I Don't Read... and That's OK

I am known as one of those “over-productive” people. SHOCKER I hear my friends say. A bit of background – I’m a meeting planner and work full-time as the Senior Manager of Meetings for the Society of American Military Engineers. This is my work bucket. My family bucket contains my husband and 3 kids – 7, 5, and 1, and of course, the cat. Then there is my creative bucket - a small one-woman operation of reupholstering furniture, creating amigurumi crochet creatures out of yarn, DIYing the house and anything artsy. My 3 buckets, all inter-connecting, sometimes overflowing, but always containing love and fond memories.

Y’all – I’M BUSY.

But that’s how I like it. I enjoy having a lot to do, and a lot in the pipeline. It fills my cup and I’ve gotten used to having such an active lifestyle. I enjoy people giving me compliments, posting progress pictures on social media, and seeing all my hard work come to fruition. But like every good story, there is a downside. I don’t read. So when people say “I don’t know how you do it all”, more times than not I am thinking to myself “but I DON’T do it all – I don’t read.

Reading is such a joy for me. I remember taking one of the Hunger Games books on a trip and finishing it in less than 3 days. I love diving deep into a story and sympathizing with the character or being fascinated by how much depth they can put into the storyline, and anxiously awaiting the next book in a good series. But over time, the busier I got with kids and my work enterprises, reading got harder and harder. I have about 5 books right now that I’ve attempted to read in the past year – put them on my nightside table thinking I would pick one up and get into it again, all the while the poor books are collecting dust (drywall dust actually, from the bathroom renovation). I feel bad for not reading, and when I dig down deep, I feel bad about feeling bad about not reading.

Because I do read. I read The Little Blue Truck to my kids and can recite it to you word for word. I read articles about being a better manager, how to shift from in-person events to virtual ones and everything in between. I read my chapters on becoming a CAE (Certified Association Executive) for a shot at passing the 4-hour test, and while not technically reading, I listen to podcasts about history, kids, corporate governance, and meditation.

My internal thought of "reading" is cracking open a novel and spending hours pouring over the pages. The way I read now never registered to me as actual reading - it was just part of my daily life. It wasn't anything extra that I added to my plate, so why would I count it in my internal checklist of awesomeness? At some point, it became clear to me that although these things aren't like reading a novel, they are important and they are moving me forward. They are helping my kids learn how to read, helping me become a better and more efficient worker, and helping me keep up-to-date on current subjects when I'm tearing apart a 50-year-old chair in my basement.

There are times when even the strongest people have self-doubt. Whether it comes in the form of thinking we truly don’t do it all, that we aren’t smart enough, or pretty enough, or we can’t possibly do that job because no one like us has walked those shoes before; those are just excuses we give ourselves. Yes, I may not READ in the way I would like to, but there are so many other things about me that make me an amazing “over-productive” person.

Tonight, after a day of running sessions at a virtual conference, I’ll make dinner, give my kids a bath, read The Little Blue Truck and spend three to four hours developing a Pokémon crochet pattern. I’ll go to bed with tired eyes, a full heart, and the satisfaction that I did it all - without reading.