Happy Holidays

I slammed the yams down on the table as the doorbell rang. I honestly did not sign up for this. No one should ever have to deal with the amount of drama this family produces. But then there I was, setting the table for a dysfunctional family I am married into.

“Louie answer the door!” I shouted.

“Why can’t you answer the door Charlotte?!”

A continuous mix of pounding on the front door, the bell ringing, and an argument from outside filled my ears.

“I’m sorry, was cooking food for your family, not enough Louis?! Answer the damn door before your mother wakes the dead.”

I hear the door open and the shrill voice of my mother-in-law, Susan, as Louie’s family invades my home. My heart rate picks up and I wish it was already over.

“Well don’t you look skinny! Is that wife you yours not feeding you?” She asked.

“No mom, I’m eating better than ever,” Louie said.

“Are you sure? Honey, anytime you want homemade food just come home! I’ll cook you anything you want.”

“I’m sure Louie is fine Susan. This is what he looks like when he is healthy. Can’t you see the muscles? I’ve really put him into shape since you had him,” I retort back.

“Hello darling how are you?! Your house looks so… quant and what's the word for it, oh yes, simple. It fits you so well.”

“Thank you, Susan, how kind of you,” I said as my teeth ground together.

“Honey let's play nice,” Louie whispered.

“Why don’t you take everyone in the living room hun?” I ask.

“Actually, I’m going to just go put this other pumpkin pie in the fridge, I made those mini pies that everyone loves so much.” She said as she walked into the kitchen.

“What a witch,” I whispered.

“Where is Claudia?!” Louie’s Grandfather, Pop yelled from the living room.

I shook my head and walked over to the wine station and poured myself a FULL glass.

“Pop’s dementia is getting worse,” Abby said as she entered.

I walked over and hugged her. “At least he won’t remember all the get family together's like the rest of us.”

She laughed lightly and then nodded in agreement.

“If I could I would forget them too, wouldn’t you?” Abby asked.

I laughed and nodded as we entered the kitchen.

“Well look what we have here the best daughter in the world and my … favorite daughter-in-law,” Susan says.

“I’m your only daughter-in-law Susan.”

“Sadly,” Susan whispered as she walked over to pour herself a glass of wine.

I gasp and look over at Abby who is laughing. As soon as Susan leaves the kitchen we both say “sAdLy”.

“Jinx you owe me some wine,” I tell Susan.

Her eyes roll back as she walks over and grabs me a glass of wine.

“You already have one why do you need another?” She asked.

“Have you met your family?”

“That's true. I might need something stronger to make it through the night. What's left before we eat?”

“Just the wait we have 45 minutes left.”

“What did you make?” Abby asked.

“Well, I made the traditional food my family eats today: Polenta with Chorizo, Chile Cornbread, street corn, Brussel sprouts with chorizo, Turkey in Mole Poblano, and Flan. I also made spiced eggnog and cranberry margaritas. I figured that would keep your mother busy for a while.”

“You mean the witch from the south? Yeah maybe. Or she will complain that it is all spicy and too cultured,” Abby said.

“Oh come on now! We both know your mother is too civilized to say such a rude thing.”

I smiled and looked down when Louie's phone started to ring. ‘AURORA’ appeared on the screen.

“What's wrong?” Abby asked.

“I don’t think I should be telling you our marital problems. After all, you are his sister.” I told her.

“And you are still my best friend. What’s wrong?” Abby said.

“Well, where is Dante the famous fiance?” I asked.

“You can’t avoid telling me you know?” She said.

“Abby, you go first, and then I will.”

“Fine, Mom made it VERY clear he was not invited.” She said.

“How can she tell you who is allowed if it's in my house?!” I asked.

“You know how she is…. Now it’s your turn to spill.”

“So,... I’m pregnant, but I haven’t told Louie yet.” I said.

“I’m confused, how is that a bad thing?”Abby asked.

“It's a small part of a big problem. He has a new partner at work, her name is Aurora, and it feels like she is getting too close for my liking.”

“You’re probably just tripping, Louie has loved you since high school.”

“No, it’s not me. So I went down to the station to share the news with him and she was there, all over him. And now she is calling him on THANKSGIVING. THANKSGIVING. Who does that?!”

“Someone who is desperate,” Abby said.

“Exactly!”

“Exactly what?” Susan asked as she walked in.

“Nothing,” I respond.

“Louie’s new partner is getting a little too comfortable with him,” Abby tells her.

“Abby!”

“Also Charlie is pregnant!”

“ABBY! SHUT UP!” I shout.

“Well looks like you have some good news to give and like you need to put that girl in her place,” Susan said as the timer goes off.

“Okay well let's talk about this after food, yeah?” I asked.

They both nodded and helped me carry the dishes into the dining room.

“Dinner time!” I called.

“When did mom get so nice?” I whispered.

“Don’t be fooled,” Abby whispered. “We all have to share what we are thankful for!!” She said.

Susan’s face shrivels up in disapproval. Just when we were getting on her good side.

“Yes, we do! Mom why don’t you have the honor of going first.” Louie said

A thin smile appears on her face, she knows she has been pushed into a corner.

“Well,... I am just so thankful that my loyal husband and two loyal children are with me on this holiday.” She said.

“What about Charlie? Or Dante?” Abby questioned.

“Louie, It’s your turn,” Susan said tautly.

“I’m grateful for my forgiving and loving wife. Who made all this great food, and decorated our house and loves me unconditionally,”

“What about Aurora?” Abby asked.

Louie choked on his wine and gasped for air.

“Abby!” I said.

“Hush Abby, your turn Pops,” Susan said.

“Well, I’m grateful that the war is over and the damn Nazis are dead.” He said.

“Not all of them,” Abby said snarkily.

“Tom it's your turn!” Susan said.

He grumbled softly.

“What was that Tom?” Susan asked.

“I’m grateful for….”

“TOM SPEAK UP!” Susan yelled.

“I’M GRATEFUL FOR THE FOOD. NOW CAN I FUCKING EAT?” Tom screamed.

The sound of his fist hitting the table and then utter silence filled the room. As I looked over at Abby, I noticed she was trying to hold her laugh back.

“What's so funny?” I asked.

“He always hates delays between him sitting in the chair and him eating.”

“Abby it's your turn!” Susan said.

“ I’m so thankful that I’m 23, not pregnant, passing all my classes, and don’t have to live at home anymore,” Abby said.

“Well that's a miracle,” Pops said.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Abby asked.

“Well isn’t this food so lovely,” Louie said.

“You haven’t even tasted it yet. I would say spicier and a bit too cultured for thanksgiving but I guess that ‘lovely’ works too,” Susan said.

“Well, maybe next year YOU can make diner Susan,” I said.

I look over at Abby to see if she is listening but instead, I see her face getting red with anger.

“Now Louie what the hell does that mean?” Abby asked interrupting me.

“It means you slept around a lot and Pop’s noticed it,” Susan said.

“Are you freaking kidding me? I’m the one who is sleeping around?! Pop’s I see ALL those women you bring home! So I wouldn’t be talking if I were you?!”

“What does that mean?” Tom asked.

“So now you're interested in talking?!” Susan asked him.

“Susan I am not doing this today! Don’t start.” Tom said

“Don’t start?! Both our daughter and your father have brought people in our homes that they slept with apparently and I AM SUPPOSED TO STAY CALM?! Who else has?! We all know you have TOM! Louie?! Did you bring someone to my house?!”

“Mom we both know I’m married to her.”

“So everyone at this table except for my poor daughter-in-law has slept with someone else in MY HOUSE?!”

“What?” Abby asked.

“Dad?!” Louie asked.

“What the hell?” Pop’s said.

I took a big sip of wine as the ball dropped, quickly spitting it back into the glass and reaching for water.

“You had to do this today?! You had to do this today Susan?!” Tom asked.

“I’m tired of this Tom! We haven’t been married for 3 years, the kids deserve to know!” Susan said.

“Deserve to know what?” Abby asked.

“Can someone pass me the street corn?” I asked.

Pops grunted and then handed it to me as he started to eat his dinner.

“Your dad fell in love with someone else while you were in high school, senior year…”

“Is that why you were gone so much?!” Abby asked.

“Honey you know I love you, hell I even still love your mom, but I wasn’t in love with her,” Tom said softly.

“You know I always thought mom was the jerk, but honestly it's you! You just ruin everything!” Abby said. “And you?! You just made excuses for him?! He missed all of Louie’s soccer games and my softball games. You stood there and LIED to us?!”

“Abby you wouldn’t understand, you’re still too young,” he said.

“No dad I’m not. It’s a pretty simple concept. You made a vow to God to stay loyal to mom your whole life and you broke it. You are a horrible man for not even trying to make it work.”

“Honey I still love your father and I didn’t want to upset y’all!” Susan said.

“It’s a little late for that don’t you think?!” Louie said.

“Abs, come on don’t be like that.” Tom pleaded.

“No, I need space for a minute,” Abby said.

I watched her walk into the kitchen and felt my heart break a little. After a minute I grabbed my glass of wine and walked into the kitchen. I turned on the burner and filled my kettle full of water. Tea would help, it always did. As I waited for the whistle, Louie walked in.

“Babe?” he asked.

I quickly walked over and hugged him.

“That will never be us. Promise me?” He asked softly.

My heart broke and I pulled back and walked over to the cookie jar and pulled out the sonogram before handing it to him.

“See this little bean? That's our baby, so no Lou we will not be like them. This baby is proof of our love.” I said.

He pulls me close and holds onto me for what feels like a long time. Slowly I pull back and look at him.

“Abby needs me," I said.

“Go find her, I’ll get rid of my family. Deal?”

“Deal!”

I quickly throw on a coat and put the tea into a travel mug.

“Babe?” Lou called.

“Yes?”

“I love you littles!” He sang.

“You remembered my baby song?!?” I screamed and hug him tightly.

“Of course I do.” He whispered.

I laugh and walk out of my warm home. Down the street I found her sitting on a bench staring into the distance.

“You want to talk about it?” I asked.

“Do we have to?”

“No, but you at least have to wish me happy holidays!”I tell her.

She laughs a little. "Happy Holidays!"