Jellies

One thing you must know about Galveston is that it first and foremost an island and the water is the color of chocolate milk. "Mineral rich" the scientists say. "Back wash of the Mississippi" the mainland locals will say. Don't let the island-born people of Galveston hear it though, those are fighting words. Reason it is so murky and dark is because of The Mighty Mississippi emptying into the Gulf of Mexico. Also, due to the wind and rotation of the Earth, we get the amazing mineral rich waters. It will have decent barrels and waves enough for beginner surfers and boogie boards, but nothing spectacular. Put your hand in the water a few inches and it disappears completely.

Once in a blue moon, when the winds die down, the emerald waters appear. Nothing crystal clear like Cancun, but you can see your toes at waist deep. Even though it stings my eyes, I open them underwater to see shells and fish swimming. I pretend that I am far out in Cancun or Indonesia where there is continuous clear water.

Today, we had no emerald color, it was chocolate milk. If it were emerald, maybe things would have played out differently.

"The beach will be fun, the girls will love the sand." I thought to myself as we checked out of the Walmart line. Each girl had picked out a shovel and sand toy kit. I though it was hilarious the kit came with a shovel, but both girls were dead set on the wooden handle shovels. They were both so excited, I couldn't say no. The price on the register came to almost $25. Which would have paid for two days worth of meals, but I shrugged thinking I could make something else work in the pantry. We parked next to the Seawall and the girls squealed all the way to shore. I had to match their excitement. I hoped I was creating a core memory for both.

The sand was hot and burned as it slipped through my sandals. I wish I would have thought of the beach sooner, the sand would have been cooler. The heat from the sun beat down so intensely I could feel sweat between my shoulder blades and behind my knees, of all places.

We did not carry much to the shore with us. The plastic bag with tags still on the toys, my water, sunscreen, fanny pack and phone. The girls each picked out a hat from one of the local shops while we were walking up and down the Seawall. I dropped the plastic bag and applied sunscreen. It was fast because the girls were fully clothed. No swimsuits because I made a impulse decision.

The water was cool and refreshing from the heat. The girls went back forth between playing in the sand and water. Never really staying in one place for longer than a few minutes. My youngest girl, Haley, was calf-deep in the water, scooping and pouring the brown water around her, when she let out a blood curling scream.

Chloe, my older girl, and I raced towards Haley.

Haley dropped her bucket and held her calf, half hobbling onto the sand. Her faced was contorted in pain, sucking in deep breaths trying to talk. I took one look at her leg and saw the red splotches and knew right away. Jellies. I carried her to the local life guard who had some sting spray to help cut the edge of pain. He urged us to run it under hot water at home and use some cortisone cream.

I thanked him and we headed to the car. Chloe grabbed our small bag of things and Haley's shoes. She kept sniffling and crying which made me feel worse. I had to let someone know that this happened, even though it was outside where I was supposed to be.

I called the social worker, Julie.

"Renee...why didn't you call before you went to the beach?" Her voice was exhausted, but disappointed.

"I thought the beach would be harmless...I didn't think jellyfish would happen." I defended. I started the car and started to head west back up I-45. Chloe consoled Haley with a tablet they shared. It helped minimize the gulps of agony.

"Well...it's happened now. I have to document it. You know the Martins will be furious." She sighed.

"I know, Julie." I breathed back on the phone.

"This is another strike with your history. It might affect future unsupervised visits. Kind of like moving backwards."

I had gotten myself into a decent lane on the interstate and let those words sink in. "You mean, going back to supervised visits? With the Martins?"

Julie had a sharp intake of breath. "Let's not think of that right now. I'm thinking just less time and a smaller radius from their foster home."

I felt a knot in my throat. My eyes watered. "Julie, I worked real hard to get to these visits. The sting could not be helped."

"Renee, listen, if you would have told someone about the beach, this would be a minor documentation and not a major one. You went outside the radius and rules that were laid out for you. What if Haley fell off the Seawall and broke her arm?"

I started to silently cry. I saw the girls head to head in the rear mirror watching something together on the tablet. Haley had forgotten about her sting for now. "Yes, I see that, but I'm their mother I should be able to make last minute decisions."

Julie was silent for a few moments. "You lost that right months ago, when you put your children in danger. You are now trying to earn your children back. If you cannot follow simple rules, this could be a long road that ends in heartache...for everyone." Another pause. "I'm calling the Martins and giving them a heads up. You and I will meet at our normal time to address new rules and parameters." Then she hung up.

The drive was fairly silent. Haley squeaked about her leg feeling much better. Chloe asked if we all could go to McDonald's for dinner. It took me a moment to reply. "Girls, you have to go back to the Martins for dinner."

In the mirror, I could see both girls look at each other then snap their heads back to the front. "What? No way! You told us we could have dinner with you." Chloe's face dropped.

I decided to not tell them about possibly losing some visits with them. It would only make them worry and sad. Instead, I chose to tell the girls that I had unexpected dinner plans with a friend and I needed to drop them off early.

At first both girls were upset, but after a few minutes started talking excitedly about the next visit we could have. "Maybe we could go to the Aquarium!" Chloe said.

"Or the zoo!" Haley added.

Something snapped in me then. It must of been the built up pressure of low-income, not enough food for the day, the jellyfish, the phone call...all of it stacking on top of one another. It felt like I was stacking uneven rocks and now they came crashing down. "And who will pay for that?"

Haley and Chloe stopped, faces low.

"You know we couldn't afford it before, how can I afford it now?"

Chloe lifted her head. "Maybe we could save together?"

I let out a wicked laugh. "I'm barely scrapping by now. I have no savings Chloe....for today's fun I will go without food for a whole day. Sound exciting now?" I drummed the wheel. "Go to the zoo, then not eat for the next week."

We were seconds from pulling into the Martins driveway.

Both girls were silent. I felt worse than when Haley got stung. I hated myself for losing control, for messing with their hopes and dreams of a quite possible future. I was only mad about today.

Just when I was about to apologize, I saw the Martins standing, arms crossed, in the driveway. Great. Julie told them about the jellyfish. The girls hopped out of the car and started spewing all about the escapades of the day, especially exaggerating the jellyfish sting.

Haley and Chloe gave me two quick hugs and headed inside the house.

Joe and Mary Martin were extreme literal beings. If they knew about sarcasm you wouldn't know. "Darn those jellies in that muck water."

Joe unfolded his arms and placed them on his hips. "Couldn't even text us?" He shook his head. "You're a good person, Renee. But, you have to get a handle on this impulse thing." He sighed and headed inside the house.

Mary tightened her lips, then spoke. "How irresponsible. It would be one thing if this was the first time...and I knew it had been several...but when Julie gave me the amount I was shocked. Since the girls have had unsupervised visits with you..." Her hands fell to her sides, as though she was giving up. "You have had impulse trips 14 times...and each time something had happened...either to you or the girls."

"I'm sorry." I uttered, softly.

Mary's eyes watered. "Me, too. I hope this doesn't hurt the girls too much. Goodnight." And in the house she went.

I was left outside in the stagnant heat. No breeze. No flutter of the trees. If there were birds, I heard none. I had failed my girls, the Martins, Julie and most of all I had failed myself. If I could not hold true the goals I wanted to achieve, how was I going to be a better mom for these girls?

I still wished the stupid Galveston waters had been emerald today, maybe Haley would have seen the jellyfish then.