Is the Lottery Wishful Thinking?

Thoughts on the Powerball lottery frenzy in Texas Circa November 5, 2022:

Yes, I bought a lottery ticket.

Ok, I bought a few.

Am I in a lottery pool at work?

Yeah, Ok, that too.

I have spent to this point on this particular lottery exactly $61.00.

I have won a total of:

$12 on Sunday

$4.20 on Wed + $2 from the pool

For a grand total of $18.20

Have I been bargaining with the devil/god for me to win the big jackpot?

Absolutely.

What have I promised?

I promised to do good deeds, like, giving to charity, starting a charity, starting a scholarship fund, buying a house for all my siblings, and making sure that my family is taken care of for generations to come.

I even promised a struggling writer I would sponsor his first book.

I would get 50% of the royalties, I joked.

That American Greed, he shot back at me.

That American Greed. Is it so American? Or is it just human I wonder?

Yes, I have a grand total of $18.20 after spending $61. So far that is. It is here not yet the drawing, or maybe it is happening at this moment. I can't watch. Not because I think I will win.

I know I won't.

It's because I am too lazy to look. If I win in my pool, surely someone else will check it and let me know.

And the ticket that I bought online will tell me in a few hours I won something (anything) or not.

And so I wait, and wonder and dream...

I am full of hate and loathing for this game.

It plays on the human's inability to do basic math.

If we remember our basic statistics (or just look it up on the internet where some smart people have done this calculation for us already) we would see that the expected value from a normal baseline Powerball ticket is $.32. For $2 bucks, we can expect 32 cents!

It also plays on our really bad judgement in putting our hopes into very extremely unlikely events (~200 -ish - million to one odds!). Maybe its because we would like to think that we are special.

Except me. (Ok, that's a lie)

Did I forget to say that I had a hellish day?

Many things happened today and for the past few weeks that make me believe that I am extremely unlucky. Actually, I was feeling guilty for being in the lottery pool with my coworkers because of how unlucky I am.

So, I was exhausted, but we had no food in the fridge, so I went to the grocery store.

I desperately needed my mineral water that has been either helping because its actually helping OR helping because of the placebo effect, but in either case, I was out of it, haha. So, I go to ring up my groceries, and there was an actual cashier!

We chatted and I just casually mentioned the Powerball.

"Thanks for reminding me, I have to go get a ticket tonight, I get off at 8."

She said that she still had 20 years to live and she has been playing her whole life, and she has been asking god, or rather, reminding god gently of course that she plans to live at least into her 80's and that she still has plans of retiring and that she is wondering when it is her turn to win.

The biggest winning she ever got was $500 when she was in desperate need.

Maybe we play the Powerball because we believe it is a way for god to show us how much he loves us.

Or in my case, just a way of smacking down my hopes in his bail-out to say, "Nope, Sarah, you don't need my intervention. You got this."

Thanks god.

Update: it is after 10 pm Central, the numbers are out and my phone is not blowing up. It can only mean one thing.

My $18.20 stays the winnings this time.

Of course, the bad part is I used all those winning to buy more tickets that didn't win.

House always wins.

Just not my house, not this time.

It would be nice if my retirement plan was not based on winning the lottery, or god's good favor, which apparently I don't have btw.

Better luck next time.

Or maybe I should brush up my math skills and put my 61 bucks in the bank for a rainy day.

Or, a day in my 80's, staring out the window on that rainy day and counting all the good times I had reading a book, or cooking or laughing with my family, as opposed to watching my life get caught in my throat waiting to win the jackpot that was never to be.

I don't have to wait to win the lottery to do good deeds, give to charity, or make sure my family is taken care of. I can do that now, without that bargaining with a higher power that may or may not be listening or happen to care about my plight as much as I do.

Or maybe I've just had a bad day, and I'm low on those minerals.

Bottom's up!