Losing a Loved One

The death of a loved one is possibly the hardest thing a person will ever have to go through in their lifetime. There are so many books to assist you through your grieving. When a loved one dies you receive all kinds of advice from people offering words of encouragement to help you heal from your loss. The grieving process, or ten steps you will go through when left behind, I believe is different for everyone.

There are no words though, that can fill the permanent void in your heart. People care for you and try their best to help, but unless you've got some magic wand, there is nothing but time that will soften the blow of your loss.

I had never been to a funeral or even a memorial service for years. Then, as a young adult on the brink of being a teenager, my grandmother passed away and I got to experience it all at once. She was my favorite family member. When we moved away from her, I religiously wrote her letters. She, being the awesome woman she was, dutifully wrote me back every time.

She had the entire funeral already planned. All we had to do was follow her instructions. The viewing was an open casket and she looked pale, but just looked like she was in a deep sleep. I remember being told not to touch her, at the time I didn't understand why. I also remember falling asleep in the limo on the way to the cemetery where the casket would be lowered into the ground.

The butterfly on the corner of the canopy we were sitting under at the cemetery is still vivid in my memory. It was as if she, my grandmother, was the butterfly watching over the ceremony. My grandma had been in the service, so there was the 21-gun salute in her honor. Then the soldier handed me the flag that had been draped over her casket. It had been folded up into a neat triangle.

To know death exists and to experience it on a personal level, is like comparing salt to pepper, totally different. Perhaps I would have made it through the whole "healing process," if it wasn't for losing two more family members within two months of losing my grandma. It was a changing point in my life and that of my families.

Today though, I am not writing about the death you just read about, I am talking about losing a loved one in another way altogether. As I know from experience, there are other ways to lose a loved one besides death.

The first way, if not to death, is to the addiction of drugs and alcohol. Like with death, there are books and programs to help people get off their addictions. When it is a family member addicted, it is a harder thing to accept. If they are seriously trying the programs and clinics to stop their addiction, it can give you a sense of hope. When they don't seek help or stop their addiction cold turkey, it is like picking a scab that never heals.

You love them and want to help, but their addiction doesn't end with just harming their bodies or endangering themselves. If the addiction is bad, it will turn into stealing, even from family members. When stealing doesn't cover the cost of the next fix, they will find other ways. The other ways lead to you never knowing who will knock on your door demanding that you pay the debt owed, A very dangerous situation to have them put you in. And those instances don't always end well.

This leads to a tough choice that nobody ever wants to make. Do you sit and watch and wait for them to want to stop the drugs and drinking, or do you force them to leave your home and not return until they are clean. This is not a fair choice to be forced into making.

The other way you can lose a loved one is just as painful as death and that of addicts. It is when the influence of society, or the people they choose to surround themselves with, suck the very essence of life out of them. You stand by and watch helplessly, as if someone has tied your hands together, preventing you from saving them.

This loss of a loved one is just as painful as the previous two. Like that of an addict, you watch with them just out of reach, as their being transforms into an unrecognizable person. It is like watching a zombie movie, seeing this loved one transform into the walking dead. No more happiness in their eyes and no more love or laughter in their hearts.

Having experienced any of these ways of losing a loved one, let this serve as a reminder. Spend as much time possible with those you love. You never know what tomorrow brings.