Life as A New Mother

For as long as I can remember, I have always dreamed of being a mother to a child I could call my own. For a while, however, that was all I could honestly believe it was. A fantasy, a delusion, a pipe dream. The closest I ever came to having that was taking care of my two younger siblings growing up and a Child Development class my senior year of high school. It was a lost or misguided dream that I was never going to have the chance to actually live out.

Recently, however, my luck had changed. The dream I had once hoped for had finally become a reality for me. On July 5th 2021 at 10:35pm at my local hospital, I became a mother to a perfectly healthy and absolutely beautiful baby girl. My life was finally complete, and I had finally found my purpose. After all...a baby is born with a need to be loved -- and never outgrows it. Having a baby is a life changer. It gives you a whole other perspective on why you wake up everyday.

As a new parent, I am always apprehensive about my capability to take proper care of my daughter. There are over a million things I constantly worry about and just about as many questions that I am asking myself. Questions like: what do I do if my baby needs special care? Why is my baby crying? How do I cope with my baby crying? How often should I feed my baby? What kind of formula should I be using? Is it okay to hold my baby all the time? Am I holding her correctly? How do I tell if my baby is unhappy? Am I doing any of this right?

I am sure that there are plenty of other parents out there that are or have asked the very same questions or have found themselves in the very same situations I have found myself in with my daughter. Sometimes I even wish that someone could have told me how difficult it was going to be to have a baby and/or being a parent would be. Had I known before, I do not believe I would be a parent today. But I love my daughter more than anything and I would never change a single thing or go back and do anything differently. She is a blessing for me, a chance to turn my life around for the better.

Within the last month, the part of my life that revolves around my daughter fell apart. My daughter had been taken away. My heart was left shattered and with it, my purpose here was gone. I was left completely empty. How do you deal with your child being taken from you? How do you face the negative emotions that are left behind by an event like this? The anxiety and depression I have to face every day had been made worse by the loss of my daughter. I am left with the fact that I am now nothing more than the empty shell of the person I was when I still had her here with me. All I want is to be able to hold her...at leas one more time if I am going to lose her forever.

But if there is anything I know for certain, it is this: No matter what happens...no matter how long it may take? I will always...and I mean ALWAYS fight for my daughter to come home to me and my husband. I will always fight for our family to be reunited and to stay together.