the variable of how qualified the counselor is and how much the counselor really cares at helping you. As I am writing this article I am scratching my head actually surprised that it's only 90% of couples that sought marriage counseling end up divorced!

The one solution to marriage difficulties that could potentially be extremely effective is self marriage counseling where the two people in the marriage counselor marriage themselves. The first and second obstacle are completely removed the one flaw in that plan is the third obstacle is glaring and gigantic.

Saving Your Marriage - 4 Things That You Could Be Doing Wrong

If this title has caught your eye, then perhaps you're in the midst of saving your marriage. Who knows? You might also have tried doing many things to save your marriage but they didn't work for you.

The truth is, it takes more than just doing the right things to make your marriage work. It's also avoiding the bad so that your spouse does not drift away from you. Below are 4 things you could be doing wrong to save your marriage. See if you're guilty of any of them.

Using Guilt on Your Spouse

The first step to saving your marriage is to stop using guilt on your spouse. Though it's commonly used, it never works because using guilt is emotional blackmail.

A good example is threatening to commit suicide if you two divorce and saying to your spouse that he/she will regret it for the rest of his/her life. Or what about saying that the kids will grow up dysfunctional because their father/mother walked out on them? Either way, using guilt encourages divorce because you seem like a lunatic who's problematic to live with.

Pressurizing Your Spouse

The most common form of pressurizing your spouse is by begging him/her not to leave you. So if you're already thinking about going down on your knees and wailing to beg your spouse, don't. Begging is also emotional blackmail and doesn't help you in saving your marriage.

Another form of pressure would be forcing your spouse to go for marriage counselling with you. Though counselling is important, you can always use logical reasoning like saying "Darling, we've invested our entire lives in each other. Isn't our sacrifice for one another worth a few hours of counselling to save our marriage?" That will definitely be more effective when compared to emotional blackmailing.

Saying Sorry to Your Spouse All The Time

Yes, and I do mean all the time, even when it's not your fault.

Don't get me wrong here. Apologizing for mistakes you made is alright, but the problem I'm addressing here is when you start apologizing for things you didn't even do.

That makes you look really desperate, which is not attractive. Most of all, it doesn't help you in saving your marriage.

Instead, accept your responsibility for 50% of your marriage problems and acknowledge that you have some issues you need to work out together with your spouse. A marriage takes two hands to clap, so don't take more than your fair share of the blame.

Waiting and Hoping That Things Will Turn Out Well

This is probably the biggest mistake you can make to salvage your marriage. Fortunately, it's also the easiest to solve.

It's human nature to just "wait and see", and hope things will turn out well. But that never works and don't think for one second it'll help to save your marriage.

Marital problems don't solve on their own, so you need to take concrete action right now and apply what you have learnt in this article.

Remember, saving your marriage takes more than just doing the right things. It's also not doing the wrong things. Start by not using guilt and pressurizing your spouse, and don't keep apologizing in the hopes of getting your spouse closer to you. Finally, take massive action. These tips alone will go a long way in saving your marriage.

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