How to Not be Your Kids' Friend

Let me start by saying that my children are not perfect. I am the mom that would go to the school at the first of each year to meet the teachers and let them know I was on their side and to let me know how I could help them through out the year. I live with my kids. I know their personalities. I know the schemes that their little, undeveloped brains would try to cook up.

Teenagers can try every patience bone in your body. They will push every button you have, trying to get what they want. Sort of like toddlers. They will ask you a million times for something, hoping you will give in. I made a rule a long time ago: Ask me once and that is it. Ask me after I have already said no and you will be punished.

Do I want my kids to like me? Well, yes. That would be great. Do I want them to be responsible members of the community. That would be great too. The problem is, too many times, parents will do whatever it takes to keep their kids happy. Spoiling the child while staying in their good graces.

Have my children at one or more points in their short lives said they hated me? YEP. Does it hurt my feelings? Not when I am doing what is in their best interest. I look at it this way, my kids and their friends are the ones that will be responsible for my generation when I am too old to care for myself. I don't want a slew of people that have no idea what "work" really is, can't think for themselves, or have no idea how to hold a conversation with someone in person responsible for me or my future.

In life, we do not always get what we want. We don't always get the job we apply for. We don't always work with the nicest people. We can't always live in the fancy house or drive the expensive car. Sometimes, things happen that are not fair and as an adult, we have to keep on going. Bills have to be paid. Responsibilities must be met. We get told no. We keep striving for more.

Kids have to be told no. They have to work for the things they want. They have to do the report or the science project themselves. Your momma isn't going to do that report for your boss, so why should she do your English report for you?

As adults, we get let down. Not everyone gets invited to the party. Not everyone is meant to be an athlete or the top vocalist. As a parent, we should not interefere. An example would be when my daughter invited two girls to spend the night. All three of these girls were on the cheer squad. We had been at a fundraising event all day long for the cheerleaders. (AND it was my birthday). One of the girls was new to the school and my daughter wanted to try to get to know here more. The second girl had been friends with my daughter for awhile.

Later that night, as I am enjoying a short birthday supper with some friends, I get a phone call from a fourth girls' mother. She wanted to know why her daughter was not invited to spend the night, therefore being bullied. Let me stop right here and say that I am not a fan of this type of behavior. I am not a fan of someone questioning the decisions that I make, especially when it has nothing to do with them. I was sure to let this other mother know that there were 20 girls on the cheer squad and noone else had been invited to my home, even though I could invite the whole school if I so chose!

Did that mom help her teenage daughter? Was she standing up for her? NO! She was hindering her realtionships with other people. She was teaching her to stomp her feet and pitch a fit to get what you want. How well is that behavior going to work in the job force?

Another example of not stepping in for your teenagers is myy son. Right now, he is a senior in high school. He is almost done...the finish line in sight. He is a smart guy, but doesn't like school. All year, I have been watching his grades and reminding him this is not the time to miss any assignments or bomb a test. So, what does he do? He has an F in Biology and English.

I want him to graduate with his class. I want to see him walk across that stage. I want to celebrate afterwards because it has been a long 12 years! What I can not do, is beg his teachers for extra credit. I can not do the work for him. I can not make him turn it in. I can not make him pay attention. At this point, he is about to be 18 and thrown into the real world.

He has to want to do it. If he doesn't pass, he will take summer school. He will have to work to pay for it himself. It will be him embarrassed, not me. He has to pay the consequences. If, as an adult, you do not do your work or fail to meet a deadline, the boss usually docks your pay or fires you. Mommy and daddy can not follow behind all their lives picking up the pieces for them.

It is hard. It is tiring. It is stressful. Sometimes, it is a very thankless job. Then, there are those moments, when they make the right decision or do something selfless that it all pays off.