Losing a parent

You would think that because we have parents, no matter how many times they say that they would be in our lives and will always be with us. You would think that because they’re always around throughout your childhood, they were invincible and they wouldn’t die. I was one of those kids who thought parents would be with you forever physically until that one fateful night. It was like any other typical night : watching tv with a sibling. However my mom and step father were out the whole day so I was wondering when they were coming home so I went downstairs to look at the window to see if anything or anyone was outside. On the other side of that glass and the screen door was my mom, pacing slowly back and forth while my step father was on the side of the front door quietly until I opened the door to see what’s wrong. That’s when he puts his hand on my shoulder and said “I’m sorry, Rod.” Me, looking confused, was wondering what is he saying sorry to me for. So I walked further down the walkway to my mom and I could hear her sniffling as her hands were covering her mouth and nose. I asked her what was wrong and she said sorry to me as well so I’m even more confused as into why they’re both saying sorry to me as if they did something wrong. That’s when Mom told me that my father had passed away a couple days before I was supposed to be with him for the weekend during my second week as a freshman in high school. I couldn’t really grasp the concept what I just heard so I went back to the porch, sat down and looked at the ground. Then my little sister came outside and asked what was wrong. They broke the news to her and she started crying. This was around 10 o’clock at night on a Thursday night. We’re all outside, me still in shock, my mom and little sister are crying and my step father trying to comfort us. Our neighbors next door heard them crying so they came out and was wondering what was wrong and they told them what happened. My father’s girlfriend at the time, found him in bed but he wasn’t breathing and later found out that he died due to internal bleeding also my belief of parents being invincible. I haven’t shed any tears until after the funeral and seeing him for the last time. The next time I did shed tears was during an assignment in drama class where it had something to do with our parents I think and I didn’t want to participate. My fists were balled up and tears began to roll down my face and some of my classmates asked me what was wrong though I didn’t say anything until the teacher came over, noticed the tears on my face and asked what was wrong. I told her about my father and she told me to go see the counselor we had in school. I told her what happened and how I felt so then she told me that she’s putting a group together of those who lost a parent or both so we can cope with their passing. I was the only boy in the group and the rest were female but in different grades. It went on for about a year or so until the group was no more and I got better. I understood that thinking about my father so much would affect me as a person and around others so I continued life on a normal track. I do think about him every year he passed away and on his birthday. The next time I shed tears was when after Graduating high school And enlisting in the army. I finished basic training and was about to graduate from Ft.Lee, Virginia. Three accomplishments within 5 months but it wasn’t the same without him. After that, I haven’t been able to shed tears as I kept hearing about people close to me passing away. Hearing about them hurts but it made me numb to the point that I cant cry as easily.