How to understand teenage social hierarchy

So, you are trying to wrap your head around the complicated construct and order of the horror that is teenage hierarchy. If you want the short answer...its full of peer pressure, bullies and observers. In all truth, it is near impossible for a parent or adult, who has not grown up with social media, to know exactly how it is currently in modern times, because things change! That is why I will try to do my best to explain it to you, as a current Gen Z myself.

So, as you may expect, directly at the top are the popular boys and the popular girls. You know the type, usually fairly attractive and able to get away with saying anything they want to anyone. Personally, I hate the term 'popular'. Who decides they are popular? And why does everyone go along with it? In all fairness, I don't know the answer. It most likely has something to do with looks and who has the most careless and flirty personality. The 'popular' clique is something which has been going on for a long, long time within all aspects of life, however modern pieces of technology have completely changed the ways in which they work.

Social media is causing kids to mature at a much faster rate than normal, meaning that they are becoming much more aware of societies beauty standards and trying their best to conform to them. Popular kids are usually the ones with naturally goods genes, who pose in front of the camera and showing off and revealing things which no child their age should ever do! Furthermore, the fact that they are being exposed to the media at younger and younger ages, means they are experiencing and maybe even taking part in the masses amount of hate that goes on inside it. Therefore, kids are being extremely influenced by people they have never even met, causing a lot more toxicity and judging amongst teens, which is also damaging for the people causing the upset, as it creates false realities for them and gives them completely unrealistic expectations for life.

The worst part of all of this is that, since people can get away with a lot more behind the screen, teens will say horrible things to each other online. I'm sure you have heard all about that before, but the thing is, because my generation has grown up with the media, and actions having barely any consequences online, they are being lead to believe that this is the same in person. Hence the reason our version of popular people exist.

My definition of the modern popular person is, 'An in real life troll'. If you are not familiar with the slang word 'troll' ,it is someone who starts flame wars or intentionally upsets people. If you are now wondering, "Why don't people just stand up to them then?", it is because of a lovely old friend of mine known as, peer pressure.

In my opinion, there are three main categories of children in schools, the 'popular', the 'people who get picked on by the popular kids' and 'the rest of them' or 'the observers'. The 'popular' kids somehow manage to work themselves up to a position where they have a large group of friends, half of them who they will talk badly about behind their back. From there, the popular kids are usually fairly pleasant to 'the rest of them', to maintain their social image of the golden kid, but constantly pick on the others outside of their group, to get a laugh from their mates.

'The observers' group is probably the most interesting. The majority of them dislike the popular clique, due to how they treat their peers, but they never stand up for them for fear of being picked on themselves. In a perfect world, they would all stand up to the poisonous clique and give them a piece of their mind, but they never do because they think that nobody else wants to. This is the main problem in schools today, the ones who sit above it all and can pick and choose who they are friends with, or who they make fun of, are untouched by everyone else, because everyone else thinks that they are the only ones who care.

Social media teaches us that the world is such a hateful place, that students are becoming mistrusting of each other, and allowing their classmates to be picked on, simply because everyone else puts up with it.

Now, if you want your child to avoid this or escape this terrible scenario where everyone ends up with some kind of pain, then here is my advice: -Teach them that it generally doesn't matter what others think, this is often a very hard thing for young people to understand, but try to explain to them that in ten years time, the opinions of their classmates and strangers on the street, really isn't going to matter. -Have a serious chat to them about how they feel about their current situation and place in school. If they are happy and content with it, then leave them be, but ensure that they know to help out others who they think need it. If they aren't happy and feel as though they are being exploited by their classmates, try to help them. Now, the odds are they won't appreciate you storming into school and reporting their bullies in front of everyone, so here is my advice. Quietly tell their tutor or head of year, and ask them to deal with it quietly, as bullies should never be able to get away with it. Second, ask their friends to keep an eye on them and to stick up for your child if possible. If your kid doesn't have many friends to aid them, try to help them improve on their social skills to help them gain more support and friendships, as I am true believer of the idea that children who grow up with a supportive and healthy friend group, do a lot better in life. -Make sure they know how important it is to be kind and include others. Tell them about the short term and long term effects a negative experience and time at school can be on someones mental and physical health. -And finally, treat them like an adult and ask them what kind of things they look at and post on social media. If they happily tell you and show you their feed, that is great! You must have a very close relationship with them, go you! However, if they refuse, do not pressurise or guilt trip them into showing you, but instead tutor them in all the dangers of the internet and ask them to keep in mind who can see their posts, ask them to just keep all of that in mind and leave it at there, except remember to have occasional chats about their social media and their opinions on it.

I hope this article has been useful to you, I really have tried to explain the pressure and causes behind all of the horrid reasons of modern school bullying and hierarchy. This will not apply to every single scenario in every single school, but I desire that it will help you understand modern peer pressure from a different point of view.

Wishing you all a wonderful week, -Jo

*photo sources* -Cover photo= https://scottishbeekeepers.org.uk/advice -Advice photo= https://uxdesign.cc/hierarchy-of-information-work-e40eaf973ae0