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About adoption

Three questions I was mostly asked

By Corina G. PruteanPublished 4 years ago 6 min read
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Personally, I was always interested in adoption. Just to take it out of the way, it is not because I cannot have kids (at least I don't know yet) and also, WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH EVERYONE ASKING ME THIS? "Why don't you have your own kid?"- is the first question I am usually asked.

In my own opinion, adoption is not the last resort of having kids but just another way of making one's family bigger and one of the most selfless act to do. Also, this is not the only thing that should give value to a woman!

We are currently 7.2 billion people in this world, by 2050 we are expected to be 9.7 billion ( fact check here ). Did you ever wonder how many orphans? Well, I did for you: an estimated 153 million children worldwide are orphans - UNICEF.

"If orphans were a country of their own, the population would rank 9th in the world—ahead of Russia. How can this be? And why nobody is talking about it? Part of the answer lies in the definition of the word: orphan. When most people hear the word, orphan, they think of children with no parents. This is certainly true. However, children with no parents comprise only 17% of the total number (26 million). More precisely, these children are referred to as “double orphans.” They have lost both parents to any number of possible reasons: war, disease, poverty, natural disasters, abandonment, and accidents are among the leading causes. The vast majority of orphans (83%) are classified as “single orphans,” denoting children who have lost at least one parent." - The Hope Effect

The truth is, I never knew I'll be adopting so young, but I was always open to the idea of adoption. Never crossed my mind I will do it from Africa, Uganda even tho I always wanted to bring diversity into my family. This combined with my belief that if everyone will do the smallest selfless thing in their life that can't be ever repaid would make it a better world, made me decide easier. Plus, I already had fallen in love with my baby boy.

Now I actually realize I never had a choice, he is my family even from before I knew it.

Still, it does not mean I don't have all sort of fears. Even with our connection, the feeling of being a mum didn't come overnight and most of the times I am not sure I want to tell our story. I struggle in between respecting our privacy and shouting to the world that they could and should do more.

But if I can prove that a single, modest and young woman can do it, maybe I can change minds. The biggest walls I faced since starting this journey wasn't only legal or financial matters, but mostly mentalities. Even mine.

In the beginning, I chose not to tell anyone, not because I didn't want people to know but I just wanted first to do it. It is scientifically proven that if you have a plan and you just talk about it, the chances for you actually going through with it are smaller, I didn't even want to risk this, so I kept quiet. When I did break the news down, I was more surprised of my best friends not being surprised "I was actually expecting this. But so happy for you! Cheers!" was their answer; like "Seriously girls? I was actually expecting for some shock or something!", but I guess real friends do know you better than you think they do.

My family, however, showed a mixture of feelings. Obviously, the family expects you to grow, find a steady job, respectful partner and to end up getting married and make some kids "of your own" that I can take to church once in a while. What a dream, huh? Never my dream. They always knew that I am not the traditional one and that I always did things my own way, but, oh boy, they did hope! Was even harder for them when I broke the news that I am dropping all this stability and moving to Uganda for Karim because he is my son and I want to take him home. For them, it wasn't easy to digest but they did because they are kind and loving people. Now even my "closed minded" grandparents are waiting for their great-grandchild to come home!

Another question that I was asked a lot is "What about your partner?" as if I am doing a mistake or I disappoint him for not staying next to him and having his own baby. First of all, having a partner doesn't give you the right to decide what the other one should or shouldn't do as long as there are mutual love and respect; second, we both have our own view about what we do with our lives and we work on putting that together. The truth is that when I took the decision to be a mum I was single and a bit scared "As a single mum with a child, will I ever find someone?". Because who wants to end up alone? No one, not even me. But on I went, because first of all, I knew I will have Karim and my family and friends. I was already not alone. That made me smile. But as the Universe has it's own way, not long after, I found my loving partner, who knew from the beginning about my plan and supported me in any decision I made, because I truly believe we should help each other become our best versions of ourselves and not be condemned in a life of others traditional expectations.

A third question I was mostly asked is "In between paying the adoption process and taking care of his necessities, how will you manage?" - this actually is a fair question. I will break down the adoption fees when I will have an exact number, but I want to just focus on how possible it is when people act as if it's impossible. Whoever says it is impossible, hides its unwillingness behind this word, for him/her to feel better about themselves. Now, this does not mean I condemn people that don't do it, everyone has the right to choose, I do however believe would be a better world if more people would do it. I do condemn people who try to convince others why they should not do it only because they themselves live in a box.

Since the day I decide to become a mum I started preparing myself as I want to go through with it on my own. Worked longer harder days and I only had 1 day/week free. Had 2 different types of jobs and very little personal time. It is very important to trust yourself, to be able to find ways to make ends meet, to learn and to be aware of the worst case scenario. I took my inspiration from thousands of single mums, who had kids at a young age and made it! They are heroes.

Two years passed since I started on this path, saved (what I hope) enough money to go ahead with this journey and off I went to my boy. This time to take him home.

Wish me good luck!

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