The worst nightmare

This is the last photo she took of her children. She was so excited to take this picture because we had trimmed the girl's hair. She would often dress them in the same kind of clothing, her only two girls whom she loved so very much. The girls were her life, her reason to try and stay sober, but the addiction to drugs and her drinking had won its battle against her struggle, or was it her that finally won.

The bitter cold came through in Bethel, Alaska for a period of about two weeks. We have had milder winters, but this winter is what they had called an "old man winter". This meant that we would have long periods of cold spells. The temperature must have been around -30 to -40 degrees including the wind chill.

The wind would start to blow in the evenings and an old Eskimo saying would come to mind. "The weather is after a person." Often the person in the weather would come after people and everyone would know. After it's hunger for a life, often the weather would desist from being either too cold or would desist from a blizzard; where often we could not see five to ten feet in front of us. I did not know, this time it would capture one of our own.

During one morning of the two weeks of the cold spell, while I was at work I had a call from her sister. A call that I had dreaded, a nightmare is more what it was. You see, my daughter-in-law had a drinking problem. She would have a couple weeks where she did so well, during her sober days she would try reach out for treatment. Being in a town where alcohol is a problem for some of our youth, often the waiting period for treatment would take some time. Unfortunately, she would give into drinking again.

This phone call brought the worst of news, she was found dead. I could not contain the very bad news. I did not care that I was at work, nothing at that moment mattered. The one thing that I dreaded and hoped would never happen, happened. So many things that came to my thoughts, so many "what if's" or "I should have done this or that." These thoughts run through my head often. How was I going to break the news to her husband, my son who was incarcerated at the time? How were we going to tell the girls?

The girls are now going on three months without the one they call mom. I lost my mother when I was much older, I cannot fathom the thought of such young girls losing their mother at such a young age. I am now taking care of them and rightly so. Being a mother of five children, four of which are grown and one thirteen, I had gained two more children; 8 and 9 year old girls. I have to be the one now to help raise them, teach them our culture and how to work with our hands.

Having an addiction whether it be drugs or alcohol is something we see in our young adults. Some days I wish there was a cure for alcoholism like they have for other sickenesses. I hope that one day that people that are alcoholics will find their way into recovery before it is too late. I hope this message gets across to young adults that have children. I plead, I cry that their mother's do not get a dreaded phone call like I had gotten. This is a mother's worst nightmare.