Inherited Chaos

Twenty four hours was all it took to change my whole existence . Well technically it was eight thousand seven hundred sixty hours that lead up to this one moment of chaos .which started when I retrieved the mail and opened a little black book .something so trivial yet life changing . It changed the very DNA of who I am . I quickly became personally acquainted with the painful dawn of the meaning of thinking you know something and Knowing something without a shadow of doubt . The two are worlds of a difference apart .

You see yesterday I thought I knew who I was . I thought I knew the place I called home . I thought I knew who my parents were . I thought my life was just as "normal "as normal can get for a sixteen year old . The traumatizing truth is that it was all a lie . My whole existence is a lie . The only thing I know without a shadow of a doubt is that Today Monday, April 5th is the day I was born sixteen years ago . That's it.

I must have read this little black book page by page at least twenty times by now . Each condemning word written by hands of my deceased mother . Her life , My life and the monster who made me are all within the pages of my mothers diary . My name my real name is Gavriil Orlov and according to my mothers diary I have Inherited three things for certain . # 1. My mother's diary and in it the answers to some of my questions . #2. A trust fund account with $ 20,000.00 . # 3 An address in a completely different country .

This is crazy . The more I read this diary the less I understand . Is this really happening right now ? Is this really my life ? I want this to be all a dream . A weird , terrible dream I can wake up from and forget about in a few hours. scratch that I want to punch something right now . This is fucked up . I'm done . I'm just going to throw this away . This never happened . I never read this stupid diary , I never found out that my parents were not my real parents . I'm going to go back to my normal life and this whole thing never happened . Yep . In the trash the black book from hell goes .Goodbye. Inside the kitchen I open the trash can and deposit the book . See that easy . now I can just take a nap and eat some pizza rolls like normal teenager and forget this ever happened . "

Out of no where a foul odor of ripe onions and pickle juice invaded my nostrils . "What is that funky smell ?!" I lifted up my arms to smell my armpits . I almost gaged ." My God I stink !" I jogged up the stairs into the bathroom and peeled off my clothes . The warm water feels comforting and relaxing . I can feel all my worries being washed away . As my thoughts fade into the noise of the water running my mind zones out. doubt and fear creep in .

Your a Coward . Your a nobody . Your alone in this world . Ugh why cant I just have a peaceful moment to myself . I don't even Know who I am . How long would be able to live this lie ? Maybe I am a coward . Maybe I don't deserve to be happy . The water starts to get too warm and I step out of the tub wiping the steamed mirror off . You'll never know unless you try . What if I try and something bad happens to me then how will I be okay ?But isn't doing nothing worse than trying and failing? Because if I try and fail at least I can learn from my mistakes and gain experience . But if I do nothing I don't gain anything . I wont get to know my real family . I wont get to see how far I can go . I wont get my inheritance. but worse of all If I died today I would die as a sixteen year old nothing . Nobody would ever know who great Gavriil Orlov is.

I look at myself in the mirror staring into my eyes wanting to become someone who I can be proud of . I want my life to be meaningful not matter what I decide in life . I finish getting dressed and go back downstairs into the kitchen . I dig for my mothers diary out of the trash and take a deep breath . This is it no turning back . I take out my phone and request a lyft to my next destination . whatever happens next on my journey to finding out who Gavriil Orlov is at least I can say I tried .

The End For Now .