I want you to be happy, probably the biggest lie of your parents.

Zeng Qifeng Psychological Studio

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10 years of deep cultivation of psychoanalysis will help you have less inner conflict and more spiritual freedom.

"Mom enjoyed it when I was miserable."

I saw a post on the Internet to the effect that a girl felt that her mother seemed a little jealous of her.

When she was young, her mother asked her to do a lot of housework. If her mother is not satisfied with it, her mother will wring her upper eyelids.

While twisting, he would also say, "I used to have a much worse life than you. Your grandmother will also twist the flesh on her body, and you have been beaten much less than me."

When the girl took part in the school sports meeting, the other children had beautiful clothes to wear, but her mother took out her coat from 20 years ago and forced her to put it on.

The reason is that my mother was born in a traditional family, and as a girl, she fought hard to get the chance to go to junior high school.

She was very angry to see that today's children could enjoy nine-year compulsory education as soon as they were born and what sports meeting they could take part in.

In a normal mind, it is believed that parents want their children to have a better life, at least better than themselves. But parents subconsciously interfere with the happiness and relaxation of their children.

After this post, many netizens expressed empathy.

Although it is difficult to understand, although parents say that they want their children to be good, when their children are really doing well, parents will suppress them in different ways.

One netizen said: as long as she shows that she is doing well, her mother's look and attitude will be very unhappy.

After realizing this, she started the "play mode". Try to sell miserably in front of my mother, showing that I am not doing well, but my mother feels more at ease.

Another netizen said: when I said my husband and mother were kind to me, my mother was throwing cold water on me. When I said I was unhappy, she comforted me like a virgin and indulged in the role.

These stories sound incredible, but when you think about it, it seems as if they really happened in our lives.

In the eyes of many people, the role of parents is sacred and selfless. Parents do not have seven emotions and six desires, and can use love to generate electricity for their children.

But in fact, parents are also ordinary people, they have their own selfishness, but also have emotions that normal people will exist.

Jealousy is the normal mood of people.

Parents will be jealous when they see that their children have not eaten the hardships they once suffered and enjoyed the blessings they did not enjoy. This is not an unpardonable thing.

Parents will envy their children, which does not prevent parents from loving their children.

Parents' jealousy of their children is caused by nature.

Why jealousy makes you unrecognizable points out that jealousy is not a single emotion, on the contrary, it is actually a mixture of strong emotions, including anger, anxiety, fear, confusion, excitement, helplessness, despair and sadness.

It is not such a sinful and horrible thing, and there is an undercurrent behind the jealousy of parents and children.

Jealousy often exists in competitive relationships, where parents regard their children as private property and think that their children should be their own. But when children have happiness they don't have, it's like robbing them of their happiness.

I saw a video in which a mother asked a blogger for help, saying that her daughter never seemed to talk to her.

She mentioned that her daughter wanted to buy a facial cleanser recently, but she firmly disagreed.

"for a 15-year-old, warm water will be fine."

I just started to use skin care products at my age. How can she use facial cleanser and body lotion?

The blogger is very curious, the teenager's face is greasy, is there any facial cleanser abnormal? the weather is so dry, what's wrong with a little body lotion? do you think she doesn't deserve it?

The mother said, well, a little bit.

It was only in the last sentence that the crux of the problem was revealed. It is not that the family cannot afford a facial cleanser worth dozens of yuan, but that the mother feels that the child is unworthy.

The mother regards her daughter as an extension of her life, and her daughter is not entitled to enjoy what she did not enjoy at that age.

Psychologist Winnicott has listed 18 reasons why parents "hate" their children, revealing the truth of the coexistence of love and hate.

For example, children are not what their parents want them to be.

The mother suffered during pregnancy and childbirth

Parents are required to love their children, including their feces

The child will hurt the mother and keep gnawing at the nipples.

Parents must respond to their children at any time and their lives are completely disrupted.

Children in the early stages of life, do not know their parents' hard work and hard work.

When parents have to put up with their children and have to suppress their hatred for their children, they will enter a complex state.

They force themselves to love their children and express their anger at them in different ways.

It is not shameful for parents to envy or even hate their children. Love and hate exist at the same time, sacrifice and grievance decline each other, is the normal psychology of parents to their children.

It is the parents' real helplessness that they can't see their children are good.

Does being jealous of your child mean that you are a "bad mother"?

Of course not.

Jealousy is an emotion that everyone will have, and parents are not saints. They can be both oppressors and victims.

Parents' jealousy of their children is essentially a controlling relationship-yours is mine, I let you have your talent, I don't let you have you can't have it.

In particular, the mother's jealousy of her daughter will show different forms.

Some mothers will suppress the sexual characteristics of girls, saying that their daughters are ugly.

Some mothers will repeatedly instigate their daughter's marriage, telling her that there are no good things for men.

Some mothers will envy their daughter's achievements and persuade her to get married and have children when she has a successful career.

At the conscious level, the mother wants her daughter to be better off than herself. But at the subconscious level, they can't simply be happy.

If the son has made achievements, the mother does not have to compete with him, and gender can act as a buffer. But as a woman, the daughter really has achievements, and the mother will be silently jealous of her daughter.

In the mother's complex emotions, the daughter will also become very tangled. They want to hate their mother, and they blame themselves for the idea.

Love and hate, eager to be close and want to stay away, is the epitome of many mother-daughter relationships.

I have a relative who has no chance to go to school since she was a child. She has been working very hard to send her daughter to college.

Her joy came from the bottom of her heart after seeing her daughter rise to prominence. However, behind the joy, there will be a trace of discomfort. She denied her daughter's success in a negative way.

Although her daughter had a chance to go to a better school, she asked her daughter to choose a provincial university on the grounds that she was "close to home".

After her daughter graduated from college, she made another sarcastic remark: after so many years of schooling, she couldn't find a good job. The daughter of Zhang San's family in the village earned more than you after graduating from junior high school.

On the surface, children are encouraged to succeed, but subconsciously they are not allowed to succeed.

Because a successful child, a child who is completely different from his own life, means a child who is not under his own control.

Parents who lose control