Finding Loss at Home

So, I went to clinical for 230pm and did the pre-conference then my 9-year-old daughter calls me crying hysterically about a fire at school. I can not understand her so ask my instructor if I can leave. He of course says yes. I am worried as my daughter is not answering her phone. I text my 12-year-old son on my way home (was taking public transit not my own vehicle) to let me know when he is home so he can check on her. He texts me eventually telling me he is cuddling her on the couch eating candy and she is way calmer than when he got home to be with her. Such a good brother. But I already left work and thankful I did. My ex texted me around 3pm, just shortly after I got back home to my kids, that day asking if I have seen or heard his Partner, but I hadn’t and was heading to store with kids. So, when I got back home at about 430, I texted Alex to see if I still needed to check on her (she has been sick – bad earache on a couple days before and then vomiting and cold symptoms the night before and current day). I am thankful that after school my 9-year-old daughter didn’t check on her ‘stepmom’ as my daughter thought it was weird that it was so quiet when she knew her ‘stepmom’ must be home. My daughter also found it weird her ‘stepmom’ did not check on her when she was crying. I even texted the ‘stepmom’ to check on my daughter and that I was on my way home, but received no response so I assumed she was napping, since she was sick.

At 445pm I go into my ex’s Partners (my kids ‘stepmom’s’ room after knocking and calling out her name. This is the 1st time I have ever even opened her door or been in her room. I see her face down on the floor, not moving nor breathing. I survey the situation and instantly know she is dead. Her left elbow has some blood like she hit it on the wall. Her right arm was stuck around the bed leg and hence very bruised, so I had to remove that before anything else. Legs were not edematous. She was not yet cold, but hands already had a lot of contractures. So, I check her carotid after shaking her shoulder and saying her name. Nothing so I call 911 instantly and check for a radial pulse, trying to wake her. While on phone with 911 knowing nothing I can do, I know she has passed. I texted my Partner to tell her as I am a little shaky and scared and I text my Ex to “come home NOW.” 911 puts me to next person who wants me to try CPR. But yeah, she was on her tummy and weighs more than I do. I moved the bed and mattress so there was room to flip her so I could try assuming it would do no good anyway. But by time I made room to flip her firemen showed up. They were here so fast! They flipped her. They started CPR and within minutes EMS showed up. EMS continued CPR with bagging, ran normal saline and took her blood sugar. They tried since she was warm still, but I knew and even told 911 I don’t think she is saveable but since they were so close by, they came and tried. They tried for about 20 minutes but then had to tell me she was dead. Only me and kids home. I had my kids stay in their rooms with the cats. Once they found out what happened, of course, there was crying so I was back and forth with kids and EMS as both needed things. My Ex didn’t end up getting home from work until about 6 so 40 minutes after they pronounced her. He was trying to get home from work. His boss even went to pick him up as didn’t want him driving.

We had to wait for police since it was a death at home. That took a while. Then for the medical examiner to come which wasn’t until about 8pm. Then they got her out after they were done everything. I had hydrogen peroxide to remove some blood from the rug. There wasn’t blood initially but a couple smaller pools of blood when they took her. They had to wrap her and drag her up the stairs and out the door. There was a bit of vomit as well, but we shampooed and hopefully is out of the rug. We ended up having to replace the rug.

It just feels so weird. One that I found a woman dead, two because I knew her. And it just feels so weird that she isn’t here as she is always here. Even though we weren’t friends or anything I found her and tried to help her and feel horrible for my ex and kids obviously. I guess we will see what feelings end up feeling like after more shock wears off. I am so tired dealing with it all as was the only adult here for most of it.

Months later, things are calm and my and children are doing well. An experience I hope others never have to experience!