How We Create Problems for Ourselves (And How to Stop)

My family and I recently got back from a four-day trip. My mother, my two sisters, and my brother-in-law were there in addition to my own family of four (my husband and two children).

It excelled. We get along well and enjoy one other's company.

And family time lasted for four days.

It's funny how, despite spending time with your siblings and learning from and imitating your parents, you all wind up being so different from one another and from the adults who reared you.

Of course, each of us is unique. But when we're talking about family, our differences appear to be a little more difficult to ignore or accept. These are the people you love the most in the world, thus they can typically expect to receive

My anxiety had always been brought on by the internal dialogue.

The Same Might Apply to You

The same might apply to you, your family, or whatever you perceive to be your external "problem."

The fact that my understanding wasn't just about me and my family is one of the reasons it had such an impact on me. It appeared when I was resting in bed thinking back on something that had been mentioned earlier that day. But what they had stated wasn't the issue.

The realisation that the rumination my mind was currently engaging in was the only "issue" I had ever experienced hit me like a tonne of bricks.

Your opinionated, personal mind is either being quiet or loud. When it’s quiet, it looks like all is well in the world outside. Actually, all is well on the world inside—the peace you’re feeling is your own inner peace.

Although this distinction may seem small, for me, it has had a big impact. I believed I was succeeding by giving our family's "problems" a positive spin.

Understanding that there are considerably fewer problems than I believe there to be and that my mind's constant performance is frequently the main cause of irritation is freedom. It's over when my mind tyres or the show is over. Just recognising thinking for what it is, no obstacles to overcome.

But what if something needs to change, you could be asking. The benefit of seeing how often your mind ruminates, replays, and causes issues is that you may take action without drama when your mind stops doing so.

It is comparable to crossing the nation while having a dirty windscreen. That's kind of what an opinionated mind that thinks "I-can't-believe-she-said-that" does: it smears your inner windscreen and taints what you see.

So your judgement will be impaired if you drive with globs of mud and grime on your windscreen, right? There won't be as much clarity. You can hardly read the road signs, so you'll probably miss turns. A town could be mistaken for being "filthy" or "blah."

Seeing that your psyche is continually running what are basically re-runs of this anecdote about your family (or anything your story is about) allows you to limit those accounts. You normally disengage from them since you see reality with regards to them. That clears your windshield.

From that spot, you handle any genuine issues you should deal with tranquilly and calmly. It's a striking contrast. From an unmistakable psyche, you essentially understand what to do and you approach doing it all that can be expected.

I can breathe deeper knowing that. I hope you can too