Life puzzles

Growing up, I was always one of the weird kids, either through my clothing (as I used to improvise or to do my clothes), either through attitude. I ever dreamed of freedom, being independent and doing what I want without caring what people might say. Unfortunately, this got me into some trouble, nothing major but enough to make my life harder. My mum is the hero that took me as I was, even tho I pissed her off so many times.

But now, looking back, I see pieces of a puzzle forming an image. The weird ways that came naturally to me helped me develop myself in the person I am today, and I am so proud of what I've become. Just recently it made sense.

I come from a traditional and modest Romanian family. My mum being the anchor of the family, my father, the hope and my big brother, well the enemy :)). I would spend most of my holidays at my grandparents in the countryside, as I loved it there! I have this glimpse of a memory where I am with my whole family at my grandparents, probably barbecuing, where I say something around the lines of "I will bring the first coloured person into the family, you'll see. I'll bring some diversity in this family", obviously no one took me seriously.

Years passed, and I went to university. Typical student years when I look back at it, but still something stands out - my bachelor paper. The title is "The relations between EU and North Africa". I came across it again in the summer of 2016, right after I came back from my seven months trip to Africa. I couldn't believe it; it felt like I knew where life would take me, since then!

After I graduated from university, I left everything behind and moved to the UK. The first reason was working for one year, put some money aside so I can start my master studies. Well, this didn't go as planned as life had other plans for me. I soon realised just how hard life is, looking for all sort of jobs, always moving, being disappointed in me, in people, in employment. At that moment, I would have said that I lost myself in the unknown world, but now I suppose I was finding myself, my path, my future. And this is tough work.

I eventually found myself a steady job as a nanny. By this time I was around 23-24 yo, and I have this memory of a chit chat I had with my employer (the mum of the kids) in which I said that if I don't have my biologic child, I will most certainly adopt. She also didn't take me too seriously, saying that, this is also what she said, but things change when you find someone and build a life together. And most probably, I didn't take myself seriously as I was discovering how being independent was, how travelling with friends and being carefree felt. I wanted more of this.

Also, finding someone or expecting for someone to come and give meaning to my life isn't my kind of aspiration. I go with the flow; I try, I put my dreams and wishes first, I make a plan, and I prepare myself for it not to work :)) cause this is what defines me: how I manage with unexpected change, how I succeed (or not) and how that affects me.

I always liked observing people around me, their disappointments and regrets, so I decide not to build my life around the "how my life will be" ideal, but on the "how my life won't be" ideal. Somehow things became more precise, as the possibilities of incredible things adding to my life seemed vast while trying minimising the ones that I didn't want. Seemed logical to me. At that point, I realised I didn't want to count on other people for me to have a life, a family. That's when I decided I won't limit myself in any way: not to one place, not to one specific life/family expectation, not to a tradition, not to a religion, not to a workplace. All these realisations, decisions and stubbornness started shaping who I am today.

My way came with lots of risks and changes that I took. I gave up stable jobs more than once to do what I felt right and what others saw as me being careless. When the opportunity to travel to Africa arrived, I took it with a big silly grin on my face. It was supposed to be two months of volunteering. Instead, it ended being four months of volunteering and three months of travelling with only a backpack, in some of the most unexpected and beautiful places in East Africa. I had no idea, but I was not controlling my life anymore, my life was controlling me. Years later I realised that I don't think me being there was a choice of mine. My son was patiently waiting for me there; he was waiting for me to truly open my eyes and realise that I was on the right path but with the wrong vision.

With continuous changes, willingness and stubbornness I got to connect with some fantastic people that got my back whenever I needed them. My family finally understood and fully accepted my uncommon ways; I started finding better jobs where I would not only earn more but also learn more. Most importantly, this is how I got my heart stolen by this beautiful boy I call my son. My adoption process is ongoing, and I can't be happier to have you in my life, Karim. If anything, you are making my life better (also, more full of drama :))) ).

Now everything makes sense: my weird and untraditional ways, my rejection of any limited thinking, my early interest in the African continent, my wish to roam freely in the world, my willingness to give and my desire for a meaningful life. All of this prepared and brought me to you, and today we form a very uncommon family, and I love it!