As we know all to well, there are days where no amount of positive thoughts would get you through. These are the days where my mum would sit me down and tell me about her journey to where she is now. I would listen with great interest even forgetting we left the kettle on.
My mum was born in Bangladesh many many moons ago, 52 to be exact. She was born to my headstrong grandad and my much more reserved grandma. It was a big celebration as she was the first child from my grandfathers family. They adored her. For her early years she was happy, she was loved and cared for. Whatever she wanted at her feet. Yet there came a time where she would no longer want anything other than the love of her mother.
A few years after she was born my grandparent's marriage began to cause a stir. Those around them who had ill wishes, stepped in between them and constantly brought up misconceptions. One day my great grandmother instructed her son to divorce his wife. She wanted her to be more of a maid in the house and not a wife or mother to her family. Eventually the elders successfully drove my parents apart and my grandpa let her go, regrettably even on his deathbed decades later.
My grandma now living back with her family took my mum with her whilst also being pregnant with my beloved aunt at the time. This was a very confusing time for my mother, understandably. As mum played out in the courtyard at my grandmas home, one of the cruel uncles on her fathers side came to take her back. My mum and grandma cried and screamed for each other as they were torn away from one another. The only words my grandma received were “you have another one coming let this one be ours.”
My grandma fell to the floor trying her best to keep my mum with her with no one to help her.
My mum was then raised by her fathers family whilst her father came to London and started his new family. The family would show her false love and build her into their pillar of support as it was my grandfather alone who funded their lives. But they did not want to educate my mother. They wanted her to be feeble and weak. This led to the beginning of mother’s very difficult life. So my mother was somewhat illiterate apart from knowing how to read and write she was quiet and didn’t know how the world works. She kept herself to herself, always yearning for her mother, who by then had lost her second child to infant death.
My mother was then married off to my father who lovely man, but whose family at the time were not great towards my mum. They treated her as though she was their maid, behaviour she had now become accustomed to. She did everything for them and to this day she never lets her children talk bad on anyone that’s put her in harms way. She was quiet during her first years of marriage. When she came to this country she was warned about the way of life here in order to keep her at bay. For several years she was remained quiet. Even with my autistic brother as her firstborn, being forced to leave me in Bangladesh which broke her heart as they said it wasn’t possible for her I take me along. It wasn’t long before my dad and I eventually came to London. She faced further cruelty from her in-laws whilst being alone in a foreign country, along with my brothers.
When my dad and I came though, a few things calmed down. The fights, the arguing came to a halt as the individual who caused my mum pain now was ashamed to do so infront of my dad. We eventually moved out facing new issues every day especially with my brother being autistic.
5 children and not knowing how to live in this strange land my mother was worried but she got by. She always put our needs above her own. To this day she always tells others it was only when her children grew up when she got true happiness as we always put her first before anyone else. We give her as much as we can and more. We never see a price when spending on her and never will. She deserves the world and more. She inspires me to become the better version of myself.
She has always told me to hold my head up high and never care about what others say as they will talk regardless. She always pushes us to pursue whatever made us happy as long as it ensured a better future for us.
Whenever we discuss our journey to where we are now my youngest brother always reminds us all of our mother’s struggles. In his words
‘Mum went through a brutal ordeal when she migrated to England, which came from her in laws, not to mention whilst raising an autistic child in a foreign environment she knew nothing about.’ Whilst pondering over the milestones she has overcome we constantly aim to give her anything and everything her heart desires, even if that isn’t much but our happiness.
She’s not having a great time as of late due to her health and even then I see small moments of when she truly laughs and it’s down to her children. Nothing but the happiness and success of her children make her the happiest. We continue to be amazed of how much she has overcome and how she still has the courage to stand up tall and be brave enough to take each day as it comes with a smile.
Love you mum.