I'm The Black Sheep of The Family

Let’s be honest, many of us were told when growing up “Don’t Rock The Boat”. In other words, “Don’t Air Our Dirty Laundry”. The black sheep in the family is the one trying to break the cycle of family’s toxic bullshit. We want to break free of the past dysfunctional patterns and manipulations.

The black sheep is seeking self awareness and looking to break free from the toxicity these patterns created in their own lives.

Even before I started writing a book about my life and the family dynamics which influenced me I have always been the “black sheep”. It started when I began dating black men and then married one. That was a big no-no in a Jewish family. Let’s tell it like it is, even the most liberal of Jews have issue with race.

It isn’t just Jews who don’t like to admit they may have African roots in their genealogy. When I had a DNA test and it showed two percent from Kenya, it wasn’t a shock to me and this was on my mother’s side of the family tree. My half brother from a different woman said he had nothing from Kenya, so it must be on my mother’s side.

Haven’t the scientists told us we all have roots in Africa? I remember my aunt saying to me “Don’t break the chain” shortly after I was in my first relationship with a black man while I was visiting her in Israel. I was nineteen years old at the time. I take it there was a discussion about my dating activities amongst the family. But I was already she black sheet long before that.

I was the product of my mother and my father (whom the family already hated). I was the child of a man who was not welcome in their home and I may note he is not black and he is Jewish. So choosing to marry an abusive, narcissistic asshole has no bearing on race. My parents had divorced when I was still a baby and I grew up hearing only bad things about my father coming from my family. When I got older this led to me always feeling that half of me was a piece of shit.

The story of my life was I always dated or married the wrong guy what race he was didn’t really matter. The fact was, I always chose someone the family didn’t approve of. I was always doing something that the family didn’t approve of. Ha! No one even knew I was a stripper for the first two and a half years. In fact most of my extended family didn’t know I had been a stripper at all until I chose to share with the world parts of my book, The Life of A Jewish Stripper, a memoir.

Then I became even more of a black sheep to the family when I started writing my book and sharing it publicly. I was truth telling and folks weren’t very happy to read my truth.

What people didn’t realize was that I was seeking self knowledge, understanding of my own vicious cycle and patters that led me to be in abusive relationships with narcissists.

I will always be the black sheep because I don’t want to sweep it all under the “cliché” rug anymore and because I refuse to tolerate abusive behavior that still goes on in my family to this day.