It was raining when you left

It was raining when I got the call. I was putting my make up on —you always said I didn’t need it. I was feeling lucky I went to visit you a few nights ago in the emergency. I said my goodbyes. I told you wherever you end up, they will be extremely lucky to have you. I told you I love you very much as I stroked your hair and held your hand. I’m glad we had a few years of catching up, the grocery runs, teas, shopping, & letters I got to write you. Now your gone.

It was raining that day, I hear it means she passed over and was accepted in a better place, that helped make me smile through the tears. I lit some candles in the beautiful frog candles holders she gave me and a shadow cast a heart on the wall. I thought of you sending me signs from above. Your love was so great for your family so I wouldn’t put it passed her to do that kind of thing from afar.

I did some of your favourite things to feel closer to her today. When I left the serene scene of the beach where buffle heads were diving for their lunch and the sun shone brightly above - Blue Rodeo was playing on the Radio, “Hasn’t hit me yet.” - it’s only her favourite band, I cried. Grieving is important in whichever works for you. I know she must miss us too. She didn’t want to leave it was just too painful to go on anymore. She held on for longer than anyone thought she could. Strong willed and family drivin tired and true.

I dreamt of her a few times too. I wrote down every detail to learn from her purely selfless guidance. I hope I have more dreams, more moments, more memories that make me feel closer to her. She was the aunt that kept any gift big or small and cherished it forever. She would always listen to you like you were the most important person in the world. She loved so big and you could trust her with any secret.

Once when i was little - I was on my way to the airport for the first time and I didn’t want to go to Bermuda. I wanted to stay with my Auntie Heather. She told me I just couldn’t miss out and drove to the airport just to wave goodbye and comfort me which taught me how to overcome my fear aswell as how to be altruistically inclined. I did her hair in a zillion little pony tails when I was young because I wanted to be a hairdresser that week and she didn’t want to ruin my dreams so she said it was beautiful and went to the store. When my parents told me she moved and wasn’t our neighbour anymore, I didn’t believe them. I walked to her house alone to find an empty house with vehicles in the driveway. I had to at least check. She didn’t move too far away - I was happy about that.

As much as I loved her and still do, I know there’s many family members and friends, maybe even strangers who are grieving her loss because of the incredibly amazing ways she’s helped us all. This is just my story. She was my person as a child and who I strive to be for my nieces. She was an advocate for little voices and loved beyond measure. She listened with intent and gave the most healing hugs. I wish she could love herself with the same grace she loved others which is also a lesson in itself and something I work on.

She was beyond special to anyone who had the pleasure of meeting her and taught us how to love better. I will miss her every day. Until we meet again.

In memory of my beautiful aunt Heather. 💟