I love you Noel

I remember when I first saw you Noel, you looked like you were only 13 years old, to my surprise you were much older than that. Ever since I began to know you, I fell in love with the person that you are/were. I wanted to write this to let you know that I love you and that your girls are okay.

I just about cried the other day when your baby who is 8 now, gave me a hug and thanked me for taking care of them. Don't get me wrong I have my days when I come home from a day of work, to cook, to clean, to make sure that everyone is fed and happy. Some days I forget to take care of myself, but that day will come when it comes.

I know when summer time comes, I am going to do my share of crying, missing you, because you loved to go to fish camp and help me with the salmon strips. Who is going to help me now? I will have to teach Amber to work on fish, she can use my small uluaq that fits her hands. Mimi can help, but she is not too crazy about touching the fish. I know that I am going to cry when we go on the tundra to pick the berries, because if it were up to you, you would go everyday to pick blueberries and salmonberries, your favorites.

Remember when we went camping passed the Johnson River? I will never forget the time we travelled by boat a good 7 hours to finally reach our destination. Luke laughed the next day when I told the little girls, were going for a boat ride yay! They sure wanted to ride with me, because my husband led the convoy of two boats, up river towards the Yukon, or the tree line they call it.

We went on land, you and Luke decided to go a bit further up river while me and the girls went up the tundra to pick berries. I had to keep reminding my son who was 12 at the time to keep the gun close to him, because we never know if we were going to come across a bear or a pack of wolves. Maybe a moose might just show up out of no where and grace its presence.

Noel, I miss you, your girls miss you, Luke misses you. Why you had to leave was too sudden and unexpected. Your friends miss you. You left a big hole in a lot of peoples lives when you left. We started a "choose sobriety" on facebook in your memory, I know that you wanted so much to be sober. I know that you were searching. I wish that I had been there more for you to guide you a bit closer, but in my mind, I would say that you are grown, you will have to make the choices.

We love you so much Noel and some days we can sense your presence in the house. I know you won't just up and leave your girls, although you are not there in plain sight. I hug the girls a little tighter for you. I tell them that I love them for you Noel. I know that I can never take your place, but you sure did take place in our lives and in our hearts, you will never be forgotten. Noel, "Wych", you left too soon. We love you. We miss you. I hope that you rest now. Enjoy the baby that left before you did, tell her hello from me and the girls.