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I went all the way

Why I decided to tell my ten-year-old the truth about intercourse and how it changed him

By Carrie PrincipePublished 2 years ago Updated 8 months ago 5 min read
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I had my first crush in second grade and wanted to kiss him. When my son told me he had a crush, I knew it was time to talk about what that meant in detail. Is it too early to talk about sex? What am I supposed to say?

I figured now is as good a time as any to start talking about sex. If I start the conversation, I'm going to finish, eye rolls or not. I started the conversation by explaining that puberty brings a whole host of bodily changes out of our control.

“Even though your penis feels good to touch right now, it is going to feel really, really good soon. It's healthy to touch yourself and be comfortable with what arouses you. This is called masturbation, and I encourage you to explore your body, but there are strict rules about when and where it is allowed," I began.

"You can touch yourself as much as you want, but only in your bedroom with the windows closed and covered, or in the bathroom, and nowhere else. Masturbation is about going with the flow of our own stimulation. If something feels good, do more of it. At some point, you will have an orgasm, and the orgasm will cause ejaculation. You will know you've ejaculated when some thick white liquid comes out, called semen. You are going to enjoy the experience. Masturbation is fun!”

I’ve introduced the concepts of romantic love versus mom-son love, and his responses have told me he understands the difference; both mom-son love and romantic love are based on love, kindness, respect, and communication.

"The difference is with romantic love, you share physical love with one another, which includes sex. Parent-child love is kissing on the cheek only."

"How are babies made?" He asked me.

I knew it was time to go for it, and I told him the truth about sex and reproduction. If they don’t know the facts, they may experiment, which can result in an unexpected negative outcome. A child who wants to know may go to any means to find out. I know this from experience. This could include asking people until someone offers an answer, no matter how ridiculous, or they may learn from misguided information from social media. I would rather tell him myself than have him wandering listening to random mixed-up facts.

I asked him if he was attracted to girls or boys. Introducing attraction to anyone frees any barriers of shame. We don’t have control over our desires, and it is always a good idea to respect our thoughts and needs. I chose to help him prepare for some of these feelings before he was forced to understand them under pressure.

“The way babies are made, or conceived, is when the man puts his penis into the woman’s vagina and has an orgasm to release the semen into her. Fertilization is the only way to bring new life to the world, and sex is the most efficient way of achieving it. Deciding you are ready to have a sexual relationship with someone means you have decided you are ready for the responsibility of caring for, providing for, and nurturing the child. If you’re not ready to care for a child, do not have unprotected sex.”

I don't know if he believed me when I told him that he was going to have a very strong desire to have sex as he navigates through puberty. I’m not sure if I was able to emphasize that emotion to its fullest degree effectively.

“Consent is the first step, and required. If you do not consent from your partner, all actions need to stop immediately. Understand and respect that we need to have the consent of our partner. The only consent that grants permission is "Yes." Anything other than a "Yes" should be understood as a "No." We never, ever force anyone to do anything. That’s final. You respect it and move on because the person meant for you will be worth the wait and effort. Reciprocation is key.”

He began to explain to me there is a girl he thinks is super cool, cute, and funny, and they always have the best time together. I realized this is a perfect opportunity to talk with him about some of the emotional struggles he may encounter. I hoped to offer him the insight to adjust his whole outlook on romantic relationships.

“Tell me what you like about her,” I said.

“She laughs at my jokes and gets me,” my son replied.

“I’m so glad you have her in your life," I replied.

“Yesterday, she was drawing a table, and I asked if she was drawing a baby. She burst out laughing, and then I started laughing! Bahahaha! Not a baby, a table!”

"You seem to like her. Maintain your friendship and see where it goes. Sound like a good plan?" I asked.

"Yes!" He said excitedely.

"And let me know if you have any questions, no matter how silly or embarrassing they seem," I assured him.

"Okay," he responded.

Understanding love, sex, relationships, and romance took me years, a lot of failures, and more ridiculous moments than I care to admit. If I knew that when reciprocation is not present, it is time to move on, it would have saved me a whole ton of heartbreak and offered more orgasms.

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About the Creator

Carrie Principe

I'm not a writer, I'm a thinker, and my life experiences, healing, and journey have given me a lot to think about.

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