Mama Is At The End Of Her Rope

This mama is at figuratively at the end of her rope.

You got to love the fact that I'm on a zipline in the photo I chose as my profile picture. The irony.

If you knew me in person, you'd know I can be a little dramatic when it seems like all things are going wrong all at the same time. I tend to take one or two things going wrong and make the mountain out of the mole hill and completely jump off the cliff with all the things that will now go wrong. I will go ahead and admit, I blame my father, who is the worrier of all worriers and who has put all the worse case scenarios in my head since I was able to understand the things he said.

He's still alive and well, but he's given us a few scares along the way. We won't even go into the worries for his health right now, because of course he's got this cough that won't go away. Before anyone says it, it's NOT COVID! But this post isn't about him.

No this post is about the mom who feels at a total loss at this time of year because thank heavens school is ending this week.

Oh I've gone through the gamit of emotions. My baby girl (my oldest) is a senior next school year. I've already wrote the obligatory poem that I'm going to put in her yearbook next year at this time. She's already asked me not to embarrass her... I mean, it's completely normal to not be able to go through her baby pictures and know that soon I'll have to pick which ones will go on that senior page (yes I'm going to buy her a whole page). It's completely normal to cry like I've lost her already to a four year university (I'm still crossing my fingers that this is the route she will truly pick). I've already cried like she's going to not be in my house anymore after this next year so we have to try to squeeze fun moments in every chance we get. (Literally took her and her brother for a quick weekend trip to Busch Gardens a few weeks ago even though half the park was still closed. I don't recommend.)

With my 8 year old, we've gone through the worries of his first EOG testing. He didn't do well on the beginning of the year testing, but tested for AIG this same year and was placed into an AIG class. Go figure.

So I guess I'm ultimately just frustrated that throughout the year, these grades don't count as much it seems as this final grade. The effort that is put behind trying to figure out how to schedule all these students who have been online only all year to have to meet in person for this test has been a little mind blowing. So thankful that we have a school system who has rocked this online schooling, but the testing in person requirement is something that our legislature, school boards, etc need to do some research into to see if there are other alternatives in the future.

My daughter has never done well with end of year testing. One year she had the opportunity to take a class after the school year, and then retake the tests. It improved her scores dramatically, but we couldn't help but wonder too if it was just the fact that the testing environment was different the second time around. The only reason she passed her driver's test was because the second time we took her, the computers were down so they handed her a paper and pencil test and she didn't have that timer counting down in the corner of the screen. And yes, I've told her time and again that that timer isn't meant for someone like her and to ignore it. It does no good.

I'm trying to figure out if baby boy's problem is the same as his sister or something different. Hopefully the BOG (Beginning of Grade) testing was a fluke and he does great and doesn't have testing anxiety and issues. We worked on some sample questions this weekend to help him become more familiar and confident. There was an assignment for class he had to work on this past week, and it really showed me that sometimes he just truly isn't understanding the question that is being presented. I'm hoping this isn't an issue on the final testing, but it's on my radar.

I'll give you an example of him not understanding the question being asked. When baby boy was asked how a peanut butter and jelly sandwich can be traced back to the plant origins, my child goes completely out of the box to ask me if they are asking him to tell them to get into a time machine to see the process of how these things are made...

You see, he is extremely smart. These end of grade tests won't tell you that. They won't show you the work he's done to figure out how to do basic coding in minecraft.

BTW, yes mama. When your child is looking up how to have a million cats transport to a certain area in his world, or how to make the weather change to hatch an egg in his modded world, he's doing the very basic part of coding. I didn't realize it until I found an online game showing kids the basics of coding and figured out that is similarly how they introduce coding and then get into how the different letters and symbols mean the same as certain actions.

So back to our PB and J delimma. My child isn't the one who realizes the question just wanted him to show understanding of the bread being wheat, and the jam being a fruit and the peanut butter coming from a peanut from a plant. No, my child went full science fiction on the situation and thought you needed to be able to see it for yourself and so the only way to truly show the origin of that PB and J would be to hop into a time machine to see the process from the beginning of the time of that sandwich.

You talk about someone being able to believe in the possibilities of science to come up with a cure for cancer. Our children have that belief. They believe in the endless possibilities that our world holds.

Somewhere along the way from that 3rd grade mind to the mind of my high schooler, they lose that magic. I'm not the only one to say so. There's been studies and many famous quotes on similar situations. My high schooler was convinced she wasn't smart because of all these tests not giving positive results. It's took some hard work this year and some hard choices to show her if she puts in the work and focuses, she's just as smart as her brainiac younger brother, even if the final tests don't show that evidence.

So, on the one hand, I want my child to do well on these EOGs. On the other hand, I'm just tired of hearing him worry and I'm ready for both individuals to be done with testing and us to be able to move on. I have no doubts they will both make the grade, so to speak, but I'm ready for it to be OVER.

I'm completely in that group of folks who think the fact that the children are being asked to take EOG's this year is a great disservice. They are resilient though and I know that some things are just required and that the statistics from these testing can be used for far and greater things.

But this mama is tired. Tired of figuring out whether I made the right decision at the beginning of the year to enroll both son and daughter in the virtual only school option. Tired of wondering about the decision made to let the high schooler go back to her home school because she was NOT doing good virtual only. Tired of worrying about masks, and having beat myself up because I forgot to put money on the high schooler's lunch account when she went back to inperson school.

Just tired.

God bless the teachers, school administrators, students, and parents that have made this year work. Oh, let's not forget all the learning coaches who weren't parents. I may have filled out the paperwork to be my childrens' learning coach this year, but their grandparents (both sets) and an aunt have really helped to make it truly work. I'm thankful for my "village" to help my children. I know I'm not the only one.

So thankful this year is over after this week! Just a few more days...