how to be a good father: 8 tips to be a good dad

What does it mean to be a good dad? According to Gilles Vaquier de Labaume, being a good dad means, above all, having knowledge about the different stages of child development to better respond to their needs according to their age. Being a good dad involves knowing how to adapt your way of communicating with a baby, dedicating exclusive and quality moments to them, ensuring first that you are willing to live that moment of sharing with them.

What is the goal of positive parenting? To have easy authority over your child, both in the short and long term, and gradually strengthen attachment bonds together.

Valuing the young mom

Being a good dad also means being an unwavering support for the child's mother. After your partner's pregnancy and childbirth, do not hesitate to value the young mom. In fact, with the sudden drop in hormones and the many questions that the mom may have, it is important to value what she has done during the day to support her. Understanding that caring for a newborn is not as easy as it seems, that it requires energy, and showing interest in what your partner, on maternity leave, has done during the day is a good way to value her. Even if at first glance the days seem the same (feeding the baby, changing the baby, putting the baby to sleep, feeding the baby...), they are far from being peaceful for her!

Commitment to parenthood from the beginning

To quickly and lastingly find and occupy your place as a father, it is important to fully commit to early parenthood. For example, participate in household chores, take care of your baby, spend time with them, and above all, be proactive, do not wait for your partner to ask for help (for example, suggest a walk with the baby).

Avoid negative expressions

One of the keys to smooth communication with the child is to avoid resorting to negative expressions when addressing them. To be heard and have all the chances of being listened to, formulate your requests positively, as until the age of two the child does not understand negation at all. For example, replace the classic "Don't run!" with "We walk in the house...", or "Don't walk in the puddle!" with "Walk nicely by the side, there's water".

An authoritarian approach will be counterproductive, think, for example, of not yelling, but saying things as calmly as possible (the calmer the request is formulated, the more likely the child is to respond positively).

Also, don't forget that your child is not an adult, but a child, and that they do not understand things the same way you do, and that it is necessary to adapt to their age: "The parent is not a good boss, but a good guide," explains Gilles Vaquier de Labaume, author of "Nouveaux Papas, les clés de l'éducation positive" (Leduc.s Editions).

Avoid falling into the judgment trap

Being kind every day, even when you are tired, is also key to smooth communication with a child. Have they done something silly, are they angry, are they not doing something correctly? Be kind and indulgent, talk about the action instead of the consequences, which often amounts to passing judgment. Forget about "You're a baby," "But how slow you are!"

Has your child hit another child? Instead of saying "You're bad!", explain to them that their hands are for drawing, for caressing, and not for hitting. Also avoid labels, like "You're a liar," which can be, even without you realizing it, very devaluing, and can leave traces if the child dwells on what you have labeled them.

Involving the child from an early age

Adapting, of course, it is wise to involve children in everyday gestures and tasks. Assign them roles, make them actors rather than spectators. Involving them, making them participate, is always more effective than giving them a direct and hard order.

You're about to leave the house, for example, instead of saying "Put on your coat!", ask them what the weather is like outside and how to dress in that case... They will mention the coat themselves and put it on. Keep in mind that some of your arguments are not interesting to the child, who doesn't care: "We'll be late, hurry up!" makes sense to you, but not to your child...

Establishing rituals

Daily, establishing rituals helps give references to the child, who will acquire automatic behaviors and gain autonomy. Also, establishing rituals will help you move from one situation to another much more easily, encouraging them to participate and get involved.

Finding a solution to problems

Easy to say, indeed... But taking the time to reflect on a problem, even just 3 minutes to think of a solution, an appropriate way to react, helps to not react impulsively and often to react with a bit more perspective. Did they do something silly? Is there an unexpected event? STOP! I pause, I reflect (every problem has a solution), and I address my child, calmly.

Not pressuring yourself

As much as we repeat it, once you're a parent you tend to forget: every child evolves, progresses at their own pace. Pressuring yourself (my baby must sleep through the night at 6 months, at 3 years my child will be like this or that...), or pressuring your child ("You're old enough to talk, to walk, it's time to try, let's go!"), will be counterproductive. Let go, work on your "zen," and respect your child's development, evolution, which is unique.