In the Pursuit of Happiness

After a break from writing of well over a year, these last few days I have been back in the swim writing extensively about my past history of bad relationships. However, I am aware that not all women, nor men, are bad.

I know of a great many women who are doing a great job of being amazing partners for their men. And since I am now with one of those women, I am going to write a little about what happens when you really do meet the right one.

My present wife is a gem and quite frankly if it wasn't for her I would not be here, and that is a fact. Every day I count my blessings that we ever met, which was quite by chance. 

After ten years of avoiding any emotional attachment to women due to my previous bad experience, plus the fact that I was having to deal on a daily basis with a nasty legal persecution by my second ex wife, I really didn't have any space in my life for any female. That all changed when in 2014 my ex pulled her dirtiest trick of all, she fled the country illegally taking my thirteen year old son with her. The upside of that was the vexatious, trivial and false legal allegations intended simply to destroy me, all pretty much stopped. Oh what joy.

About one year later I went to my local little Spanish bar for breakfast and there it was that I met my adorable wife. Just as I was having my coffee and toast, the bar owner came over to me to ask me a favour. There was a Japanese woman who had arrived to rent one of her holiday apartments for a few weeks. Now she was in the bar on her first day and trying to communicate with the owner. The woman did not speak Spanish and the owner did not speak Japanese. However, the woman did speak English and I spoke Spanish. So I was asked to translate a little and I was only too pleased to help a damsel in distress, as it were.

At first the woman merely wanted directions to the centre of town. However, as I began to explain the route the woman seemed to be concerned about some of the turns she needed to make. So I asked her would she like me to show her by going into town with her. "Oh yes please." she replied and off we went.

It was a beautiful sunny day and as I walked the woman into town I had no idea that I was ambling along with the woman who would become not only my wife, but also my saviour.

In too short a time the woman, Sara, had to return to Japan and I was quite frankly gutted. I really enjoyed her company. Thankfully, as soon as she arrived back in Japan she called me on Skype and asked if she returned to Spain could she stay with me for a few months. I was overjoyed at the prospect and said yes, of course.

Over the course of her second visit Sara and I fell madly in love and I asked her to marry me. She was single, never been married nor had children and didn't even have a regular boyfriend. So no baggage, at least not on her side. On my side I had long since learned to not discuss my previous marriages, I really did not want to infect our beautiful relationship with any negativity about the past. And here we are in our eighth year together and still to this day I hardly ever give my ex's a mention. I told Sara I did not want to talk about that part of my past, but if she ever had any questions about it I would try to answer her in a good way. I wanted her to know that I had nothing to hide.

During that visit we travelled extensively to Madrid, Seville and Granada. We went to the Algarve in Portugal and to the north of England. We had a great time I can tell you.

In 2017 Sara and I got married in Spain with her family's blessing, despite the fact that I am twenty years older than their lovely daughter. In fact, I am closer to my parents in law in age than I am to my wife. There is only five years difference in age between myself and my mother in law. Thank fully the Japanese do not seem to have a single ageist bone in their bodies.

My wife's mother frequently tells me thank you for making her daughter so happy, she's never seen her so happy she says.

In 2020 I was in Spain and my wife was in Japan when I was suddenly taken ill with some mystery illness. The Spanish doctors did not take my illness seriously enough to prescribe anything other than paracetamol. They said it was an age related condition, "You're getting old sir, there's nothing we can do about that."

My wife was furious with this pathetic medical diagnosis and asked me for every single detail of my symptoms. Then she rang off and said she would be back soon. Ten minutes after I told her my symptoms she came back to tell me exactly what was wrong with me, and she was absolutely right.

I have to be honest I was a wreck. I had something called PMR/GCA and could hardly move without suffering a great deal of pain in every single part of my body. This lovely woman booked and paid for a flight to Japan and then paid for me to have a full medical at a very expensive private hospital. No she is not rich, she works very hard as an occupational therapist at a private hospital and I am covered by her health insurance plan. However, she still has to pay a hefty contribution, about thirty percent, to all medical bills. The funny thing is she says she is delighted I got ill because at long last, after many, many years of making insurance payments and never having made a single claim, she can get something back from the insurance company.

As for saving my life, well that full medical sadly revealed that I had had what is called a silent heart attack and a mini stroke, no doubt due to all the shit I was put through by my ex's over a pronged period of time. However, all the ill health conditions that I have are highly treatable and I am now on a regime of daily medicines that keep it all under control. Untreated, my sleep apnea and blocked arteries could have easily killed me years ago. I live to fight a lot more days, months and years, hopefully.

So, a very attractive, self assured, self sufficient, kind, generous, caring, sexy, funny woman, jeez what more could a man ask for? She is also a great cook and highly intelligent. And when I say there is not a bad bone in her slender body, I should know.

We express our love for each other several times a day, every single day. Even when she goes out to work, she calls me to see if I am ok and tells me how much she loves me and how much she is missing me. She says she looks after me so well because she never wants me to die. She wants me to see 100 years old, at least. She says she would die without me. And I feel exactly the same and constantly tell her how much she means to me.

Sometimes in our free time we go out to a park or museum, or we go to the coast for a drive, or climb a mountain. And where ever we go, even if it's only the supermarket, we always hold hands. We go out to dine once a week, normally to one of our favourite Japanese Italian or Japanese French restaurants. Incredibly, the Japanese make even better Italian and French cuisine than the Italians or French! We constantly buy each other presents, even if it is only a box of her favourite chocolates or a beautiful bunch of flowers, or a pair of socks and some underwear for me.

At home we have chats and intelligent discussions about various subjects. Often we just cuddle up in front of the tv and she falls asleep in my arms. Quite often I tell her she really is quite a remarkable woman, because she is. And she always replies with a very humble, modest "I'm just normal darling, what is so remarkable about that." Believe me, after what I have been through, that is freekin remarkable.

And the key to this very happy, successful relationship is a combination of all the little significant details, the respect and care, the kind thoughts we have for each other. Above all, I think is that word 'normal.' I do believe that is all any man or woman wants, normality. To hell with the rows and destructive histrionics, the hissy fits, the sly digs, the unjustified suspicions and false accusations, in front of you and behind your back. Just give me normal please. I am so happy that in eight years we have not had a single row, not one. We are in fact as one about what we want and need from each other. And it works. The future? I do not see any future melodramatic changes in our situation, only good things. We've cracked it, we've got it made, and we know it.

Well, there are billions of people on this little speck of dust called Earth and we are truly not here for very long. So you should do everything you can to make your stay a happy one. And the best way to do that is to make other people around you happy, the favour will be returned in buckets for sure. So, to all of those couples out there, whatever the race or gender, your sexual identity, the colour of your skin, your culture or system of beliefs, whatever the mix, just do it, above all else, make your lives happy ones. 

My wife and I are, in two or three ways, worlds apart. She is a forty something Japanese woman with a lifetime of experience in the East, and an open mind. I am a sixty something British man with a longer lifetime of experience, in the West and an open mind, and yet we have an amazing relationship.

And to all of those who have got through hard times and lived to rebuild a new, beautiful life with another, well done, you passed the course with an A plus grade from the University of Life. Long live love. Peace and happiness to you all.