Hard Truth: We Shouldn't All Be Parents.

Hear me out.

I know, you read that title and you said "Electric Chair", "He's gone too far this time", "Who is he to tell me what to do?" Hear me out.

From a young age, I had a dream. More of a fantasy than a dream.

I imagined myself laying in bed. I imagined being woken up by three happy children bouncing and telling me, "We're off to school!" I imagined myself smiling and sending them off with a smile.

And then the imagination ended.

It never went further. That was it.

You have to understand, this was a dream I held on to so tightly. It was my prime reason for wanting to have children. It was the fantasy I had to make come through.

Even though I knew:

- I don't care for the crying of babies.

- I don't ever want to deal with the constant fear that being a parent comes with. Always wondering if your child is safe. Always one phone call away from having your whole world come to a shattering stop.

- I don't care for the temper tantrums of children in later years.

- I don't expect my children to take care of me when I'm old. I planned to have my own place and have them come visit whenever they wanted. It's what happened to my grand parents, it's what's happening with my parents, it's inevitably what will happen to me. The notion that "you need to have children otherwise who will take care of you when your old" has always been so funny to me. Because for most of us, we know exactly where our grandparents are right now. 9/10 times, it's definitely not under our parent's roof. You see them probably 3/4 times a year and that's it. What makes anyone think their children will be the ones that take care of them when they're older? It'll probably be some nurse whose job it is to do that. That's the most likely option.

- I don't think my child will become the next Michael Jackson or Beyonce. I know a lot of people always use the whole "what could be?" argument as a convincing reason for why everybody should have children. 8/10 times, every child ends up in some kind of office setting, working a regular job like the rest of us. It's very unlikely that you'll give birth to the next Celine Dion.

- "Don't you want a mini-version of yourself?" - Why? I'm still here. I'm not dead. What would a mini-version of myself do for me? How would that satisfy me? Who would that serve? Also, what is with the expectation that your children would grow up to become exact replicas of us. That's a lot of pressure to put on a child that hasn't even been born yet.

- "Your child is your legacy" - Uhhh, I don't think so. I think my words will outlast my children. My art will outlast my children. The advice I give to anybody from close friend to random man on the bus will outlast my children. My life and the things that I do will be my legacy. Not my children. Every funeral I've ever been to, they went into depth about the person's life and then at the end or towards the end of their speech, they said "He/She was blessed with 4 children". That's all. How are my children my legacy?

- Also as a side note, can we please stop projecting the grief and hurt we feel from losing a parent unto their child? When a person dies, I find it weird how everybody suddenly starts projecting a lot of expectations unto the living. Saying things like: "It's on you now. Continue the work your father started", "You know your dad wanted you to be a doctor even though you've always wanted to be a singer. Now that he's dead, honor him. Forget the music, be a doctor. That's what your father would have wanted". We do this all the time and it's very bizarre. One must not give up their lives' hopes and dreams simply to honor the dead. Although it is a nice sentiment, it could lead to very caustic results.

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As much as the fantasy of having my children run up to me in the morning was appealing, I came to the realization that it was never a fantasy at all. It was a memory. A very fond memory I had of running up to my parents every morning and telling them "I'm off to school."

That realization made me look at the entire fantasy a little bit more. So many questions started popping up. My friend asked me once after sharing the fantasy with her, "What happens when the children come back?" I was floored. I had never thought about that question. I responded to her, "What do you mean they come back?"

I had never looked farther than the fantasy. If I'm being real with myself, confession corner here: I don't want to be a parent. I've never really wanted to be a father. I just liked the fantasy of being one for nothing longer than one minute.

That realization, that a simple fantasy could have been the reason I brought a whole human being into this world only to be disappointed later on got me questioning a lot of things.

One of the questions it begs is: how many people are having children simply because they want to satisfy a fantasy? What happens when their expectations don't match up to reality?

I remember a friend of mine once said, "I can't wait for me and my children to have so much fun on the beach" to which I asked "What if your child doesn't like the beach?" She was floored. Her response back was "No, my children will definitely like the beach, there's no question."

But what if they don't?

If you're not willing to accept the reality that your child might come out to be entirely the opposite of what you hoped, then I'd ask that you reconsider your reasons for wanting children. We don't all have be parents. A parent's job is to unconditionally love their child and guide them to the best of their ability through this life. If you're unwilling to do that or you're unwilling to even consider the possibility that you're child might want to become a DJ or work in wrestling or have a different occupation or sexuality or lifestyle than what you intended, then please reconsider this parenting thing.

We shouldn't all be parents. Let's allow those with the actual emotional bandwidth and unconditional love to give a child become parents.

There's absolutely nothing more exciting to me than being the fun uncle!

**Do you feel like pushing the conversation further? Then here are two of my favorite articles. They are so fun to read and expand on a lot of the thoughts I wasn't able to share in this article. Happy reading!