I Absolutely Love My Parents and the Way They Raised Me

Over the last decade or so, I have been on a deeply profound healing journey, diving into the deepest parts of myself and my 40 years on this beautiful earthly plane.

Before and during the start of this healing journey, I projected a lot of resentment, anger, fear, and betrayal towards my parents and the way they raised me.

This was all part of the process, I now realise, but looking back, I do feel many emotions about some of the things I said to my parents during this time, and the energy I projected at them.

Luckily, they are both super strong humans who took this on and still supported me and loved me just the same.

For a long time, I longed to change many things about my childhood and wished they had never happened.

I'm now at a point in my healing and growth journey that I realise everything happened just the way it was meant to, all of it, the bits I perceived as bad and negative and the bits I perceived as good and positive.

I'm a huge believer that no matter how traumatic or hectic a situation in life is, it's necessary to the soul's growth and progression.

My parents were stricter than some and dealt out punishment regularly. Dad called it tough love; I'm still on the fence about whether this is the best approach.

It worked, though I'm still here and flourishing in my current life.

Their main love languages were providing quality time and giving gifts.

I was definitely spoilt as a child when it came to the toys, technology, and sporting equipment I received.

If I wanted it and pestered them enough, I got it. The squeaky wheel got the grease.

Just some of the many things I received as a child and teenager— A pool, multiple push bikes, my own concrete cricket pitch, high quality expensive cricket gear, more fishing rods and equipment than I can count (including a Alvey reel and fly rod, an inside joke) a motorbike, kilograms of Lego, computer games, Game Boy, Walkman, many different game consoles and a long list of other technology as it came out. Huge amounts of water skiing and barefoot water skiing equipment, multiple different fishing and water skiing boats, and the list goes on.

I was so lucky to receive all these items.

The conflict I had in myself was that I don't remember being told they loved me very often, or being hugged a lot.

That wasn't their love language; theirs was giving gifts and creating quality moments. They provided everything I thought I wanted or needed at the time. And we had many enjoyable, memorable holidays and road trips.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Everyone shows their love in different ways.

I've learned I'm not huge on physical touch or words of love; I'm working on this because I believe it is important to express love with touch and speech.

My main love language is acts of service. I feel so aligned when I help others, either physically or mentally, and share my knowledge.

One day, one of my siblings said something to me that I will never forget when I was discussing my conflict about our upbringing with her.

"They did the best they could do at the time with what they knew at the time." This one sentence started my understanding and changed my view of my parents and my upbringing.

Nearly all parents are just children raising children at the start; how are they meant to know everything?

They raised kids the way they were raised.

Before the internet, humans didn't have access to every bit of information ever spoken or written; I should never have expected them to know the perfect way to raise me.

We now live in a special time where we can access all this information and do better, learning from the past.

I watch all my siblings and the way they raised and continue to raise their children, and I'm immensely proud of the way they have seen the generational trauma cycles and are changing them for the better.

I can't wait to see how my nieces and nephews raise their own children; it will be pretty magical to watch. 😍

Love you, Mum and Dad; I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm extremely grateful for all you have and continue to do for me! ❤️❤️

This story was first published on Medium. Read it here.

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