Losing my father

hello, this past year has been one of the hardest things I’ve been through ever. On May 2 I lost my father, due to his excessive drinking. This started back in 2019 when he first started to get sick, he had no clue what was wrong, so we talked him into going to the hospital. He really did not like them or getting any kind of medical help at all. When we found out that he had some cirrhosis of the liver, and that if he stopped drinking, he would be fine we tried to talk dad into listening to the doctor, but he said, “I’ll just slow down and be fine.” My dad did really slow down in his mind deciding to cut out only beer, I would've rather him stop taking shots, but it was his decision I can't make it for him. When we went back to the doctors, they said his liver was looking much better, and that he would be much better. My dad was able to walk alt better and go father then when he was feeling sick. I thought everything was going to be good and I wouldn't have to worry anymore about him. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Now its 202o and we are going through a nation epidemic, my dad is working again but only side job gigs. I'm staying home while my work was closed. we got to spend a lot of time together laughing and watching wilderness tv shows. we would go visit my grandmother whenever we would feel like it. Around June my grandfather passed away from a blood clot in the brain. the whole family started to go visit with more often now that she was all alone. We would travel to where she lived every Sunday for like months until we talked her into moving closer to town. Looking back now I really loved that time together with him and wish I could do it now. the whole year he wasn't sick, but his legs would hurt at the end of his workday.

In September 2021, my dad started not feeling well again, he couldn't walk that much and would hurt him to move. His legs would swell and couldn't put his shoes on barely. He wouldn't go to the doctor until after my brother's wedding. The picture is when his stomach was filling with fluid that his body couldn't flush out by itself. We didn't know that yet, after the wedding passed, my mom finally talked my dad into going to the doctors, the doctor was the kindest man around I've ever met. He told my mom and dad that there wasn't much they could do that this point that the liver was failing, and we probably had about 20 to 52 weeks with him. The doctor prescribed some medications to help with the water retention around his body, scheduled the draining procedure for November. He said that it would just keep coming back and would probably need to do this again every month or so. This was around the time my brother was deploying out and would be gone for a few months. Dad was starting to go downhill very fast, completely stopped working and just stayed home in his chair watching mountain men.

In January 2022 I quit my job to stay home and watch over him. He had a stint in the hospital after being really sick with covid on top of it. The hospital put him on home health and didn't want him to be home alone at all because he could barely move. He lost all of his muscle mass in the span of a few months. The months went pretty fast after that and in April I could sense that it wasn't going to be much longer. It was a feeling like if I left the house i thought it was going to be the last time, I would see him. He stopped eating and would drink a lot but barely go to the bathroom and getting very sick. My sister came down in the middle of April to see him one last time which was amazing that she could do that. On April 29, my mom called hospice to see about getting help, they came over that day to see if he qualified for it. Within 15 minutes of them being here they said yes to hospice. When they took his blood pressure, I knew he had entered the active dying phases, and within 3 days he would die. That whole weekend me and my mom were on high alert. Monday May 2, he passed away in his sleep with family surrounding him. That day will never leave my mind, the feeling of watching someone die is very scarring on the soul. I think I am still in shock, very mixed emotions. Good days and bad days where i can barely get out of bed.

Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it and please leave a comment regarding your experience or how I can improve!