I wouldn’t have called myself a happy child growing up. Everything was stressful, anxiety provoking, or just upsetting. My mother was always fighting with my grandparents; we lived with them because my mom was a single parent and couldn’t do it on her own. They would fight after I went to sleep, thinking I couldn't hear them.
And then I hate you. I hate you because you took everything that was us out of that house. Everything that was us — that was our family. You went and you tore it down and tore it out of our lives, out of my life, without a second thought, without any concern or understanding of what you had really done.
I have a huge confession to make: I was NOT an easy child to deal with when I was much younger. I was a walking nightmare. There. I finally got that out of the way. Whew!!!
Its the end of the day, everybody's fed, the kids are asleep, the house is quiet, and you're reflecting on your day. Parents, has it ever crossed your mind that you might be too hard on your kids?
It’s the third day of fall and for the first time, it actually feels like fall weather. The windows of my car are rolled down and 94.7 Nash FM is blasting through the speakers, as the crisp, fresh air brushes through my now, dark auburn hair.
I remember sitting in the waiting room of my OB/GBN's office to have an ultrasound. Babies, children, and their respective mothers swarming about as if they were in a club only they belonged to. Women with swelling and swollen stomaches smiling expectantly with the knowledge they were walking announcements of new life.They were young, old, and middle-aged women, and most importantly mothers. Here I was waiting to have an ultrasound to find out why my body would not perform like a woman's body should. Why my body would not allow me to join their happy, little club that included nursery rhymes, sticky kisses, and glowing happiness.
The worst thing for many young adults is seeing those close to their heart age. Realizing that they may no longer be in your life as you grow up is something that is unbelievably hard to come to terms with. When you think of life without them, it makes you think about things like how they'll never see you graduate, come to your wedding, attend your first football game of the season, etc. Whatever it may be, losing someone who is everything you need in life to feel wholesome, is something that will never get easy...especially knowing that you have your whole life ahead of you and they can't be a part of it anymore. For me, it feels as if I am a puzzle, only that there are pieces missing to complete me. Here and there you'll feel the missing piece, and wish you could have the puzzle completed just once more.
The emotional and physical distruction your existence has possessed on not only my life, but my happiness, has been strung out too long. The sadness I have allowed you to mentally expose to my day to day life is beyond pathetic and repugnant on my part; yet I monotonously licensed it. I have come to a point in my life that it all must cease before I shatter. I must be straightforward about everything now. I have never felt so small and deplorable. The innocence I once was able to gloat about no longer is of existance in my life. You have deprived me of that innocence and deliberately threw it in my face so that I was unable to modify the outcome. I would try so hard to run from the nightmares and terrors I consecutively would retain. It's like none of it tended to impact you, like my pain and distress meant nil to you. You could care less about the conten I would obtain for the rest of my life.
My arms burned, pierced by hundreds to tiny knives. I opened my eyes a crack and noticed sharp chunks of gravel embedded in jagged scratches. Apparently, flinging my arms forward as I landed on my stomach wasn’t the brightest decision. I blinked rapidly to dislodge the dirt from my lashes and lifted my head slightly. Hephaestus stood about ten feet away, his ears twitching curiously. He whickered when he noticed my gaze, and shifted slightly on his hooves as though asking, "What are you doing on the ground?"