I Am The Mom Battle

Hello All! This is the story of how I came about from what I can remember all the way to this very day. I hope I don't ramble on too much, but then again, This is my Blog, so "Sorry, Not Sorry" or whatever people say now a days?!

Anyways, I'm Jessica Watt, and I AM THE MOM BATTLE. I was born in Maplewood, MN and relocated to Crawfordsville, IN. I unfortunately grew up like damn near every American Home --> With divorced parents. My parents split up when I was 4 years old and my Brothers and I were raised by our father. I'm so thankful for my dad. I'm not fully sure how he made it out alive after raising me. I was such a delight..haha *insert sarcasm* I know one thing's forever and that is a daughter/father bond. I look up to this man. He reminds me to be strong and dependable. To have a moral compass when led astray...or in my case (read further), a way to get back. I know i'll forever be safe knowing the man that saves me and then forces me to save myself, my secret holder, my forever Keeper, my number one fan, my daddy, has faith in me. That is a bond, I'll never have with my mother.

We would see our mother every other weekend and we always knew there was just something that wasn't right about all of that. Sooo that was sort of the start to The Mom in me. I started playing the role that was meant for our mom...but she didn't Rise. Well, someone had to do it, so when I was 7 years old, That Day came. I rose up. I semi started to mother my brothers...well, as much as a young girl could understand at the time.

Our mom was gone. She abandoned us. Abandoned me. Just like my sister. My parents put her up for adoption before I was born. I didn't get to know or even meet my sister until I was 15 years old, so you could only imagine what was running through everyone's head during my younger days. I didn't hear or know where my mom was from the ages 7-14. SEVEN whole years I didn't hear from or know where my own mother was. Pretty devastating right?! Indeed, it was. The even more insane thing about that is, she came to watch one of my brother's high school football games...2 hours worth of WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? and then, guess what....she was gone again...until I was 22 years old. Another 8 years went by without any knowledge of my mom's whereabouts. So again, devastating right?! Well during those times, My dad remarried a super high maintenance, family oriented, hardcore organized freak that was pure definition of a home cooked meal. And that is no exaggeration. She has taught me a lot in my younger days...and it's funny, because I'm still "young" they say, even though I feel like an old lady most of the time. But I get those wild hairs up my butt every so often and that's when I'm EXTRA thankful for being young(er), but this women was dang near the glue that held my broken family together, and even added 2 more brothers. So during my whole childhood, i was the only girl in the house except this new Mom of mine. Looking back, I'm so grateful I had her and was able to call her my Mom. Like i said previously, she was the glue that held the whole family together. My dad is super old school, so she didn't have to work for most of their marriage, but she wasn't a lazy cuch pototao either. She was up to get us 5 kids fed and off to school, we'd walk in to a spotless huge, 2 story, Victorian home....EVERYDAY! This woman was Cinderella on steroids. I think half the time i ever saw her, she was either doing the dishes or the laundry. Then she would make a 3-4 course meal...EVERY NIGHT! Like clockwork. Can someone please scream "SUPER WOMAN" with me?! She was/is super woman.

That's where more of The Mom came out of my. I wanted to be exactly like her. And she made us all do what she did....Chores! We had a chores chart, a chores calendar, an allowance tracker...the whole 9 yards...all we were missing, were the Gold Stars. I can not thank her enough for those horrible afterschool days. I learned how to read a recipe. I learned how to cook/bake. I learned how to plan a whole weeks worth of meals (in a menu) and make a grocery list in accordance. I learned how to wrap Presents. I learned how to do my finaces (even though I believe I STILL blow through my money). I learned to be a Mom...because of her. Both of my mothers are the reason I am the way I am today. They both have taught me that: "You Can't Fail At A Job You Were Created To Do". Forever will that stick with me.

Even though I was raised right, made good grades in high school, even got into 4 amazing colleges...That didn't stop me from running a muck. Yes everyone, I dropped out of a super expensive private university. I liked to drink a little more than I should have. I focused on what others wanted to do and went off of their schedule and didn't care that I was a fulltime student with both; a major, and a minor...and then after my classes, I either had a workshop to go to or I had my Clinicals. I didn't care back then. I didn't care that I could be making bank in a hospital right now, if i stuck with it. I was a young 20 year old. Back home i went. And that's when The Mom in me 100% made her appearance and never went away.

My world changed forvever when I saw the 2 lines. My first thought and most likely every other "young" woman's thoughts in that situation were, "MY DAD IS GOING TO KILL ME! Bingo! It took my dad 2 hours to come to the hospital (that was literally up the road from his house, by the way) to see me. I had extremely bad "morning sickness"...Damn near put me straight into my death bed! There was no "morning" about that AT ALL! It was ALL day, EVERY day for a straight week. It was so bad, that I had to move my mattress to the floor, my Children's father had to walk me to the restroom, just so I wouldn't fall when I tried walking. Any movement that wasn't mine and I was hugging a trash can. I couldn't hold drown water, even. So I got sent the hospital. I was only there for about 3 hours, but when my dad finally showed up...it was actually the biggest talk I've ever had. Adoption.... "Why would I do that?!" Those words ran through my head for about 2 seconds and I simply said, "Not happening." That in fact was THE BEST DESCISION of my life. 9 months later, out popped a sweet baby boy, Malcolm. I thought I was so prepared for Motherhood because I've felt like a mom basically all my life...Boy, was I wrong. I've lost SO much sleep over this little turd. I was a paranoid safe freak. I breastfed, and I did EVERYTHING and I mean everything by the book. I mean, I did read a million of them before he made his appearance, obviously.

Nope it didn't matter how much I knew and even knowing my firstborn, my son, was 100% fine, I still had the obsession of being right there as he slept, and everything else that followed. 3 years later creeps by...POP! Out came my very energetic, and wonderful other turd, Mackenzie. I breastfed her as well and me thinking to myself (months before she came) "I know what I'm doing now...It's my second kid." Nope! I was wrong again! Same thing as before...so if anyone needs to know anything about safety or things to help you through breastfeeding, IM THE MOM YOU'RE LOOKING FOR! I Probably have something for everything...if only I could type way faster... anyways.. A few odd months went by and then...disaster struck... I BECAME A DAMN FOOL! I gave into my party days..again..(just like college) and got myself arrested...3 times...back to back to back!!! I got my children taken from me by CPS. That was by far the most heartbreaking, by far the worst moment, and by far the lowest I've ever felt. I Felt like I was a failure. So yu know what comes next. Depression and Anger. But I wasn't mad at myself. I was mad at God. I blamed Him for what happened...Anything was better than admitting that I was the Sole reason why I chose to do drugs over my chidren. Why I could break my OWN heart, my CHILDREN'S hearts, and my FAMILY'S hearts like that. To this day, that memory...LET ME REPEAT THAT...M E M O R Y, still haunts me. It still scares me..a lot.

There's a reason I hold that memory so close to me..a reason why I LET it scare me...That fear that someone will take my children. That fear that they will never forgive me or trust me...Well, It's a true and heartbreaking fear, but that fear is what holds me accountable today. It's an eye opener. A drive to NEVER EVER do that to them or myself again. To NEVER EVER be that person to them or myself again! I rose up from that...I became a MOM again. I BUSTED MY ASS again. I fell in love with myself, and God again! I went to therapy and forgave my biological mother for abandoning my siblings and I and now, today, we have a good strong bond. We've connected and She's actually a pretty great person. She has the same humor and attitude as me, We could even pass as twins. I'm grateful for our bond, because I family to me whether or not they're blood or not, FAMILY IS EVERYTING! So today, Rise with me today, and I promise it will be the beginning of a better tomorrow.

BUT......

Today, I'm a Rising Parent. I Rise everyday and strive to do better for my family, for myself, and now for the world. I believe that I can and I will make a difference in your life and everyone else's that is reading this post right now. Today, I'm in the middle of getting my Bachelors Degree of Science with an Emphasis in Substance Abuse Counseling and Family Dynamics. If you struggle with addiction, or you know someone who is, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I've gone through a lot, more than what I could ever imagine from someone of my age, and one day I'll finish my Autobiography, but until then, I WILL HELP YOU OR YOUR LOVED ONE THE BEST I CAN! You're not alone and things will change. We're in the Battle of Parenthood together! Contact me at: [email protected] for assistance!

When I wanted to create all of this, my first thought was to truly help others be who they wanted to be by voicing my opinions to motivate you to Rise Up As Parents and get you where you need to financially, and emotionally for your children! But...(here comes the hook)....

THIS IS FREAKING HARD! Not a whole lot of people truly listen to what I have to say...even when I’m spoon feeding them logically good and important tips on how to help them better themselves as a parent and as a decent human being. I could just give out bullsh*t like false hope, but let’s face it..you can’t bullsh*t a bullsh*tter! Sooo to all of you who do and are willing to learn from me or even teach me, I APLAUD YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU! You truly know what it means to Rise and be a part of what makes me The Mom Battle!

Parenthood is hard and even harder when you don’t think you have anyone in your corner. Well here I am folks! I’m STANDING IN YOUR CORNER! Follow me on all platforms and let’s Connect. I support you and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING MY "TED" TALK rambles about my life...I hope you now know a little more about me.

Let's Rise,

Jessica Watt

I AM THE MOM BATTLE